4 years later... (Group F)

So this will be my last post until Saturday. Beyond that, I'm now getting a bit of flu and sore throat. So if this post seems sub-standard, please be assured that it really is.

The most straightforward group ever?

Fangirls of Cristiano "my name is Ronaldo and I'm not from Brazil" Ronaldo will be delighted to see Portugal being grouped in what is arguably the easiest group (and I say arguably because in football, the ball is definitely round). There will be plenty of shirt ripping, there will be plenty of Portuguese eye candy for the fairer sex. But more likely this anyway...

A Selecção das Quinas

Think I'll do this really fast. My flu is now trolling me like a CR7 doing multiple stepovers in front of a Sunday League centreback. Firstly and foremost, let us welcome back a familiar face of Nordic football. Namely Lars "not from Tekken" Lagerbäck. In fact, I believe Ibra knows him personally on a certain level. This time round, however, ol' Lars decided to cast his lot with another Nordic team in the same way Fandi "think he's having fun now with the national team" Ahmad actually started his football coaching career at Indonesia instead of Singapore.

Firstly and foremost, I'm having a bad vibe over what ol' Lars said here. We all know referees can be terribly dumb at times. In PC speak, we call this human error within a human game. Political incorrectness-wise, it means we all tend to be dumb most of the time. In the same way the gods in black are never gods beyond the 90 minute mark, likewise ol' Lars is no god as well. While his concerns are legit, he may have committed a fatal error. Mind games or no mind games, he risks rousing an animal. This animal has a name, let's call him Ronaldo.

In my Group E analysis, I said that there are only two world class players blessed with a world class charisma. Ibra is the first, the other is Ronaldo. So what constitutes to a world class charisma for a footballer?

Let's use these three bastards as a comparison.

In England, there are two types of bastards. The first kind of bastard is the negative bastard. Case in point: Austin Powers. The second kind of bastard is the positive bastard. Case in point: the Brits call this kind of bastard "son of a gun".

When we look at the three sons of a gun above, we know that they're charismatic. Either you love them or hate them. The haters hate them, their own players adore them. This isn't your everyday Hollywood story. Charisma isn't about whether you're a normal Swifty, a trolling Swifty, or just a delusional Swifty.

Charisma is all about fostering that traditional siege mentality that lasts more than just a few seasons.

Charisma is all about calling other people unpleasant names, only to have your men watching your back.

Charisma is all about telling your players to run till they drop down dead. Well, not literally anyway.

Charisma is all about dragging a team to victory when all hope seems lost. Charisma is all about fighting a seemingly lost cause, only to emerge the winner much to the cynics' dismay.

We have all seen Ibra doing that with Sweden, that was why (and not to mention how) he's able to retire the entire kingdom of Denmark single handedly. We all have seen what Ronaldo can do as that most individualistic talisman in the capital of Spain.

In case you all still don't know what I'm trying to say, let me just give ol' Lars a very dire warning:

Congrats, you shouldn't have said that to Ronaldo. Pepe, maybe. Ronaldo, hell no. He's gonna make your next 90 minutes of football into 90 minutes of stepover hell.

Note: In this sense, Martin "Michael, I am your father" O'Neill actually played his cards right.

I need to end this fast...

Title is self-explanatory. At this point of time, my parents have yet to realised that their son shouldn't be born in Singapore. Either way, I need to be quick. So what should be the key to Portugal ending their barren heartbreak? Firstly, Fernando "not Torres" Santos need to use the group phase as a testing ground. No disrespect meant to the other 3 teams, but he'll need to find a way to bring the best out of Ronaldo. Like it or not, the press will never be merciful if things go terribly wrong. More oft than not, Ronaldo is the one getting the stick. The presence of Ricardo "not that other Ricardo whom Rooney nearly castrated N years ago" Quaresma has given A Selecção das Quinas plenty to hope about. If Santos wants to get something out of a seemingly lost cause (let's just face it, guys. Even Luís "I won't bite" Figo couldn't save his nation), he has to create an effective a 5 man shield.

A Selecção das Quinas strategy for A Selecção das Quinas

Santos needs to earmark 5 players to support Ronaldo. In the same manner we saw Messi surrounded by his own amigos, the same goes for Ronaldo. Ideally, it should go something like...

2 central midfielders+2 strikers+1 winger (ignore this equation if Santos decides to do a 4-2-3-1).

Ronaldo is a totally different kind of player to Ibra. Ibra has this freakish ability to make an average footballing nation look like a world beater (well, sorta anyway). Ronaldo also has this ability, but he doesn't have the kind of freakish consistency that is Ibra. Whether Quaresma will start is of secondary concern. I'm more interested in seeing whether the other end of the width has the kind of playing style which compliments Ronaldo's daredevil approach nicely. Either way, Santos needs to create an effective break-and-counter approach where the danger can come from anywhere across the middle 3rd. In fact, it should be ideal for him to use the defensive mid area as the fulcrum.

And now for the girls. You get what I mean...

Barbara Palvin (Hungary) 

Fanney Ingvarsdottir (Iceland)

Ronja Forcher (Austria)

P.S to Senhor Santos: Please mind the Austrians while you're having fun. There's something about the Austrians and I'm not referring to a gay fashionista hailing from Jewtown. When there's a will, there's always a way.