The T-word
If there's anything more NSFW than the semi-graphic portrayal of the latest court drama, it'd be this. Will he or won't he? Right now, it seems that Barcelona is in desperado modo in the face of Neymar's departure. Suffice to say, plenty will be said in the next few weeks. In fact, it's quite likely that he will be a figure more reviled than Luís "not Suárez" Figo. To be brutally honest, I did have my own reservation when Barca officially signed Neymar. To me, this lad has an ego the size of Russia (which incidentally is the largest country in the world in terms of land mass). I have no questions about his class, just that I was left wondering whether he'd be willing to play second fiddle to the likes of Lionel "El Pequeño Leon" Messi and Andrés "El Gigante" Iniesta. For a few seasons, he proved me wrong. This time, I might have been proven right. A brief look at PSG's current first team crème de la crème would betray the likes of Julian "Der Dazzler" Draxler, Ángel "El Arcángel" Di María, and Edinson "El Caballero" Cavani. Thing is, none of them has Neymar's larger than life presence (let alone ego). The fact that he's given the no.10 shirt says it all.
Assuming the worst actually happened, that Philippe "O Conjurador" Coutinho actually decided to follow his fellow Brazilian's example by wiping his bare arse with his last signed contract first, what should Jürgen "Der Kop Kaiser" Klopp do? It's not as if people will laugh and say the gaffer is just another Weasel.
Assuming that someone goes and no one comes in, it means the firing three will most likely consist of Sadio "apparently, he doesn't have a mane" Mané, Roberto "Kop's next top false 9?" Firmino, and Mohamed "Chelsea sign him=salah, Liverpool sign him=tak salah" Salah. Something which has happened against Watford. Now let me just point out that Salah may well be Liverpool's signing of the season. Last season, #TeamRoboKop was sorely lacking a creative spark from the width. While the likes of Mané, Firmino, and Coutinho can play out wide, problem is that they do not have pace and trickery combined. The nearest player to this category of creative wide man would be Daniel "he dances like a partridge" Sturridge. In the event Coutinho goes, it'd be interesting to see whether Sturridge will become the black Liverbird or shot down like a dumb dancing partridge.
Above image means only one thing. More than ever, Adam "not Forshaw" Lallana can't get himself permacrock. A brief look at Liverpool's starting midfield betrayed a shocking lack of creativity in the middle 3. While Emre "Can he or Can't he?" Can look more and more like the heir apparent to Sami "Der Krieger" Khedira, questions should be asked about the inclusion of Georginio "the black Stevie G?" Wijnaldum and Jordan "unrelated to my primary school" Henderson. The former is a classic box to box holding mid while the latter can never pass it like Scholes as much as the Kop faithful would want to kill me for this insult (I know Steve Ang will anyway). Unless those Yanks can pull off a coup by signing Marco "not Castarratti" Verratti, Lallana will most likely have to assume the role of Iniesta. Interestingly, Salah's pace and trickery may pave the way for Der Kop playing a 4-2-3-1. You have Mané cutting in from the flank (like what he has always done with aplomb) and either Lallana or Firmino playing in the hole 9. Lastly but not the least, this basically means Der Klopp has to throw the die on Divock "will he shock us this season?" Origi being the orthodox 9 like what Robert "Big Lews" Lewandowski did last time round before being tempted by the promise of an all year round Oktoberfest.
Before I go to sleep...
Let me just say something about my beloved Boro. What promised so much for us ended up in a defeat. I saw the result between Derby and Wolves on Livescore. Coupled with whatever little I managed to glean from the Sky live feed last Saturday, Nuno "El Spirito" Espírito Santo's greatest weapon may not be Rúben "and to think people assumed he'd say 'NEVER!' to the Chinese splashing out their Chinese cash" Neves. Rather, it might turn out to be someone possibly with the net worth less than half of 14 million quids.
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| This is Barry "unrelated to Michael" Douglas. Not to be confused with Michael "unrelated to Barry" Douglas. |
Against a team blessed with two creative players in the form of Neves and Diogo "last name sounds Japanese" Jota, the Welsh Monk set out with a half arsed middle 3. While I can understand the need to create a shielding screen for George "BFF" Friend in the form of Marten "fights like a marten, running like the Roon" De Roon, it basically means Jonny "the howitzer" Howson was our only effective source of long passes. Despite playing with a half-arsed middle 3, we managed to keep Wolves at bay. Come the second half, we're pinned back. It wasn't a freak coincidence that the introduction of Adam "not a Lallana" Forshaw changed the game with 25 mins to go. With two long passing blokes in front of Adam "again not a Lallana" Clayton, we turned the screws on a team which might have invested more money than us (just don't ask me about Jota's net worth). Yes, it exposed a hole in front of our BFF, but every tactic and strategy have their own risk. In this sense, there's not much difference between 10% risk factor and 30% risk factor. Our defeat wasn't so much about performance, but rather a case of strategic defeat. Given that it took our Welsh Monk 65 mins to get things right, we actually acquitted ourselves well. And when I say we, I include our Welsh Monk as well.
If there's anything we can learn from last season, it wouldn't be from Aitor "where will he go next?" Karanka. Rather, it's from another amigo from the glitzy half of the Spanish capital. Namely, Zinedine "Le Professeur X" Zidane. On the first glance, his decision to play Toni "Der Stark" Kroos and Luka "Skywalker" Modrić nearer to the back 4 halfway through the Champions League finale last season was anything but tactically sane. With Casemiro cut loose from the chains binding him, pundits could be forgiven for thinking Le Professeur X had gone barking mad like Magneto. Surprise! The Romans from Turin had no answer to a barrage of chances created from the back. While it must be cautioned that we're no Galácticos, I truly doubt it will harm our Welsh Monk's Boro cause by emulating someone who looks and thinks like Charles Xavier himself. Last time I checked, Clayton was more of an orthodox box to box offensive mid before joining our Boro cause.
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