Because I'm no Mick "the biggest Mick" McCarthy, I'd rather not speculate whether he's doing it because I said something insane. And speaking of insane, it's a good thing that he didn't go one step too far. Last time I checked, you deserved to be slapped if you're insane enough to ask a señorita what is the meaning of the word "pito". Doesn't matter whether she's Spanish, Catalan, Portuguese, or Singaporean.
Seriously, if you think El Spirito is bad enough, try dealing with Diego "El Lobo" Simeone. Although to be fair, something like this video would have got El Spirito a three-match ban at the very least.
Spoiler: Wolves, Los Che, and Los Rojiblancos all have some sort of Chinese connection in the boardroom.
Before I start the ball rolling, Boro fans please skip this part...
It's official. I'm going to do a Total Recall for my blogs. After I finish this post, I'll be starting a new blog. Doing three blogs has to be the dumbest idea I've ever tried. To be a normal Singaporean, you need to learn how to multitask. The problem is, I'm not normal. Perhaps I was born to be abnormal, but the fact remains that I can't multitask. Comparing my fellow Singaporeans to yours truly is like comparing Tohsaka Tokiomi to Emiya Kiritsugu. Apart from a common identity, there's nothing in common between us. Like how Kiritsugu was a specialist, I'm a single focus guy. Just don't ask me whether such a guy is considered boyfriend material compared to his fellow S'poreans. And no, I'm not gonna entertain questions on who my future Irisviel will be.
At this point in time, it should be clear that whatever insanity I've pulled off was nothing more than an online persona. I don't mind people calling me fake over what I said here. At least I'm honest enough to tell people the truth. Which now comes to this meme below.
This is John L'Otter. John L'Otter is clearly a Deadpool in the making. As a southern otter cursed/blessed with inner Frenchness, John holds a dim view of his fellow otters from the south. This is due to matters ranging from female otters being otter-shamed to the dark-furred otters. Therefore, John L'Otter considers himself an outsider in the same way Jon Snow's dad wasn't a Stark. Just don't ask John whether his future girlfriend will come from Punggol West.
Note: In case you've yet to realise it, John L'Otter is merely the online persona of Kuok Minghui. It's like me saying Emilia "404 Jon and Daario not found" Clarke is not a Targaryen in real life.
Add note: The title of my new blog is tentatively named L'République Otters.
Tactical nudity and a strategic crisis?
It's official. Boro may well be in a strategic crisis amounting to tactical nudity. This has got nothing to do with the third page of a British Sun. For some weird reason, the return of Señor AK-47 doesn't seem that nice. I'll go straight to the point. My creativity is currently sapped and I don't want to waste too much time trying to come up with some pompously French opening statement.
This is what you came for, so get off my plane
This is Jack "will he fire first like Han Solo?" Harrison. Not to be confused with a Swansea Jack or the President of the United States fyi.
Against Burton Albion, we put up a horror show. This was worse than marrying a corpse bride. While Nigel "call my dad Brian" Clough is no Tim Burton, his direct approach rattled us to no end. Let's start with the defensive first.
Against Burton's direct approach, our defensive width was thrown into panic. It's ridiculously criminal. If the #Pulisman was the monarch instead of Queen Elizabeth II, he'd have sentenced half the squad to death. Hanged, drawn, and quartered, no less. He's not going to care about whether the next princess consort is related to the Teesside via Clan Bruce. I saw the starting lineup. 4-3-3 with three holding mids. There's no excuse for this. Having three holding mids could only mean one thing: They should be good enough to snuff out the threat, but each of them ended up marrying a corpse bride instead.
Ultimately, our abysmal showing resulted in the attack being compromised. #Pulisman is all about fortifying the back like a Scottish Bruce. If things go wrong at the back, nothing will go right for Adama "definitely not a Djimi" Traoré. Our lads won't have the composure to play direct balls to him. Why? Because we're constantly disrupted by the opposition. #Pulisman is all about discipline and composure at the back because this is his only way to set Traoré speeding along the highway. We're effectively screwed! We're effectively shafted! Why? Because of the back. Sorry, but I don't see any tactical nudity behind the fact that our defence wasn't good enough to justify a goal. Poor Nigel was wrongfully damned United right at the very death.
Yet, it must be stated that the introduction of Britt "will he rediscover his big bad streak?" Assombalonga and Swansea City Jack changed the game. Not so much as to whether our performance warranted a win since we're definitely luckier than some Toto Tan winning the next Toto lottery (note: Apologies to any fellow S'porean surnamed Tan who enjoys that occasional lottery punt). Rather, it started with a potential what-if.
By the time #Pulisman threw in the last sub, the formation should look like the classic 4-4-2. And guess what? There's nothing sinful about playing 4-4-2 in the same way it's not a sin for Lady Amelia Windsor to enjoy some fish and chips plus a dash of salt and a splash of vinegar. In fact, 4-4-2 may well be the reason why Birmingham is now enjoying some decent semblance of a resurgence under the Welsh Monk himself. Ironically, he (i.e. the Welsh Monk) could have tried doing 4-4-2 before getting sacked by Gibbo.
So how should a 4-4-2 fish and chips work for us?
Harrison's presence would/should have given #Pulisman something to think about. In his current 4-3-3 system, having Patrick "BAM! BAM! BAM!" Bamford as the lone forward is like asking Ryan "not Shawcross" Tunnicliffe to take that poor lad out with a single tackle. #Pulisman should be no stranger to this scenario ever since another Ryan quite literally took out an opposition player. It's not cool getting floored by a tackle. I know because Ryan actually took me down once with a rugby tackle. Although it must be stated that adrenaline was to be blamed for that 2012 moment.
What I'm trying to say is this: 4-3-3 only works if we have a centre-forward with the physique of a green Bruce Banner. Do we have such a player? The answer is yes. Where is he right now? In the FICU (i.e. Footballers' Intensive Care Unit).
Say what you like about Rudy "not Khairon from Singapore" Gestede. His face may look like a donkey, but he's nothing short of a draft horse. I'll be this brutally honest here: #Pulisman doesn't need a stubborn donkey to lead the line. In this sense, Gestede is no donkey. By losing Gestede to injury, we have effectively lost half the battle even before the first whistle from that man in black. No physical presence to hold up the ball, no giant of a man to resist whatever intimidation coming from the opposition backline. The likes of El Spirito and Brain Clough Jr knew it. And they exploited it. Football is a game where the only way to show gratitude to your former club is not to celebrate after scoring. Nothing less because of loyalty. Nothing more because, in Bill Shankly's own words, football is much more serious than a matter of life and death. I don't have to tell anyone whether Señor AK-47 will approach tomorrow's match like a hardened soldier armed with an actual AK-47.
However, all is not lost. While I'll never know whether Lady Amelia Windsor enjoys having the occasional commoner's fare, I'm very sure an effective 4-4-2 can throw in a vital tactical surprise or two.
Let's start off with the bad and ugly: #Pulisman needs to drop one holding mid out of his current 3. Why I'm stating the obvious is very simple: Whether a 4-4-2 parmo football (because we're Middlesbrough after all) works will hinge heavily on what kind of holding mids #Pulisman will deploy. We have two holding mids more comfortable in running around and winning the ball. Namely, Adam "pretty sure Bono ain't his BFF" Clayton and Muhamed "back to the basics" Bešić. Then we have two holding mids capable of playing simple long passes. Namely, Grant "He-Who-Bites-The-Lead" Leadbitter and Jonny "son of a howitzer" Howson. How #Pulisman plays his middle two will impact how the width will operate. Needless to say, the offensive width will, in turn, impact the two strikers up front.
Overloading the back
The reason why opponents know how to deal with the guy arguably faster than Usain "he runs like a lightning" Bolt is down to what the Vickerman wrote below:
[They not only double marked Traore and were quickly in the instant he had the ball - one tackling and one standing off to move for the second ball when he wriggled past - but they also were quick to close Boro midfielders down and cut out possible angles to pick him out. They 'stopped him at source' as Nigel Clough said.]
https://www.gazettelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/big-point-no-cause-middlesbrough-14484668
To stop the man at the source, that very same man must first be effectively marked. Only when he's effectively shackled by two men can the other lads nearby be quick enough to close down the rest of the opponent mids. In order to turn the tables effectively, #Pulisman needs to apply pressure on the opposition from one width to the central region. We have Bamford, we have Britt. Together, they can form B2. This is not some cheeky stab at Simon "he cows contestants for a living" Cowell or U2. I'm referring to my confidence in Bamford and Assombalonga when it comes to supporting Traoré. One man may not be enough to pull the opposition backline apart, so how about three instead? Without Gestede, #Pulisman can instead opt for a faster offensive. It's doable, I'm pretty confident in this.
Which now comes to the most important question. I won't call it the million GBP question because the Championship playoff final is so historically lucrative, the only reason why it never got more global airtime is due to its second flight status. Read this carefully and let it sink in: Should it be Downing, the Knight of Pallister Park on the other width or Harrison, the Squire from Manchester?
Spoiler: Downing is effectively another James "VI" Morrison minus the violence and Ronaldo.
P.S: Speaking of Vickerman, I need to mention the source of inspiration.
