Group of C=Group of See
When I say "see", I don't mean the Holy See. I'm referring to the Hokkien term for death/die. In short, this group is actually far more of a group of death than we otherwise thought. This is not your seekina group, any team can easily pop up a surprise never before seen ever since Ned Stark died. On the first glance, it looks straightforward. Germany will surely be the favourites. After all, La Furia Roja won the World Cup six years ago, after which they won the Euro two years later. In fact, I'd say Die Nationalelf is my second pick to win after Les Bleus (despite lacking an Algerian bloke up front, I'm pretty sure that black bloke will do his job nicely). However, their recent form is now fluctuating like the American economy so far in the last 4 years (something which the Democrats will use gleefully to their advantage since every Bush is a Republican. The less said about Romney's disastrous campaigning strategy, the better). Across the sea, the Northern Gaels will not be around to make up the numbers. The last team in the group is the "birthplace" of Geralt of Rivia, namely Poland.
Let me be this frank, folks. The Gaels from the north are determined to be the party pooper, the Poles of Kaer Morhen will want to do this to their most hated foe ever since A.Hitler decided on a final solution.
Before I kick off my analysis...
Let me express my surprise and gratitude to a nation which gave birth to three outstanding individuals.
I know plenty of my fellow local Singaporeans know a bit about tennis and football. As for the last guy holding an axe, his name is Andrzej "I make wolves even more badass" Sapkowski. Bet only 1% of Singapore know him. *shrugs*
For the past two posts, one nation decided that my analysis is truly valuable. Namely Kaer... erm, I mean Poland. Despite this being a foreign blog (after all, not every Pole speaks English in the same way not every English speaks French), the Poles decided that my nonsense is actually worth their time. In other words, they must have seen something in me which my fellow Singaporeans failed to see. *shrugs*
Credit to the one where it is due
I discovered the above URL by sheer luck. With any further luck, this post may easily change the game for this group.
Die Nationalelf
Surely the favourite to top the group, let alone going through to the next stage. In Joachim "not high" Löw, the Germans must be feeling optimistic. From Bavaria to Hamburg, all eyes will be expecting their beloved Saxon heroes to win the title. In a sexy manner, no less. Under Löw's leadership, truly this team of towering Saxons are playing a sexy brand of counter-attacking football. Practical and pleasing to the eye, it's like me having my dream girl as my local Singaporean girlfriend.
And therein lies the catch: Something went wrong somewhere. Recent form is anything but assuring. To make things worse, Marco "der Zeus" Reus has officially withdrawn from the national reckoning. If it's true that the defensive width is becoming a problem, then the next best thing Der Löw can do is to emulate Aitor "El Calvario?" Karanka. In other words, creating a flat back 4 with the aim of playing the ball from the back. If you can't get them forward, at least let them play it forward.
Apart from sorely missing (?) Philipp "Der Kanone" Lahm, another problem for Der Löw is replacing Der Zeus on the left. This is where Mario "the white Super Mario" Götze comes into the picture. Neglected by Pep, a hero created by Löw. Such is his story so far. If he wants to impress his new foreign talent boss, he will get a chance no better than this tourney. Carlo "Signor San Siro" Ancelotti is someone who will most likely adopt a more languid style of football where the team will most likely be playing like a graceful signora unlike the passionate señorita under Pep or the plucky dame under Jupp "I first made Karanka famous, not that Portuguese" Heynckes. Either that or he will replace someone from the Kop.
Then we have a forgotten man. Nearly forgotten if not for two reasons. The first one is the one below.
The second reason why that forgotten man is nearly forgotten instead of totally forgotten lies in his most recent run-out. In Germany's last friendly, Bastian "Der Bastion" Schweinsteiger may have shown 50 shades of his former glory never seen since 4 years ago. While it's too early to assume whether we will eventually see 100 shades of Der Bastion instead of just half the amount, his presence assured the entire team. Which comes to the most important aspect of Der Löw's career. Whether Die Nationalelf will hit an all-time high or a rock bottom low depends greatly on the holding mid area. By creating an effective mortar partnership as the glue, Germany can go far. Perhaps even winning the trophy. Do the central mid wrongly and everyone, from Bavaria to Hamburg, will most likely turn from white to yellow. If I have accidentally offended any East Asian currently living Germany, Bavaria or Hamburg, I offer you my apologies. And yes, that includes those from Singapore as well.
Жовто-Син
If this word seems like some sort of elven rune, be assured that it's Ukrainian. Yes, we now have the Ukrainians. Firstly, let me apologise for the fact that I glossed over their presence just now. It's like me forgetting Ross "not Charles" Barkley. I'm being serious here, not sarcastic. For too long, this country has been experiencing all kinds of turmoil. From Blokhin's New Jersey salute to Crimea and Donetsk, the Slavic Dynamo has been in the news for all the wrong reason. Will this be their chance at last? Their chance for redemption finally? Two players stand out apparently. Namely Yehven "I prefer tapas to fish and chips" Konoplyanka and Andriy "Shevchenko?" Yarmolenko. The former represents the kind of flair Unai "I officially made unagi sushi out of Liverpool" Emery has been all about. The latter, on the other hand, represents 50 shades of Sheva.
Because I know far less about the Slavic Dynamo than their Saxon rivals, let me just out what they need to do if they want to spring a Ukrainian surprise. Firstly, they need to play the ball forward fast. If not for the MH17 tragedy, I'd have used Crimea as a tactical example. Either way, the Slavic Dynamo should get the drift. To ensure such a strategy work, however, they must be defensive stout throughout the spine. In other words, they'll need the centre-backs and central midfield to play at their finest best. If they can perform as if regional peace depends on the result, then I won't put it past them pulling off a Slavic Express. Given it's an ex-defender named Mykhaylo "defence on form" Formenko being the manager, it's actually possible.
The Norn Iron
Otherwise known as the Gaels from the north, the Northern Irish managed a feat not even the genius of George "best of the best from Belfast" Best was able to accomplish. The late Sir Matt Busby may have made a Northern Irish famous, but Michael "let's call him Martin as well" O'Neill may have made every Northern Irish famous. Before this current edition of Euro Championship, Northern Ireland is arguably more famous for a deceased genius and all the fine ale. Then was yesterday, now is today. And what is today to the Norn Iron?
http://typemoon.wikia.com/wiki/Ionioi_Hetairoi
Like an army under the banner of Bro-skander, the Norn Iron will show no fear. In fact, there's nothing much for them to fear. They will enter the tourney blessed with nary an expectation. It's like expecting my beloved Boro to win the league next season. No chance in hell, bro. I'm not going to be dumb enough to expect the Gaels to emulate the lords of Leicester. But am I brave enough to assume they may progress at least until the knockout stage? (sounds rather short a journey, but that's because you're not from Belfast) They will surely park their Irish bus, mark my words when I say this will be what every Irish is gonna do.
The last name of O'Neill can never be any more ironic than today. Both O'Neills are managing the Irish, both O'Neills advocate the Irish way of parking the bus. While the absence of Chris "not Gunter" Brunt will affect the team, I doubt the entire nation will bear the brunt of such a disaster. No Brunt, never mind. So long the midfield and defence stay compact, the northern Gaels are fine to slug it out. In Kyle "not from South Park" Lafferty, the Norn Iron has its own source of LOL in the 20 yard box. So long the team keeps pumping the artillery over the halfway line, that's enough. Do not expect a Russell "not Lee" Crowe moment though.
A/N: Hopefully this analysis won't come back and haunt me. What if I just copy, paste, and modify this section to explain what the other O'Neill will do for the other Irish team? #selfperfectionist
Biało-czerwoni
Lastly, we now arrive at Poland. Surely this will be one hell of a derby, for the relationship between Poland and Germany is no different from Singapore's relationship with Malaysia. We got football, we got history, this is the closest thing we'll ever get to watching our Lions XII once more. After all, Scotland failed to qualify and I happen to know Mel Gibson's most famous movie apart from the Lethal Weapon series and The Passion of Christ. At this point of time, I'm sure the Poles are smelling blood. After all, it's been a long time since Leo "the old lion" Beenhakker took over the Polish reins. 10 years to be exact (okay, that's technically wrong since he's already in Poland before landing in Germany).
Like the northern Gaels, the national burden will be placed on Robert "will he be Lews Therin Telamon?" Lewandowski. A deadly finisher of the ball blessed with a physical presence, it'd still be folly to assume the Poles will just try to do a long ball poleaxe. Their coach is a relative unknown named Adam "not the first man" Nawalka. This will surely work in their favour, not the least because of whatever I'm unable to write.
Their campaign trail so far is no different from that other team in the group. For an unknown coach, Nawalka did quite well. Exceeding expectations, in fact. Beating the Germans 2-0 has to be their finest moment of revenge since taking part in Operation Overlord more than 50 years ago.
From the report gleaned via the internet, it seems that the Poles enjoy overlapping from the right. This can become terribly predictable as the opponent will know sooner or later how to neutralise this strategy. Case in point: I can just make those full grown Poles cry by telling my midfield to lock down the right. From the back till the halfway line, no less.
The Poles will need to create a defensive balance in any two of their midfield dept. Either the right and centre, right and left, or left and centre. This is to minimise the risk of getting sucker punched. In fact, all the other 3 teams in this group are capable of easily doing just that.
Another problem lies in the mental aspect. They have that unwanted tag of chokers. Like Cardiff before Malky "I don't wear red, I only wear blue" Mackay, they will always be more than capable of making A.Hitler rant non-stop.
Will they break the choking duck? Will they come out good at last? Will they even win this year's Euro at the expense of the Germans? If Poland can do any of the three, it means national holiday on the cards.
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