Before I start, please skip the part below if you're a fellow Boro-ther in arms
Recently, the women in my nation and those across the Atlantic made the headlines for all the... well, I don't know how to phrase it. Long story short, Harvey Weinstein may well end up becoming Harvey Grabstein while Park Ju-won became AWARE's pride in the same way the Hwaseong Fortress is the pride of Suwon. Now let me just say that what happened to Jang Ja-yeon shouldn't happen to anyone. You wouldn't want to make Der Wolf angry.
Why am I saying all this? Because recently, Romelu "the black Romulus" Lukaku made the headlines for (a few) wrong reasons. Seriously, I feel sorry for him. Which now comes to my friend Salted Fish. Firstly, congrats on getting married way before I do. Secondly, congrats on marrying a fellow Man Utd fan in the form of a SIA girl. However, I must state that calling her Shufen will most likely get you into trouble. Then again, I know you're throwing me a smoke bomb, that you're hinting there's a girl interested in me and that I happen to know her identity (not that her name is Shufen).
And lastly, you actually mentioned some Lukaku song being sung. I hope you're not referring to correct one (or wrong one depending on whether you're being factual or moralistic). I hope your wife won't interrogate you over this.
Note: Shufen's initials read as SF. The same goes for Salted Fish. Bloody hell, you do indeed have faith in my superhuman analytical ability. It's like Zhuge Liang saying "略懂，略懂" where in fact he's a genius.
Unfortunately, I'm still trying to find that "略懂，略懂" part.
Also, please don't mind the turtle, Salted Fish.
Lastly, Zhuge Liang's wife's surname was Huang/Ng.
Enough of this nonsense, let's continue (yes, Boro fans can now switch on back)
It's been a sticky patch for us. While things could have easily turned out worse, the fact is that our current position doesn't exactly read like "smashing the league". More likely it's a case of fans getting smashed. Having money is one thing, but money doesn't win you everything. Look at the blue Mancunians. How many times have they proved a certain Sir A.Fregie that... well, Fergie was correct? In fact, it's utterly stupefying that the red Mancunians have yet to discuss plans of getting a "Fergie Was Right" T-shirt (although I can't predict how Stan "not a S'porean" Lee would react to this).
The same goes for us. Like his BFF's namesake, our Welsh Monk joined a team full (and high) on promises. Unlike the more famous Pep, he has yet to find the correct way. At least the bald version of Pep is currently enjoying his football via a 3 man backline plus Fernandinho.
However, it must be stated that our Welsh Monk's apparent indecisiveness doesn't extend to the backline. In fact, the stability is there with the problem pointing to the final third instead of our defensive third. Don't believe me?
Relevance between attack and defence
Unlike our Welsh Monk, our Señor doesn't require two goals to send a strong message. Rather, one goal was enough. Which is why I still feel Boro under the previous regime was like Valencia under Quique "one-nil" Sánchez Flores. And therein comes the problem.
There's only this much our backline can do if our firing squad isn't scoring. Defensive teams don't have to worry about not scoring enough because their system doesn't rely on a good offence to ease pressure off the backline. For someone like our Welsh Monk, effective pressure from our firing third is the only way for the back 6 to do their job properly (back 7 if we're to talk abt 4-3-3). Hence, I'll only be talking about the firing third. But before that...
We need to decide whether Ryan has a place in the squad
I didn't see the last match against Brentford. However, it seemed that Ryan "the shotgun" Shotton had a terrible day. It's like my friend Ryan hitting me with a rugby tackle due to adrenaline overdose. While I've never held any grudges against him, the fact is that he got the wrong target. Likewise, Ryan the Shotgun hit the wrong note. Yet, please allow yours truly to play the devil's advocate.
Firstly, I don't know why Dael "he's the opposite of small fry" Fry got taken down. Yes, mistakes happen. Such move is never a wise one considering the central defensive area is the one that requires coordination more than any other dept. How much time do you think Ryan the Shotgun had to try clicking with the team? If training sessions are good enough, then we might as well expect a starting XI full of kids. After all, Fergie was right in doing that years ago!
Secondly, how much playing time Ryan the Shotgun had before joining us? Assuming the Brum Mail wasn't lying like a politician or lawyer, the lad failed to start 5 games in a row! For someone who only missed 3 games out of 46, this hundred-eighty degree turn in fortunes shouldn't be underestimated.
Suffice to say, I'm willing to cut him some slack. Physically and mentally, he's not 100% there on the pitch. It's not because he's only after his weekly bread. Rather, I believe he's only human and that you don't expect the most from someone of his circumstances.
I did a Google search on him just now. Apparently, he was able to play rightback, right wingback, and even a right winger or a makeshift forward. However, it seems that he's more of a specialised defensive right player more than anything else. His ability as a makeshift forward went like "due to his 6 ft 3 in frame". In other words, he's most likely a player capable of tackling and holding down play. While using him as a stand-in for Big Fry can be seen as a tactical risk, I have no problem with him playing at the rightback. Problem is, we already got a Cyrus. Not the twerking Cyrus or the Persian one, but rather Miley Cyrus "not a Persian" Christie.
My best guess is that Shotton is meant to be a replacement of sorts for Ben "His Royal Highness" Gibson. But that's assuming he ends up bailing to somewhere higher up during the next transfer window. Which isn't too long a wait. That's the only logical reason behind a seemingly daft move. In fact, we may even see Stewart "going down or up?" Downing outing himself from the team during the most disruptive period of any football season bar the African Cup of Nations (thankfully, we're no Liverpool). In other words, Shotton's future is still up in the air where plenty will hinge on Big Ben's call.
Master Strategist needed. No need for experience or degree, only pure genius.
Above header is meant as a joke. However, it must also be stated that our Welsh Monk is in no man's land (or no Monk's land if you wanna put it this way). This is due to the manner of names in the firing third dept. No matter how I look at it, there are egos abound. No matter where I see it, it's a man-management nightmare. In fact, this is the kind of situation which the likes of Chris "Scipio Anglofricanus" Hughton, Sean "pretty sure he's no douche" Dyche, and Ian "he's barking mad like yours truly" Holloway wouldn't like to handle.
In short, I won't be surprised if our Welsh Monk is out to create the kind of strategy where the attacking lineup can be customised according to the opposition. At the same time, it can also maximise the chances of any attacking substitution count. Problem is, you don't expect to win a match with 30 mins remaining. Yes, such victories have happened before. But to rely on that? Señor might be trying just that last season where 'tis better to score one and win it 1-0 late. Sadly, he got sacked as a result.
So what should our Welsh Monk do to avoid his own grabstein?
Get a stable firing squad and be honest with the rest
Players like their bosses to be honest. I mean, let's be realistic. Would you want to work for someone who is clearly fake? Not in a physical sense ofc, but rather in terms of daily interaction and relationship. I'm a working adult, I know the importance of work relationship with my boss. This is not to say currying favour is the best way out. Rather, it's down to whether your boss can be trusted to respect you. Respect you as an individual and professional.
This is what our Welsh Monk needs to do. Nail down on a consistent lineup and be honest to those under him. If the players are mature enough, they will know, understand, and gladly accept. Otherwise... well, I don't know how useful an immature player is to any team's cause. Remember, Fergie was right. Well, perhaps not all the time, but surely most of the time. Go ask David "he got a golden boot" Beckham if you don't believe my words.
Note: Due to the likes of Downing and Lewis "not a Hamilton" Baker, this also means being honest with the midfield instead of just the ones in the firing line upfront.
Two rigged deals, one black hole
I apologise if above header sounds racist. But then again, I think most (if not all) of our attacking players are as black as Lukaku (no lewd songs, please. Just a big hell no). Our Welsh Monk needs to decide with two positions should be rigged. Not like Wilson "not Willy" Raj doing it illegally, but to do so legally.
If he's going with a 4-3-3, ideally it should be the two attacking wide berths. In fact, our friendly against Augsburg should have amounted to something. At the same time, though, nailing down the central striking role and one wide position is also doable. This is due to Britt "the black Britt" Assombalonga's ability to roam within the final third without the ball. Which makes him an ideal wide forward since there's plenty of space for him to pick out the best pass.
If he's out to do a 4-2-3-1, then it'd be trickier. Because 4-2-3-1 is a formation more synonymous to being systematic, I prefer 3 fixed roles and one position up for grabs.
Lastly, it's surely somewhere and never nowhere
This refers to our source of goals. I still remember José "O Especial" Mourinho coming to my country during 2012. In fact, I even recall clearly that this was somewhere in the middle of Euro 2012. He said goals win you games. However, I don't think he mentioned signing Mesut "the Ottoman Turkish delight" Özil for this very purpose. Yet, the fact remains that creativity is the source of many goals (maybe that's the reason why my national team sucks).
Our Welsh Monk needs to decide where to place the fulcrum creativity. Should it be out wide? Or in the space between the midfield and firing line? Nearer to the backline since he did just that with Downing before? No one needs to tell him two fulcrums instead of one. After all...
1. We're no Barcelona.
2. Monk isn't Pep. BFF Pep or the other Pep, it doesn't matter.
