Pulis says "freeze!"(?)

One of the things I've learnt so far is this: Do not eat the chicken katsu sandwich meal from 4Fingers. It's really very tasty, but also very damn filling at the same time. I never knew they actually fried the bread, hence the term chicken katsu sandwich. I had one for lunch, now I've yet to go hungry (and it's alrdy 10+ at night now).

Apart from 4Fingers, another thing of note is the death of ex-president S.R Nathan. I know plenty of Chinese (no matter where they are/come from) regard death as an obscenity (read: if it's a taboo, then you might as well treat it as an obscenity. Which makes Kelemvor as some kind of dog to my fellow Singaporean Chinese), but I can't find a better way to put it. I didn't grow up in an era where the Mossad may have contemplated assassinating Japanese terrorists. When a couple of KGB wannabes set off a bomb, I wasn't even an embryo. Suffice to say, those of my generation and later (generally speaking ofc) may have been quite detached from the life of that Tamil tiger (a compliment from yours truly, not to be confused with the LTTE from Sri Lanka). I'm not going to tell a lie by saying Mr Nathan has affected my life in a way some others have been affected by him (positively ofc!). However, I still believe that he deserves respect even after he is now no longer with us. The worst way to (dis)respect Mr Nathan has never been about any form of emotional detachment (unless you're perfectly fine in telling a lie to make yourself feel better). Rather, it's something like this.

Note: I'm pretty sure Mr Nathan wouldn't mind me saying that the ISD deserves recognition as well when it comes to prevention whenever the cure couldn't be found.

Add Note: Yes, I'd appreciate it if we all can spend a minute of silence here.

More add note: Above statement was done last night because today is Sunday.

With the prologue said and done...

Let's move onto Tony "Pulis says 'freeze!'(?)" Pulis. When Stoke decided to put this bloke into a sack, I thought the fans had gone off their rockers. This was someone who brought them up from the doldrums of ignominy, this was the guy who made the club stayed up unlike what Phil "not Black" Brown did with Hull (or pretty much 90% of the managers in charge of newly promoted teams). I have to say that while the current situation pretty much justified the sacking of Pulis, I still felt that he deserved much more than... well, just that.

Fast forward to now and it seems that he may have gone more than just a wee bit smarter. The funny thing abt English football lies in the fact that British football is the antithesis of Swiss tennis. Can you imagine comparing Sam "Big Uncle Sam" Allardyce with Roger "yes, I know his name sounds like 'retarded' in Chinese" Federer? What abt comparing Pulis with Stan "the 'WOW!' man" Wawrinka? Don't even try getting me started on comparing the national football scene in England with Martina "not to be confused with martini" Hingis or Belinda "tak benci" Bencic.

Then something went wrong. English tacticians are now trying to emulate the Black Prince instead of trying to be a Lionheart wannabe (ironically, I'm pretty Richard I was actually French since the Normans themselves were... well, French).

Traditionally, 4-2-3-1 was an obscenity because it's something made famous by some Johnny Foreigner. Def not a Johnny English hobby (read: knows no fear+knows no danger=knows nothing). For the English, it's either 4-4-2 or 4-5-1 with the occasional 3-5-2 (still remember Steve "not of McLaren" McClaren doing a 3-5-2 when he's still with us).

Then we start seeing them adopting this formation. Not only that, more noise was starting to be made when it comes to passing the ball like Paul "the apostle of Old Trafford" Scholes instead of just keeping the ball like Cristiano "I not from Brazil" Ronaldo. Apparently, Fabio "Pass the ball... pass the ball! PASS THE *BLEEP*ING BALL!!!!!!!!!!" Capello got his belated wish.

Injury crisis and proof that even the ppl at TNP are reading my blog...

I won't say that everyone is reading my blog(s), but I'm very sure more ppl of non-Singaporean nations are reading my stuff instead of a Singaporean majority for a Singaporean blog. Scarily enough, I started getting views from La République Française shortly after the conclusion of this yr's Euro. It's quite surreal in a sense that I don't know whether it's Didier "Monsieur Bleu" Deschamps, my cousin and/or the rest of her family members, or just some la demoiselle like this one below.

C'mon, you think this is for real?
I mean the girl, not the fact that there are really views from La République itself.

Why I'm suspecting the ppl at TNP are reading my stuff is very simple. All four TNP tipsters (i.e. Le Beng, Le Veteran, Le Expert, and La Chick) predicted the same outcome. Namely a draw. Seriously, are you four for real? We lost our BFF leftback to injury, we lost Fábio "not his bro" da Silva to injury, we're sorely pressed in the leftback position. And you all are still calling for a draw instead of a 1-0 win to the men of Hawthorns? To quote a certain Minister Tan Chuan Jin, I like to be your friend.

You wanna see a draw? Fine. I'll try going for a win. After all, I was the one who mentioned something abt a two man firing squad instead of a 4-3-3 last time round. Damn, why am I sounding like a certain Edward (not the Black Prince) here?

Note: No, I'm not gonna answer whether Leo Percovich is the same RL version of Alex Louis Armstrong or whether Mark Hughes is really Maes Hughes. Or even whether Señor is the RL parallel of Roy Mustang for that matter. But I can tell you the RL version of Winry Rockbell has yet to appear (even though I'm pretty sure she's there somewhere. Pretty sure I saw her somewhere in my workplace 4 yrs ago...).

Fish & Chips (football) vs Parmo (football)

When we talk abt fish and chips, we're reminded of the standard English worker's fare. When we talk abt the parmo, it's basically the Teesside version of fish and chips. Both represented the soul of community football, both can be very tasty if done the right way. Under Señor's stewardship, we're fast looking like a team of steel. Under Pulis' leadership, West Brom is now looking like a team of briars and thorns. This is not to say that we'll cut a swath through their territory. That's sheer nonsense because it took the French quite a long time to pull off a historic win over the Anglo-Saxons (hence the Hundred Year War)

When I talk up the Hawthorns as the homegorund for this team of thorns and briars, it means any opposition will run the risk of injuring themselves. When I say my beloved Boro is a team of steel, it merely refers to the armour rather than whether the sword is sharp enough (as the record currently stands, we're armed with steel maces instead of steel blades).

On paper, it's normal for the likes of Bernie "not Sanders" Slaven, Anthony "Untypically Yours" Vickers, and even Gary "you shall not pass (my park)!" Parkinson to say 3-5-2.

(note: quite contrary to the ignorant view, locked-in syndrome doesn't reduce your IQ unless you happen to be a deranged chimp abusing your OS and browser in the name of social media fame)

However, it's still strategically possible for Señor to play a back four as always. One of the greatest traits of a master tactician/strategist has never been about maximising limited resources. Rather, it's converting the disadvantage of limited resources into an advantage. It's not only abt the players and positions up for grabs, but rather what kind of football the opposition is playing. I know this sounds like footballing alchemy, Trust me when I say it's no rocket science. We still got Emilio "will he become Emilio Stue?" Nsue and Antonio "will he be another son of a gun?" Barragán. I don't have to spell out for you the only back 4 combination available unless you're dumber than what you claimed yourself to (not) be. As for how the only combination available will work, it really depends on how many tactical tweets I'll give.

The fake Shearer once said these damning words: "it's clear to see, it's black and white". While it's truly damning for these Geordie boys, it must be stated that there's more than one barcodes team in the same way we're not the only team wearing Vincent "I want the red (Liver) bird, not bluebirds" Tan's lucky colour. Juventus happens to be the most successful barcodes team so far, West Brom is also a barcodes team (albeit they're Anglo-Saxons, not Romans).

As you can see, this is a black and white brigade. If you still don't know what I'm talking abt here, allow me to showcase my analytical skill (and hopefully getting the attention of the real Winry Rockbell as a result).

In Full Metal Alchemist, alchemy is an art of analysis. To analyse the structure, you'll need to grasp the most important details instead of trying to figure out the entire starting X (not XI because the 'keeper is called a 'keeper for a reason). Funnily enough, that's also how Archer and Emiya Shirou pulled off their common Noble Phantasm.

To analyse the structure, we must understand the nature of the back 4. I did a check on the fullbacks (after all, we're talking abt the Pulis philosophy). The sight of Jonny "neither the real  Johnny English nor the correct Snow" Evans reminds me of his days as a centreback. Ultimately, that propmted me to Google for Craig "unrelated to Michael" Dawson. Turned out that he's got a physique of a centreback. What this means is a compact flat 4 intended as the platform to launch lightning fast raids. However, there has to be added insurance. On the first glance, that'd be Darren "he's gonna fletch the artillery" Fletcher. However, there's another barcodes bloke named Claudio "first name in Latin, last name in Malay?" Yacob. That's where the interesting part comes because he's a defensive mid. So does that mean Fletcher will be doing a flat 2 CM game with Yacob? It depends. After all, it's the Pulis philosophy. Personally, I'd be more worried if Fletcher is to be that defensive attack dog. Sound like an oxymoron? Not really considering the possible movement zone. Def not the midfield attack dog b/c that'd imply a box to box play not unlike an ex-barcodes player of black ethnicity currently playing for Man Utd. Def not offensive as well due to the same logic. Fletcher's movement zone will most likely be centred around Yacob in order to create an effective break-up play.

As for Craig "unrelated to the most recent 007" Gardner, it depends on where he will hold down the ball. This is most likely Pulis' tactical key to playing the ball forward anywhere further than 12 yards out. At the same time, there's no telling how far he will run in order to take the fight straight to our final 3rd. Tactically speaking, Gardner is that most dangerous barcodes bloke.

Which now comes to the black half of the black and white brigade. Namely Matt "unrelated to Kevin" Phillips, Saido "English guy, last name sounds Brazillian" Berahino, and José Salomón "破滅への Rondón" Rondón. Okay, the statement on black ppl may have been a lie/mistake. Rondón is Latin American who hails from a nation renowned for winning the kind of competition which made Rebecca "not Loos" Lim (somewhat) famous. Either way, Phillips' movement either from the flank or behind the firing two would mean serious trouble for us. In order to facilitate disciplined freedom coming from the width, however, one must understand that there has to be an offensive ball anchor. Which means 007 Gardner most likely.

In form of Berahino and Rondón, we got two underrated strikers to take care of. Berahino may be overrated for now, but there's no telling whether Pulis was really pulling an argument out from his arse. As for Rondón, he'll most likely be holding down the ball like the stereotypical non-black centre forward (most likely the reason why Sunlessland broke their previous piggy bank for Steven "not Lim" Fletcher). If Berahino keeps misfiring like the late Ray Charles holding a gun (not that he'd commit a crime anyway since I'm pretty sure he's a law abiding black bloke cum a decent one as well), then the only barcodes team in the EPL will be in for a chronic one pointer syndrome. Hawthorns loyalists will surely agree with me when I say Berahino shouldn't call himself the Modern Day Football's Equivalent of the late Ray Charles. Not only would it sound too damn arse pompous, it's too cumbersome a title to be considered a serious one anyway. And this is not to mention Ray Charles did prove his worth as a genius on a consistent basis.

What Pulis will most likely do...

Pundits like the real Alan "Captain England" Shearer would surely predict a cagey affair given that both Pulis and Señor are renowned men of steel instead of some genius bat from Gotham (don't we all love the good ol' days even though Christian "not Gareth" Bale managed to redefine a role made famous by Michael "Batman versus Birdman: Wings of Justice" Keaton). However, it may possibly be a case of WBA taking the fight to us anywhere within the middle 3rd. I won't say expect plenty of action in the final 3rd, but maybe something like this in the middle park. Yes, we'd want to right some wrong called "playing craven at the Craven Cottage". So does the Hawthorns faithful as well. I can't say who will be the thorns and who will be the briars when it comes to the 11 men and the 12th man, but I can assure every of my Boro'ther-in-arms that WBA will be baying for blood as well. All for the same reason. Interestingly enough, Mogga used to manage them despite him being the better bloke for the Boro job than Gareth "still only a Beaumains instead of a Gawain?" Southgate. Ironically, I think Mogga condemned us to a relegation lasting 7 years. Which (sorta?) led to this and that. Not to mention Joey "I don't pass the baton, I only use it" Barton showering contempt on us last season. Ironically, he eventually chose to go north instead of staying south. The Clarets faithful must be worshipping Sean "def not a douche" Dyche by now due to the arrival of Steven "plays like four professional Stevens combined" Defour.

Yes, I know it's a big wall of text. If you can decipher what I'm saying, it means you're most likely either the correct Pulis or the correct Señor. Maybe even both.

My advice to Señor?

Same thing as what I'd say to Monsieur Bleu if I was his field strategist during the recent Euro. Namely mind the defensive gaps. You should know better than yours truly on where.

P.S; Gotta eat dinner now, mother making noise. I may not be a genius, but I believe I'm born with OCDP. Winry Rockbell, you've been warned. ;)

Running out of time...

Less than 2 hrs before our first derby of the top flight season. Hopefully, I can make it on time. If got spare time, I'll say something on the red half of Manchester.

A match of running men

It feels absolutely surreal to see a derby potentially dominated by 2 teams of 11, 20 running men in total. I saw the starting lineup just now. Apparently, David "I got hot daughter" Moyes decided to go tried and tested. When I first saw his lineup against the slickers from the city of Manchester, I was like...

4-3-3 is very anti-Moyes in the same way 4-5-1 is very anti-football. If only football is really that simple, the Germans would have won silverware not so long ago. Fabio "Il Bovril" Borini out wide? You kidding me? A 3 bloke midfield? You mad? It took me a fair bit of time (not to mention effort as well) trying to decipher this anti-Moyes strategy. Upon seeing his lineup currently, plenty of things make some sense.

Above 4 panel meme strip may easily be the summary of Sunlessland saga (no offence intended after the 90 mins) for the entire season. Why Jermaine "not de Foe" Defoe is not listed is very simple: the danger posed is both a case of common knowledge and common sense knowledge. Seeing Adnan "not Adnandos" Januzaj out wide reminds me of Borini out wide, seeing Fabio "Il Bovril" Borini behind Defoe reminds me of a direct approach every Scot is traditionally so fond of. Make no mistakes about it, Borini will be given far more freedom (and with that, more responsibility) than Defoe. Holding up the ball and driving play forward, Moyes is out to hit us in the jugular like Jackie Chinese instead of messing things up like Johnny English (coincidentally, the real Johnny English also has a hot daughter). Januzaj will be raring to go so long either two scenarios happen:

1. Borini able to stamp his mark upfront between Defoe and the middle 4.

2. The middle 4 (including Januzaj) keeping things tight, compact, and ball-retention friendly.

Ultimately, the forward two will be given more freedom than Januzaj given the freedom to visit AdNando's not unlike what happened in my homeland N ages ago. This is where Jack "the lightning rod" Rodwell comes in. Won't be surprised if he's gonna play lightning rod. To the woefully uneducated, the job of a lightning rod is to absorb the lightning. If this is not a job originally intended for Lee "has a temper like Bruce Lee" Cattermole, I don't know what else is. Moyes will need to play the ball forward asap, it's gonna be a classic break and counter vs break and counter. This is where we'll see John "O'Cap" O'Shea in full action like Captain America... erm, I mean Captain Ireland. I remembered this Irish lad cutting the mustard as a rightback (if I'm not wrong). As a fullback, you should be more than able to hoof the ball. Trust me when I say Ben "Prince Gibbo" Gibson used to do that until Señor benched him like a certain Muzzy (no racist/xenophobic jokes pls, we're talking abt a legit nickname).

So there you have it. Organisation 4 by 4, playing the ball out from a 4 man spine. We're in for a hard fight for a few reasons.

1. Derby matches don't follow common sense logic unless something catastrophic happens (something which happened before to Moyes' ex).

2. Moyes is a capable man motivator and taskmaster (not this taskmaster since that'd effectively make me a Deadpool).

3. Moyes is a master of tactical banking (nothing to do with the Bank of England).

My advice to Señor? Four by two. I don't have to tell you that Shylock was a Jew and everybody else in England hates us like a Jew. Especially Gastón "El Bestia Bello" Ramírez since I'm pretty sure he's officially singled out for the final solution treatment.

P.S: Wait, does that make me a closet Jew as well since people enjoyed persecuting me from Henderson Primary School to Gan Eng Seng School and all the way till ITE Dover?

Yes, I know who said "Heil Sunderland!" tyvm...

Stoking the fire...

Really sucks to be a Singaporean, eh? When it comes to our best three sporting events, it's all about table tennis, swimming, and water polo. For water polo, no news is bad news. For table tennis, we got taken to cleaners of every nationality. When it comes to swimming, Quah "will he be the first celebrity fan of Arylos and/or Aeravor?" Zheng Wen experienced a Titanic moment. As for Joseph "not a Stalinist Joe" Schooling,it's arguably even worse given the absurd media glare he received early in his career compared to his... erm, I mean our compatriots (i.e. I don't know which one is worse, Titanic or the Battle of Waterloo).

Either way, seeing this reminded me of  our Anglo-Saxon ex-bosses. Like England, we're currently obsessed over the two shiniest stars in the local sporting scene. Like Wayne "no longer a looney (hopefully)" Rooney and Harry "unrelated to the Lee family. Or Cable and Deadpool for that matter" Kane, our poster boys are in pole position for national martyrdom (I won't say St George incarnate because we're no Anglo-Saxons).

And speaking of the two heirs apparent to St George himself (I won't say Sir Galahad because Siege Perilous remains an empty seat. Whatever that means anyway lol), the new season is finally going to start its curtain raiser(s) this weekend. And with this...

What to expect this upcoming season...

Firstly, expect the unexpected. Maybe we will be relegated. Maybe we'll end up making Alan "Captain England" Shearer eat his words instead. In the mad mad world of money (foot)ball, the only thing more powerful than money is a genius in every sense of the word. Because I'm out to test my mettle against the best of the best, I'll never stop unless PM Lee orders me to do so. In other words, I need to confirm (and affirm) how far my natural brilliance can go.

Format of this post (and the subsequent ones if you get what I mean...)

I'll only be covering the matches for my beloved Boro. This is due to limited time and space available. I got a daily job, I also got other stuff to take care of. I'm no Gandalf, quite obviously I can't multi-task.

Ofc if I have time and space to spare, I'll talk a bit about other teams. Not necessarily the English ones, mind you.

And now for stoking the fire....

It's official. Boro is finally up after quite a bit of (Korean) drama and a marvelous civil war. We have Genjo Sanzo as El Jefe with his fellow companions, all that's left is the monkey boy. Before I continue, please allow me the excuse to up a random song. Don't blame others, blame my abnormal condition and Minekura "Saiyuki" Kazuya.

So long story short, what should we expect from Boro this season? I can only sum it up like the only(?) Arthurian geek in Singapore. The Battle of Camlann. Not only do we need to approach the season 90 mins by 90 mins, we must also know when to approach the season 1 month by 1 month. By the time we reach Christmas, we'll know whether it's better to approach the season 1 match at a time or 4 matches in a single go. Until then, Señor should just tell our lads that they've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. The moment they think prematurely that there's something to lose, we'll invite unwanted pressure. Definitely, we're not from north London. And I mean it in terms of player quality (albeit we all know Londoners from the north are fans of the bottle).

Evolution of Britannia

Currently named Bet365 Stadium, I really missed the old name. Same location, yes. Sadly, the most badass stadium name has entered the annals of Britannian history. Hopefully, Bet365 will be renamed the Bretonnia Stadium.

If every Potter Harry is a Bretonnian, that possibly makes us the Asrai and the Riverside a parallel to Athel Loren. We do not have a superior army in the same way the forces of Athel Loren can never go toe to toe against the rampaging knights of Bretonnia. Under Mark "not Maes" Hughes, #TeamPotterHarry has evolved into #TeamHarryPotter. Quite a remarkable about-turn for a team made famous by Tony "Pulis says 'freeze!'" Pulis. While only a drunken moron will bet against Ryan "he doesn't need to be saved" Shawcross doing a Ramsey tackle* on Gastón "not so much a Luke Evans, more of a knight" Ramírez, I firmly believe the lads at Stoke-on-Trent are now capable of playing far better than Pulis' fish and chips football last time round.

*In a weird twist of fate, my friend Ryan hit me with a rugby tackle 4 years ago because certain people were too damn high. Needless to say, I required a stay in the hospital like Aaron "neither a Sir nor Alf" Ramsey.

With players who would never make the cut under Pulis' wintry football, (Aaron) Ramsey's fellow Welsh have surely improved the team. Tactically, the standard is still there. Technically, the entire Stoke-on-Trent has never before seen far better days.

So what does this say about Hughes? When he first cut his managerial teeth at Blackburn, the signs were already there. This isn't some rocket science or zodiac mathematics. He truly displayed the makings of a good manager. Plenty have been said about Steve "bruiser of a player" Bruce being a good manager. But what about Hughes? Plenty of pundits may have favoured Bruce for the English job, but that's only because Hughes is a British instead of an Englishman. Let me be this brutally frank to those who disagree with me: Hughes is a far better manager than Bruce. In fact, only three players from Sir A.Fergie's era have gone on to football management (from my best of memory, that is). However, Hughes remains the only one who can make the cut (Roy "take that, you *bleep!*" Keane comes close due to a nation's heroics waiting to be immortalised by Irish bards high on the red ale. However, he has yet to convinced me totally).

If there's anything to go by from his ill-fated journey back to Manchester (albeit the wrong half of the city), it would be the fact that he couldn't handle massive egos way larger than the whole of Wales. QPR and Fulham represented an error on his own part. Fulham was a case of misplaced ambition, QPR was a repeat of history itself. The problem with Hughes when he's at the White City of London was simply the same factor that did him in during his crash-and-burn at the wrong half of Manchester. By purchasing high profile signings, he quintessentially signed a pact with the devil. If he couldn't manage the blokes hired by al-Dirham's... well, dirham, what makes us think that he could do the same with high profile egos hired by Tony "not from House Stark" Fernandes' ringgit?

At Stoke, he finally saw the light. The most dangerous players at his disposal right now were the ones no other mid-table teams (including Newcastle for obvious reasons) would(?) sign on the first priority basis. Proven, but unknown. The one thing which works for the Koreans (from the south) all the while is an insistence on the tried and tested. It's actually quite telling when it comes to their dramas (yes, I know all the rabid 사생팬 will crucify me for "insulting" their beloved Princess Deokman). Freak coincidence or not, Hughes' current success actually mirrors the reason why the Koreans (from the south) are so successful.

Players to look out for

Don't all the girls like their boys to be bad? More oft than not, genetic pedigree accompanies problematic antics. In French speak, we call this Le Enfant Terrible. In universal language, we call this Eric "Le Kungfu" Cantona. While I won't label Marko "Arnie of Stoke-on-Trent" Arnautović under the same tag as Joey "I have a baton, gonna use it instead of passing it" Barton, this bloke of Stoke is a potent force up front. Capable of playing out wide or as the orthodox centre-forward, pace and physical presence are his greatest weapons. A bit like Colossus, but definitely faster. It will be interesting to see where he will start this season. Starting with us, ofc.

Like his mate Arnie, Bojan "will he become another Captain Kirk?" Krkić packs a lethal shot. Not so much in terms of force and distance, but surely in terms of accuracy. Imagine a two forward system boasting a cloak (e.g. Heskey) and dagger (e.g. Cottee) approach. Won't put it past Hughres doing that.

The most dangerous bloke of Stoke we'll have to face. Definitely, the danger doesn't have anything to do with whether his Puma comment is capable of making horny guys having wet dreams of Belinda "tak benci" Bencic or just about any hot Swiss Miss. The danger lies in the capability of doing unpredictable things with the ball at his feet, it's truly a shame not to see him at his finest in this year's Euro (either that or he's unable to do it consistently). The Swiss are currently hitting a momentum started by the great Ottmar "der Blitzkrieg" Hitzfeld, there's no sign that the footballing version of Fed(erer) Express will be slowing down anytime soon. Like Vietnam more than 20 years ago, the Swiss were more used to being called the Swiss cheese of football rather than the Swiss Miss of football. 20+ years later, we're seeing Swiss football as another form of Swiss Miss.

Credit of creativity goes to yours truly, but credit of inspiration goes to Le Professeur X

Things need to be done

There's no point trying to get Xherdan "the Swiss Shaq" Shaqiri once he gets the ball. Either he'll beat the entire backline or he'll end up like the correct Ramsey (read: definitely not Gordon or Alf to say the least). Either way, we lose. The only way to mark this bloke from Stoke is to... well, not mark him at all. You all may think I'm crazy, but why should Señor be so stupid to fight in a battlefield in which he can't win? Up front, Stoke has plenty of blokes good enough to bamboozle the whole of Tyneside. If we think we're better than the Geordies under Shearer's leadership, we might as well commit harakiri before stepping onto the pitch. Make no mistakes about it. There are plenty of flair blokes at Stoke when it comes to firepower and creativity in the final third.

However, there's possibly an Achilles heel which we can exploit. Namely the central midfield. We have to grow some balls here, my fellow Boro-thers-in-arms. Balls of steel instead of balls of... well, whatever. When it comes to the four by two, we must be stingier than Shylock. As William Shakespeare had famously written in the Merchant of Venice, "Hath not a Jew eyes?"

Secondly, our firing squad has to get the game going. To grab the game by its balls. No fear given once we open up a massive gap between the firing line and defensive line. That's the only way to pin back their source of ammo supply. Yes, it's a risky throw of the die. Yes, I know this is me being anti-typical S'porean even though I'm born with a pink IC. Yet, consider this reality:

The moment they break and counter, we'll be in danger. The moment we let them boss the game by parking our very own Teesside bus in front of goal, it means we're giving the Swiss Shaq the licence to kill us off. Something not unlike Shaquille "the real Shaq" O'Neal had always done in the NBA.

Quite obviously, the real danger lies not in just one person. Then again, you all should get my drift by now.

If my guess is spot on, Hughes will be deploying a passmaster nearer to the back 4. Traditionally a role made famous by the likes of Xavi, Paul "the apostle of Old Trafford" Scholes, and Andrea "Il Gigante"Pirlo, Hughes now have two such players at his disposal. Prior to that new addition named Allen, there's already a Charlie (yes, I know there's at least one girl named Allen. Let's not dismiss him as "a sissy Joe" since he had acquitted himself well in Frankish territory). With Joe "will he command the field like Joe Stalin?" Allen available, Hughes would have one eye on the future and another on the present. I'll be damned though if he chooses to start Allen ahead of Charlie "not Brown" Adam.

If I am to be Señor's field strategist, I'd most likely highlight Hughes' choice of central midfield as the integral key to our very first win, loss, or draw. Either way, we'll have a chance of nicking a point in the event we're able to limit the blokes from Stoke to passing the ball through the flank instead of anywhere spanning from the left to right.