In 86 we nearly died,
From Ayresome Park to the Riverside,
Europe twice and we won a cup,
One fine day we'll be up.
Manchester we did you twice,
Bredan Rodgers we nearly did you nice.
Gunners and Toffees will hear us roar,
Also from both Koreas to Singapore.

Friday 8 December 2017

Monk owes you all a big favour

Finally, I'm back. Not like the Terminator, quite obviously. A few days ago, I read an article on how rival team are exposing us (i.e. the Boro) like Harvey Weinstein. It's not a pretty sight (and I don't mean any Willy's willy). I don't know what else I should write beyond the remedy... ah, well, let's take one step at a time. Or rather, one word at a moment.

Okay, skip this part if you're a Boro fan...
Using Harvey Weinstein and Willy's willy may not be the best idea after all. I still remember Park Ju-won and all the feminists in Rice Media.

For the lack of a better to put it, every guy always got that 50 Shades of Gray Fullbuster inside.

Monk owes you all a big favour (and the whole of Teesside as well if all things go well)
It's official. Or is it? Either way, the nice blokes in the Gazette might have given me something to work with. For every remedy, there must be a diagnosis. Otherwise, either nothing will be done or someone is going to die as a result. I'm going straight for the kill here.

The Rudy awakening?
I never watched the match, neither did I track the game via live feed. However, it seemed that Rudy "GET IN THERE RUDY!!!!!" Gestede has given me a glimpse of what our Welsh Monk needs to do asap. If it's truly Monk's Plan B, then he needs to make it his Plan A asap.

Right now, the current 4-2-3-1 is giving us a massive risk of being exposed. The problem isn't down to the 4-2-3-1. While people are now calling for a 4-4-2, sticking to 4-2-3-1 can easily turn the tide. All that is needed is doing something about the lone ranger up front.

As it turned out, the current lone bloke is Britt "Hollywood got big Brad Pitt, but we got big bad Britt" Assombalonga. Don't get me wrong, I've got no issues with him. Yes, I did initially question the sanity behind the decision to sign him. After all, Patrick "BAM BAM BAM" Bamford was still there. And he still is despite going MIA like a leprechaun (or at least I hope so). Fast forward to now and he's proving to us what made him a force of nature at Nottingham Forest in the first place. With Gestede presenting a case of unintended consequences, Monk needs to make some changes.

Leaking goals is a concern. To blame the back 4 is like blaming the fall guy. We all know what the fall guy is there for. To take the fall for the rest and be crucified in the most undignified manner. In other words, it's no different from victim blaming and calling for a witch hunt. In the same way Mayim "hope she doesn't balik kampung over Steinergate" Bialik got burnt at the stake for what she said, it seems that the back 4 got crucified on the spot. Like how one needs to think about the culture Ms Bialik had pointed out, we need to take a cold hard look at the starting XI.

I've always had reservations about the hole 9 area ever since things went terribly wrong. Yes, Martin "the great black Dane" Braithwaite can be a black class act more oft than not in that position. The only problem? He's a striker like Zlatan "I send entire nations into retirement 4 teh lolz" Ibrahimović, not a midfielder like Lewis "not Hamilton" Baker. While I'm not going to argue with our Welsh Monk over why Baker wasn't allowed the role of baking bread for the strikers  (i.e. creating goals), it must be stated that a striker in hole 9 is never the best solution to create a midfield lock. The best lock is one which is nigh impossible to pick (yes, I know I'm using a politically incorrect statement. Grow up, will ya?). Sadly, we do not have such a lock. Yet, it's tactically possible to introduce such a lock. I'm not telling our Welsh Monk to pick a Lewis Hamilton despite possible reactions from the fans via such a report. Yes, I do favour him playing in hole 9 instead of Braithwaite in the name of stopping the haemorrhage (more on that later on). But still, it's Monk's call, not mine.

Yet, it must be stated that as a striker in hole 9, it's Braithwaite's job to get himself forward, link up play, and do a decent pass. Something which, for whatever reason, Adama "hope Karanka didn't sign a Djimi" Traoré failed to do on a dependable basis (and no, I'm sure race is not an issue because both players are equally black). Once he gets himself forward, the team would have a hole the size of... well, Braithwaite himself. It's dangerous. What if rival teams decide to break and counter? They don't have to try having a go at the backline. All they need is to boss the middle 3rd from one end of the width to the other. Then that's it. Game over. Football is like fighting a battle with the entire season regarded as the war. You don't win the war by winning a battle, for it's possible to win the battle but not the war. Bill Shankly was right in this sense when he famously said, "Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I don't like that attitude. I can assure them it is much more serious than that". If it's tactically game over for you, it's effectively game over for you. That's what the blokes at the Gazette are saying right now. Yes, even now.

Gestede's introduction turned out to be the kind tactical magic formula Monk desperately needs right now. It's not just his physical presence alone which cowed the city of Bristol. Unlike big bad Britt, Gestede is all about holding up play. This effectively created an offensive lynchpin, something which our Welsh Monk needs.

So should Braithwaite be dropped?
Let me get this clear: Gestede's injury was a bummer for us and a tactical bummer for Monk. While I can't be sure who gets the nod, it must be cautioned that Monk will most likely refuse to risk another injury. If a freak injury is possible, then any kind of injury is possible. Monk's greatest headache right now is whether to shift Braithwaite to the lone man up front. Because if his answer is yes, then there's a light at the end of the tunnel (and I don't mean the headlights). This is assuming he chooses not to start Gestede and Braithwaite. I have to say, though, that Gestede up front and Braithwaite in the hole 9 makes for a real horror show. Not for us, but for them.

At the same time, he needs to think about whether to persist with big bad Britt. If the answer is yes, then he needs to ask another question: Should I shift him to the attacking width? It's not every day that a striker can do an Arjen "Der Räuber" Robben. By that, I mean being a striker who can also play out wide. We have Bamford who, at times, might have been kidnapped by attractive Irish elven girls (I'm sure he knows what I'm talking about since he's Irish and I happen to know a bit of Irish mythology). Then we have big bad Britt. Don't laugh. I've seen Monk pulled off the unthinkable before. It's doable for big bad Britt because the proof of the pudding lies in eating it. And big naughty Britt was truly having a Christmas pudding feast out wide before he got recalled to the lone man up front.

Either way, we need to set a lock in the hole 9 position albeit how such a decision will pan out depends on who plays as the lone striker.

And now for the greatest remedy of the season...
If this remedy is to be that counter-measure of the season, please don't thank me. Firstly, I know our Welsh Monk's job is not to be a Welsh muppet. Monk from Wales, yes. Muppet from Wales, no (although I'm pretty sure every Leeder is now calling him Garry Muppet instead of Garry de Snake). Secondly, I'd rather you all thank the Gazette blokes. No, I'm not joking here.

Ipswich may well be our make-or-break moment. If what the Gazette blokes said is true, then we'll be facing the maestro of such tactics. Namely, Mick "Great Mick" McCarthy. If Monk will be out to play the ball from the deep, even better. Not for us, but for them. The art of parking the bus lies in letting the opposition have the ball. If we play the ball from the back, we die because they would have time to brace themselves for the imminent onslaught. If we play the ball from the midfield... okay, it's not that bad. But still, they would still prepare a bus for us. So no, that's not optimal.

To counter their counter-attack (not just Ipswich, mind you), we must make sure the hole 9 area is safe. We must not allow them to boss the middle 3rd via a break and counter. If they must go forth and boss the middle 3rd, our holding mids and three attacking mids must play it compact. If we can't prevent them from countering from the deep, we have to make sure a Gandalf must be done on them. Don't know what I'm talking about? Okay, nvr mind.

It depends on Monk on how he's going to organise the midfield triangle. The moment he does it right, I can guarantee him that it can last him for the rest of the season.

Now let me start talking about the opposition. Not Ipswich, but the opposition in general. The opponent's team sheet has never been more important for Monk. The reason why is very simple: Formations don't win you games, players do.

So what this means is very simple: Once Monk knows the formation, he should have a good idea on how high is the counter-offensive platform. For example, a 4-2-3-1 may indicate the counter-offensive fulcrum being placed at the hole 9 position. Of course, I'm merely giving a simple example. As I've said (and everybody knows), formations don't win you games, players do. However, the formation can give us a decent idea about the approach.

You got the formation, you need to know the players. Remember, formations don't win you games, players do. I can't stress this enough times here. Take a look at their wide players. Whether they're deploying orthodox wide men or wide forwards will decide how they will approach the counter-offensive. More specifically, a decent idea on how often the attacking wide player will cut in and from where. This will give the backline at least some semblance of preparation. It's that simple.

Traditionally, wingers have a lesser chance of cutting inside. This is mainly due to the presence of a wide forward, an approach now widely used even in English football. With a two winger approach, however, one player will be forced to play the cutter while the other playing the crosser. The name of the game is goals, hence the need to deploy a wide forward. Depending which side the wide forward is deployed, we should have a decent idea on which flank is the so-called danger flank. At the same time, the danger flank may also indicate the frequency of the fullback bombing forward. With an orthodox winger, the need for any fullback to overlap isn't that high. But with a wide forward, it's quite likely that the fullback on the same flank will overlap. This is to create space for the forward to cut in. At the same time, a fullback who can't cross the ball is definitely a worse fullback than Alberto "so will we see more of him in the future?" Moreno.

Either way, it's carrot soup for us this Saturday or getting thrown under the tractor fleet.

P.S: I need to end this post now. My brain just underwent a bout of noise therapy. While only a rich, beautiful, and intelligent radiographer can solve my woes, I'm not idiotic enough to push myself unless I'm decently sure my brain can still come up with something.

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