Follow the Leeder (i.e. My take on the nearest thing to a derby)

Okay, I know this post title is really provocative. It's like how Newcastle see Boro. Location wise, derby. Real derby wise, never ever will be good enough. Let me just get the good, bad and ugly out of the way first: If you think we the Boro can nick this one-nil or three, you're a moron. Period.

Derby matches (with or without Derby County) can be chaotic at times. Most of the time, in fact. The form book will be thrown out of the window and you can be very sure Glenn "the Karma" Hoddle would always wonder why karma enjoys cursing his beloved Spurs regardless of form, quality, and Arsène "Le Professeur X" Wenger. Therefore, I wasn't surprised that a dull grey Sunderland bereft of Simon "his football may be dull grey, but it sure is effective" Grayson got a one-nil defeat from us instead of getting stuffed 3-0 like a Thanksgiving turkey. If even the likes of a rudderless Sunderland could put up a fight worth every derby penny, imagine what Leeds can do. I'm not about to predict things. I suck at this kind of thing, to be honest. And besides, I'm sure Thomas "the great Dane of the Mediterranean" Christiansen knows more about my beloved Boro than what I (professed to) know about his Leeds.

Before I start talking about the Leeder...
(Skip this b/c I'm gonna talk some crap about Karanka of Basque)

Let's talk about something weird. Just yesterday, I got a shock from Japan. I suspect it might be my friend Randy and/or his wife Lydia since the source read like "from your FB profile". The problem is, I don't remember either or both being football fans.

Hopefully, no one will tell me it's actually Aragaki "unrelated to Gaki no Tsukai" Yui.
I will kill whoever the 野郎 telling me that unless undeniable evidence is given.

However, this part is never about Japan, Randy/Lydia, or Yui. Rather, it's about Aitor "El AK-47" Karanka.

On a major hindsight, there's no way Karanka would say "yes" to Ellis "not Tall" Short. In fact, it seems that Chris "not Martin" Coleman has agreed to take the job. On one hand, there's this obvious fact that Señor AK-47 is never one about money. I know this sounds snobbish, but he did snub the material comfort offered by London (and Steve "not to be confused with other Steves" Parish). Then the next thing we knew, he's at the northeast where the steel is as cold as winter while passion is as hot as summer. Simply put, there's no difference between snubbing the Mackems and the Crystals. So no, any move to the opposite end of the northeast won't make any sense from Karanka's lofty standard.

At the same time, there's a reason why I gave him the AK-47 nickname here. Like someone armed with an actual AK-47 rifle, Señor Karanka is never one to crack a joke in public. He's basically Sir A. Fergie minus the cynical wit and Scottish blood. Definitely, he's no J-Mou because... well, I'm sure he never called Catalonia a pito nation hell-bent on independence.

The tweet is... for the lack of a better way to put it, anti-Karanka. It's like expecting Diego "El Lobo" Simeone to behave like a gentleman. It's not gonna happen. Period. Ultimately, the greater question is a big fat WHY. Karanka isn't someone born to troll. Yes, he can be more than a wee bit abrasive as a disciplinarian (something which was a gorilla on his back until the day he got the sack). But still, being a hardcore disciplinarian means there's no reason for him to pull off what I'd call an attempt at humour (whether Bob "not the Hydra Bob" Mortimer would approve of it is another question altogether). I'm very very VERY SURE that he's like Cable, not Deadpool.

So where will he go from King's Cross Station? Will he take a trip to Hogwarts? Will he take a trip to Heathrow Airport? If so, will he try hunting me down at the SGH? Nah, doubt so. In case the #IMPOSSIBRU happens, someone please tell him to refer to Mr and Mrs Sim of the DDR. After all, I doubt the CT-MRI folks would notice this lobo here walking past the glass door more oft than not. The safest way, however, is going straight to Blk 8 and look for my boss Kingpin Wilson Fisk.

And now, it's back to the Leeder

Unless I have more space to write more crap, this post will be all about the Yorkshire derby. I still remember walking along a pavement at Jalan Membina years ago. That area is where I live btw. There's this bloke, I assumed he's English. Why I assumed he's English is very simple: He was wearing a Leeds jersey in an era where George "the black St George of York" Weah was already part of history together with David "not O'Hara" O'Leary and Peter "so did he get rid of the taxman?" Ridsdale. I think that was 2-3 years ago.

How times have changed. Fast forward to now and we're gonna have a Leeds-Boro Yorkshire fight! While I won't call this the closest thing to an Old Firm brawl (I do think Singaporean football is now like Scottish football, though), I won't be surprised if the atmosphere will be outright electric. The Leeds faithful have never forgiven our Welsh Monk since he decided not to continue as their beloved Leeder. The wrath was evident, the anger has never abated even once.

This is how the Welsh Monk is currently perceived at Elland Rd in a nutshell.

Quite obviously, the players have a thing or two to prove. The Boro lads will have a thing or two to prove to their Welsh Monk, the same goes for the Leeds lads as well. In fact, I won't be surprised if BFF Pep will be switching on his TV just for this particular 90 mins (note that BFF Pep refers to Clotet, not Guardiola).

Strategy, tactics, and dissecting it like a boss

To understand how the great Dane of the Mediterranean will (possibly) play his cards, one needs to know our Welsh Monk's current weakness. Assuming we'll be seeing a 4-2-3-1 (for some funny reason, the English are now hooked on something made famous by the Germans and I don't mean the Oktoberfest girls), the chink in our armour lies in the two holding mids. While I'm still waiting to see any semblance of stability in that position, let's assume the starting two will be Grant the Leadbiter and Jonny the Howitzer. One is a Mackem, the other an ex-Leeder. One is a combative son of a gun, the other is more of a hold-and-pass. In any given 4-2-3-1, the second number is the most important part of the formation. Without a stable partnership in the holding mid area, the back 4 would be brutally exposed. Mark my words, the great Dane of the Mediterranean will be aiming at Grant and Jonny. Like a sniper, he will tell his lads to press us down the centre. The moment they score on this front, we're in trouble. They don't have to draw first blood on an asap basis. In fact, I won't be surprised if an early goal won't pop up. All the grand Leeder needs to do is to make sure nothing will come out from the turrets apart from fouls and more fouls.

So how can this be done, you might ask. The verdict on our current 4-2-3-1 is still open to the judge and jury. Just because it's fairly effective against a rudderless Sunderland doesn't mean it will be effective against a Leeds team with its rudder still intact. At the same time, only 3 pts separate us from the Leeders. What it means is this: A goal difference of -2 coming from them won't matter much if they managed to pull a derby win over us. Championship football is not for the faint-hearted. If the Premier League has the glitz of Hollywood (minus Steingate and other related scandals in the business ofc), then the Championship has the cutthroat nature of Korean showbiz. One slip-up for us can easily mean the start of a momentum for them. Given the acrimonious manner of the Welsh Monk's departure (apparently, different stories are being told from different perspectives), slipping up means gifting the chasing pack the license to rev up and go. It won't just be Leeds alone, trust me. If we win, however, it means we can secure 5th spot. At least temporarily. Throw in the fact that we have to face Derby (not to be confused with derby matches) and Birmingham before that, we're actually under more pressure than the opposition. The great Dane of the Mediterranean knows it. And he will exploit it. He's no idiot, he knows where our jugular is. If I can see this coming, it means the same for him. They will want to start a fight in the middle third minus the red. They will want to disrupt the middle triangle of our 4-2-3-1. And trust me, it's very easy for them.

Why it's so easy for them and not for us?

Yes, yes, I know who we have up front. We have Martin "the great black Dane" Braithwaite currently on fire. Who would have imagined him playing a wee bit like that guy who famously sent the whole nation of Denmark into retirement? While he has yet to play on the right, he's starting to prove himself as a creative centre-forward in the hole 9. In front of him is Britt "Hollywood got a big Brad Pitt and we got a big bad Britt" Assombalonga. Right now, I won't be surprised if the dressing room is full of Michael Jackson's You Know I'm Bad being played at half time and full time. The problem is this: It's all useless if they manage to cut in from the width while bossing play at the other end of the width. Something they will definitely do.

I've seen their starting lineup against Derby (again, not to be confused with derby matches). The reason why I didn't choose to refer to their last game is very simple: It's an away game. It doesn't matter whether it's Brentford or Bradford. The difference between away games and home games tend to be the strategic approach. While it's not a hard-and-fast logic, I find using Derby as a reference to be a better gauge. Home game? Check. A potential rival for promotion? You got it right.

Two players stand out for me. Samuel "not to be confused with Samus Aran" Sáiz Alonso and Kemar "he will never hoof it to the roof" Roofe. Two players, one similar mould. I'm talking about the fact that they can play anywhere in the firing line. Winger? Yep. Forward? You got it. Attacking mid? Double confirm plus triple affirm. To me, they are the ones holding the key to whether their boss will be Hrothgar or Beowulf (ofc it goes without saying that the Welsh Monk will be welcomed like Unferth instead of Beowulf). One in hole 9, the other out wide. So long there's a way for them to hold down the ball, it's three men against two. Let's do the maths here (based on the Derby match).

Us: Grant the Leadbiter and Jonny the Howitzer

Them: The male Samus Aran, the badass from Kedar, and a 6 ft+ Hamburglar.

In the game of football where 90 mins of action (minus the whistle and stoppage time) is also known as the Ninety Minutes War (not to be confused with the Hundred Years War where Edward of Woodstock made his name as a military legend). Simply put, the players are the soldiers. Three versus two on a flat terrain, we will be brutally murdered. No questions asked, only hanged, drawn, and quartered. If we cannot establish a stranglehold via a central triangle, we're... well, hanged, drawn, and quartered. Our man in the hole 9 needs to up his game. Those playing in the holding mid must up their game.

Special spotlight: Getting it right at the back via the rightback

Miley Cyrus "neither Malcolm nor a Persian" Christie is officially banned from this match. It's like imagine Miley "not a citrus" Cyrus Christie getting a MTV Awards ban over whatever WTH moment she pulled off. I'm not sure if the latter case did happen (or even whether Adam "not a Christopher" Lambert got banned over... well, I'm not gonna say it), our Christie did get the ban. The equation is very simple: It doesn't matter which Cyrus you are. 5 WTH moments and the banhammer comes (1-2 such moments if you're actually crazy enough).

Therefore, it's going to be a toss-up between Fábio and the Shotgun. The former has undergone quite a few criticism over his inconsistency. While it'd be unfair to call him the defensive version of Adama "hopefully not a Djimi" Traoré, getting exposed like Harvey Weinstein is not a joke. In this sense, he's lucky the boss is now a Welsh (Monk) instead of the previous one from Basque. Otherwise, Karanka would have him busking in the streets of Basque. Against Leeds, the Welsh Monk is in for a fix. Should it be a Brazillian gunning forward or a Shotgun holding down the ammo? This is not just a decision to decide who gets to start. More importantly, this is a strategic decision where the Welsh Monk may live or die as a result.

Tbh, I tried flipping the tactical board around. Not physically, but in my head. It's not good news. I'm referring to the fact that Roofe will be having a go at bringing the roof down on us.

P.S: Before I end this post, I need to inform our Welsh Monk on two things: Their four by two and the likelihood that the great Dane of the Mediterranean will employ a ball anchor out wide. By my own guess, that's where Leeds will try to hold it down and play it forward.