Today, I'm going to try something ambitious. Namely upping two posts in one go. Not in the same blog, mind you. But yeah, still two posts. Whether it will be a success or failure... well, let's wait till the stroke of midnight where either the royal carriage shall remain the same or revert back to a pumpkin state.
Bad Blood?
If there's any equivalent to Taylor "gone (swiftly) in 60 secs" Swift's Bad Blood, would it be us and Burnley? A lot has been said about some kind of fan rivalry which doesn't make any sense at all. We're no Liverpool, neither is Burnley Man Utd. We're no Real Madrid, Turf Moor is never part of Catalonia. No matter how we see it, some things never made any sense. That's until Sean "hopefully not a douche" Dyche mentioned something about us spending money like some Hollywood celeb when it comes to the transfer market. That was after Burnley got relegated first time round, but not before they received a massive "kaching!" (read: parachute payment).
I don't like speculating about other people's spending habits. In fact, do you think I should speculate about Dyche's spending habits if I don't even give a damn about how my super mignonne legal housebreaker spends daily in Orchard Road?
What I'm trying to say is this: I'm not part of the people on the ground (read: both the locals from Riverside and at the Turf Moor), therefore I can easily keep calm and carry on.
If you happen to be English, just keep calm. Period.
Never the Barca of northeast, played like Beirut of the northeast
When I mentioned Beirut, it has got nothing to do with Lebanon, the Hezbollah, and Mid-East politics in general. Someone in the North East Football Banter page in FB (forgot who since it's been a long time ago) boasted that Sunderland is the Barca of the northeast. Another fellow (also forgot who) replied by saying something like "yeah, the beirut of northeast".
Swansea was our best win so far in the season, but it's also one of our worse performances so far (if not, the worst so far).
"...we have played better in other games and left with nothing." If we think we can get away from Turf Moor with anything worthwhile via this type of performance, it means the only thing we'll be getting is another 3-0. Not 3-0 against Swansea, but 3-0 ver.Liverpool.
Burnley is a team of fighters. Whether we like it or not, Dyche is one of the two most exceptional man managers in the top flight (the other being Eddie "the Once and Future Knight" Howe). Dyche is not a moron, he knows the only way is up. Not just climbing up the table, but also pressing up the field as well.
Thanks to the Jews...
...I may have discovered something interesting. While both matches were away fixtures, I decided to have a peek at Tottenham's team selection and that of West Ham as well. Against the Burnley, Mauricio "poached by Jewtown" Pochettino played his classic 4-2-3-1. Against the same opponent, Slaven "I trolled the Brits like Diego '#footballtrollinggod' Simeone" Bilić played a pre-25th Dec Christmas tree (read: 3-4-2-1). 4-2-3-1 is a different deal to 3-4-2-1. As different as night and day to be exact.
There's a hidden clue when it comes to being similar. We have Victor "Kuroyama-san says ohayo" Wanyama, we also have Harry "neither a Kane nor a Lee" Winks. The former is used as the Mountain that Stands instead of some mountain that rides. The latter is a midfielder deployed out wide. I doubt Winks is an orthodox winger, but it doesn't mean he can't play out wide. Gastón "El Bestia Bello" Ramírez is capable of operating out wide, but to call him a winger by trade is like telling me Heather Chua is a Brown University graduate in reality.
On the other side of London, I can't find anything worth the Boro cause apart from a 6 man midfield. In other words, 'tis another four by two.
What this possibly means is this: In the same way it's tactically possible to hold fort via a 6 man midfield, likewise it's also tactically possible to do the same with Harry and Christian at the flanks (wait... Harry and Christian? Sounds a bit like a rival company to Ernst and Young).
There has to be a ball anchor somewhere. Given that Dyche is one hell of a son of a gun when it comes to man motivation, I won't be surprised if the ball anchor happens to be someone like Sam "the Vokeswagon" Vokes, Ashley "he's built like a barn" Barnes, or even Jóhann the Iceberg. How high the ball will be anchored may possibly mean how deep we have to defend. How low the ball will be anchored means how much the attacking players will have to run. Their turf may be English territory, but trust me when I say the Anglo-Saxons there will be going war-crazy like a bunch of battle hardened Moors.
It wasn't pretty. In fact, it was absolutely messy. I'm not referring to seeing your girlfriend without her makeup on (albeit I recalled seeing my super mignone legal housebreaker sans makeup like 4 yrs ago. She didn't look messy to me). I'm referring to our 3-0 stuffing at the hands of Liverpool. Consensus amongst the fans is very simple: The lions had a chance while 1-0 down by half time, the Liverbirds ended up stuffing a pride of lions by full time.
It's pointless to wind back the clock right now. If we as human beings could do so, quite obviously I'd never do that one stupid decision 3 years ago concerning my super mignone legal housebreaker and Facebook. Period.
A story of two birds
Firstly, I need to point out that bird in British slang means girl. If I call my super mignone legal housebreaker "my bird", it means she's my girl. Which means she's my girlfriend. Why I have the urge to say this... well, I'm just showing off my half-baked command of British English. Period.
Why is the story of two birds, the reason is very simple. In the previous 90 mins, we're up against the finest birds in the top flight. Namely, the Liverbirds. In our next 90 minutes in less than 2 hrs later, we have to face the Welsh birds. Namely, Swansea.
Two kinds of birds
Nicknamed the Swans, it's obvious that Swansea belongs to the Welsh species. However, there's actually a bit of American in this current batch of Swans. Namely, Bob "not to be confused with another Yankee Bob" Bradley.
Recently (okay, not so recently), Comey and Feds managed(?) to bust one of, if not the greatest, Hollywood scandal ever. No, it's not that gender pay gap thing. Yes, it's bad. But at least Apple never endorses gender pay gap (hopefully not anyway). The worst Hollywood scandal happened to be the one which traumatised plenty of Hollywood birds (if I recall correctly, the body count is around 101). Professional journalists call it Celebgate, online journalists have a... well, unsavoury version of this name. Let's just call it a F-word. Why I'm highlighting two kinds of birds is very simple. Hollywood represents America in a certain way, football represents America in another way. As for soccer, Mr Bradley used to coach the U.S national soccer team. If you think I'm talking nonsense, you better be mentally prepared to eat a broomstick. The likes of Tim "he could have saved America!" Howard and Landon "I like his last name" Donovan can be my witnesses. In fact, the likes of Hope 'unrelated to Harrison Ford" Solo and Alex "not Piers" Morgan can also be my witnesses. I do not claim to be famous, I only claim to speak the facts.
You have only 45 mins!!!!!!
Imagine Cable telling Deadpool to hurry up before Professor X and Magneto fused to become Onslaught once again. To make things worse, the reason behind Cable's ire is actually down to Deadpool still watching porn through his laptop. To put it in a nutshell, I really need to hurry up. 40 mins or so from kick off.
Firstly, George "BFF is back" Friend's timely return has given Señor a much welcomed headache. As our default LB, our BFF has endured a horrid beginning. It's like me committing that dumbest mistake 3 yrs ago. Like yours truly, our BFF is now facing better times just like how I realised my super mignone legal housebreaker has been holding a torch for me in the last 3 yrs (and still counting). His injury couldn't come at a worse timing. Then again, Fabio was facing one of, if not the most, in-form wingback named Victor "he parts the opposition defence like the Red Sea" Moses. Simply put, our BFF was spared the ignominy of being Lonesome George.
Assuming Fabio stays and our BFF needs to affirm his mettle, what should be Señor's decision? I'll get to that come the end.
Gylfi "not Odinson, but quite close" Sigurðsson is the real dangerman. As a midfielder capable of playing either at the wing or centre park, he's somewhat like the kind of player Bastian "hopefully still Der Bastion" Schweinsteiger should have been. Tactically smart with a deadly foot to boot. The similarities cannot be any more shocking. Both started off as a wide player. Both are capable of playing in the centre park. Both are basically the default set-piece dealer in their respective teams. The only key difference lies in Der Bastion being more of a Teutonic knight while Sigurðsson as a player is more about guile. Sounds familiar?
Mark my words, Sigurðsson will be Mr Bradley's Hollywood man.
Return of the Beast
Will we see the return of the Beast? We really missed Gastón "El Bestia Bello" Ramírez. Against the saintly south, we missed him. Against the smoking birds from Merseyside, we definitely missed him. If Señor needs to find a magic formula quick and fast to fix our 50-50 patch, he doesn't have to worry. Because he has already stumbled upon one. Against Hull, I saw something which made my eyes lit up. On one end of the width, we have a Danish kingfisher named Viktor "yet to be King Fischer" Fischer. On the other end of the width, we have our laughing jackass from Latin America. I don't have to tell you he shares the same name as a Disney jackass (any act of promoting Emma "the Duchess of Megawatts" Watson here should be seen as an accident).
This is our best starting firing squad (i.e. including Álvaro "solo para siempre?" Negredo because we need a 3rd bloke), mark my words. As for the correct Traoré, let me just quote Echizen Ryoma by saying "mada mada dane."
My advice to Señor? Look out for where Sigurðsson will be deployed. If he's playing the width, it means a straight 3 ball control approach. If he's playing at hole 9, it means the wide players will be given the license to roam and kill. If he's at the holding mid, it means Mr Bradley will be going for broke (at least most likely). If it's false 9, we'll be in for a tough fight because the attacking 3 behind him will be given the license to roam and kill. Mr Bradley will most likely play this compact, but he won't park the bus. 1 pt is not enough for either side, only 3 pts will do. The factors are stacked against them due to potential jetlag (an irony given both Southampton and Swansea belong to the south). Yet, the ball is also round. I'm forced to be optimistic for a reason: We can win it, we also have to win it. Forget about predictions, any win will do. Assuming a 3-0 stuffing of the Welsh turkey is like making up a story just to make me eat a broomstick. Period. Let the final whistle do the job, not us.
Okay, so we lost it. We lost it in the 2nd half because we may have easily won it in the 1st half. Credit to the opposition, the brigade of Saint George led by Monsieur Rouge et Blanc deserved to boss us in the last 45 mins due to our inability to score like the S'pore national team. The personal irony wasn't lost me after full time. It's basically the same thing as the Watford match. Against Watford, I tweeted that José "the human Bas Kilang" Holebas was to be Walter "Il Maserati" Mazzarri's tactical Maserati. Turned out he scored a wonder goal to sink us all. Against Southampton, I tweeted caution against Sofiane "tak Sufian" Boufal once Monsieur Rouge et Blanc decided to sub in Nathan "the black Robben" Redmond. Turned out the Rouge et Blanc ver of Franck "Le Cicatrice" Ribéry staged an act of robbery so bloody damn epic, even the late Bonnie and Clyde would have been impressed.
A hungry man=/=an angry man
If you're a hungry man, it's not necessarily that you're an angry man. People fast for a reason just like how people abuse their 2nd Amendment rights for a reason (and no, I'm not referring to President Rodrigo "not Duturtle" Duterte. Likewise, we can't assume every angry Boro fan is a hungry Boro fan (read: there's still the parmo).
I didn't understand why Señor chose to keep his cards late before deciding whether to play a Jack, King, Ace, or the Joker. Now please allow me to be his defence attorney free of charge when it comes to the starting lineup.
When we saw Jordan "not of the River Jordan" Rhodes starting, we might have gone somewhat like "huh?!?" in the same way we saw Dany's nude shot on TV. More specifically, it's eyes nearly popping out instead of whether 'tis a good thing or not.
"He can't make the cut as the lone striker!!!!"
"Stuani out on the right again????!!!!????"
Basically complaints like these two. Yes, I never doubted Rhodes ability to score in the same way I'm waiting to be proven wrong when it comes to his lack of ability to lead the line as the Lone Ranger (read: We really need a Batman instead of Robin). However, I also need to ask this damning question: When was the last time he actually played?
My estimation is "not since America became great by shocking the world, bringing down the Asian stock market, and confounding the so-called experts all at the same time" (however, it must also be stated that this proved the global media doesn't understand American society even half as well the big kahunas have claimed to be).
In other words, we're starting with a striker who is anything but match fit. His goal poaching skills made him a fan favourite to start in every game, the irony was that Señor actually did just that. So we can't really complain beyond the adamant view of a two striker system (something which Señor would never do due to having 1 less midfielder to hold fort). To hammer home the fact that I'm not telling nonsense, the lad took a knock prior to the game (or something like that).
Then we have Cristhian "he's no Arnie on the right" Stuani. Unlike the previous matches before we signed the right Traoré, I could see an actual tactical sense in this lineup. With Adam "not Clayton" Forshaw starting to prove himself as the upstart of upfield passing (basically, that's how Álvaro "solo para siempre?" Negredo scored the 2nd of his English [northeast] career), it means more leeway for Stuani to emulate Arnie in the box. If such a strategy wasn't workable, we most likely wouldn't have gotten a sniff in the first half. As it turned out, Señor was correct and the moaners were wrong.
Problem started in the 2nd half. We ran out of steam (very likely that jetlag overtook us after we overexerted ourselves in the 1st half). Period. The introduction of the black Robben merely served to exacerbate the situation. Period.
However, it must also be stated that an effective strategy shouldn't be used as an excuse not to throw a sub or two. Imagine what may happen if the correct Traoré or Emilio "he's no Gary Stue" Nsue took to the field. The former would have provided us with an effective outlet to pin back their wide players while the latter could easily offer us a safer break-and-counter approach (interestingly enough, it seems that a lack of match fitness may have cost more than just one Nsue).
To be, or not to be
That is the question. I may be quoting Shakespeare, but I'm not referring anyone to Prince Hamlet. I'm referring to Señor's tactical insistence to keep the subs on the bench like how Gandalf had said something about the wizard never too early or too late.
Yet, it must be stated that it makes far more sense to be stubborn when it comes to philosophy compared to tactical switches. At the same time, we're no Man City or Arsenal in the same way Señor is no El Genio or Le Professeur. We're nearing the wrong end of the table, we don't have that kind of money even one tenth as obscene compared to the Japanese AV (read: porn) industry.
Because I know I may have accidentally traumatised just about anybody who reads this blog (albeit you all should know by now whatever I've written is only for the intelligent and/or mature), I decided to use this video above as distraction of sorts. After all, this version of Wang Yi is actually less sexually arousing than the previous versions. And yes, she's actually a historical symbol of feminism way before the rise of feminism as we know it.
Also, Cao Cao in his youth was dismissed as a lobo in the same way I was being seen as one in my schooling days. However, I don't see myself as a crafty hero in turbulent times (gotta admit both of us have a weakness for girls since the start of puberty). As for Sun Ce, I actually have his daring son-of-a-gun modus operandi minus someone like Da Qiao as my stabilising factor (then again, change is the only constant in life as we know it). As for Zhuge Liang...
The Longzhong thesis
If I am to be Zhuge Liang, then Señor is definitely Liu Bei. If I am the Sleeping Dragon, then Singapore is my Longzhong.
Above statement is only meant as a pompous statement of shameless self-promotion (yes, I know this is even worse than Xiaxue's modus operandi). Zhuge Liang compared himself with Guan Zhong (an exceptional politician serving Duke Huan of the state of Qi during the Warring States era) and Yue Yi (and exceptional general in the same period serving the state of Yan). I'm not that daring, let alone crazy. However, I do have his analytical skill.
Those who are knowledgeable enough to differentiate a fictional novel from non-fiction history will understand that Zhuge Liang wasn't the god of strategy many others are still talking about. His northern campaign against Wei was an abject failure (albeit the debacle at Jieting was the reason why everything went terribly pear-shaped and downhill). Yet, one should never discount the fact that he was actually the chief commander behind a successful campaign against the tribes of Nanzhong who were out to declare independence via violent means (in fact, they've been doing it ever since Liu Bei seized control of the Yi province from Liu Zhang).
One exceptional contribution was when Liu Bei humbled himself by visiting Zhuge Liang despite the need not to do so. It's like Señor coming to Singapore just to look for me once the season is over. It was there which the Sleeping Dragon presented his Longzhong thesis.
The Longzhong thesis revolved around two provinces, namely the provinces of Jing and Yi. The former was under the jurisdiction of Liu Biao, someone who was quite frankly useless. The latter was bossed by someone no better. Namely, Liu Zhang.
The Yi province was that of a basin terrain. Basically, it means being surrounded by mountains. Sounds familiar? That's where Señor did right.
As for the Jing province, it's all about the offensive either towards the right or up north. Sounds familiar? that's where we're currently having a problem.
When it comes to the left, we have players like Stewart "will he be downed by his ex?" Downing, Viktor "yet to be King" Fischer, and Gastón "El Bestia Bello" Ramírez. Players who can hold down the ball and pass/cross it like a Teesside made howitzer. Linking up with whoever the bloke at hole 9, it means the two holding mids will have plenty of leeway to make decisions (read: whether to move up, fall back, or go sideways like a sidewinder snake high on drugs). When it comes to the right, we're still lacking our cutting edge. We'll most likely need Nsue up to shape (not to mention crossing accuracy as well) if we need to have something going for us (not to mention Señor's philosophy as well). Perhaps assuming the correct Traoré to the solution is like assuming the Celebgate hackers are, in fact, representing Anonymous (read: from 4chan).
So what about the correct Traoré? His pace, mobility, and a buff bod newly worked would have caused the Saints problems aplenty. However, he also needs to know that a lack of tracking back could have easily killed us. They have Jay "not Mr Chou" Rodriguez and Boufal out wide. Who did we have? Or more specifically, who did we have out right? Stuani may be a willing player, but he's never fast enough to cover ground.
As for Fischer, his willingness to get forward was encouraging. Yes, he missed quite a sitter. But hey, he got himself around the most Jewish backline in the English top flight! We did give ourselves a horrible time in taking corners/set pieces though. Bummer that.
Gastón, pls come back... ToT
We missed Gastón in the same way Belle would always miss her beastly prince. Yes, 'tis nice to see Fischer picking out the pass in the final 3rd like a laughing jackass (fellow S'poreans graduated from Aussie schools like University of Newcastle and the CSU would understand what a laughing jackass looks like. And no, it's not me). However, it still remains that our default laughing jackass is El Bestia Bello himself. And he's still crocked and unavailable.
Interestingly, Señor mentioned a stunning revelation here. Lies, damned lies, and statistics... we'd like to react like that, but we're no Mark Twain. Hell, who are we to think we're more educated/intelligent than the man himself? Might as well try making something out of nothing.
Firstly, there's a difference between Stuani out right atm and Stuani on the right last time round. That difference is Downing. Or rather his lack of pace. Fischer may not be the fastest bloke out on the left (more likely that accolade goes to the correct Gastón), but at least he's a better option in getting forward. Against Liverpool, however, we'll need to up the fight. Fischer needs to pick out space like a kingfisher, but he also needs to fight like Gastón the beast. The former is arguably easier than doing so against the Saints, 'tis the latter which has me worried. Under Jürgen "#TeamRoboKlopp" Klopp, the Liverbird is soaring like a phoenix reborn from the fire and ashes. Yes, they got injuries. We still have to contend with an absent Negredo, half fit Rhodes, and an injured beast of a Gastón for crying out loud! Yes, Loris "he's no French" Karius may be looking like a French Lloris made in China. So what? Football is full of uncertainties, only a moron will say we're playing against 11 Kariuses instead of just 1 Karius between the sticks. Who knows, maybe Karius will be fired up because of this.
The critics are no idiots, neither are they the kind of people who have gotten the wrong karma (something which got Glenn "still the smartest bloke in the room unless dethroned by Southgate" Hoddle into trouble in the first place). They're no fools. They know who the pride of Merseyside is going up against. Not only are they going up against a team renowned for steel on the pitch, the entire Teesside has always been used to that backs-against-the-wall situation. Coupled with the fact that they're going up against El Estratega Genio himself, it means nothing should be taken for granted (disclaimer: I don't profess to be that person unless the correct Gibbo decides to endorse me like a social media influencer endorsing a product).
This may easily be Calum "the 16 million GBP man" Chambers' toughest fight yet. After all, it wasn't a coincidence that Liverpool scored 3 (or was it 4?) past Les Goners with this lad starting as Le Goner centreback. Against Spurs, he was overawed by the white hot lads from White Hart Lane. Against Leicester, he was given the wrong karma. Against the duo of Sadio "confirm dio one!" Mané and Divock "badder than the #OriginalGuy" Origi, what are his chances of withstanding a fast and furious tag-team? Seeing him and Ben "Le Prince" Gibson going up against them is like imagining the Hardy Boyz doing a TLC match against the Two Man Power Trip. Too damn risky, but still no choice.
Which comes to this guy.
How much was Firmino's price? They say every player has his price, I say every man has his pride. When Raheem "show me the real Sterling!" Sterling decided to sign his own Brexit, Brendan "I'll sign Barton for 30 million quids" Rodgers have already signed a potential replacement for like... 29 million quids? No matter what, Firmino's versatility mirrors that of Sterling. So long he stays firing fit, the Kops will be firing on all cylinders. Ultimately, Philippe "O Santo" Coutinho's absence merely gave #RoboKlopp another option. Period. From false 9 to orthodox 9, from Brazil to Germany.
My advice to Señor? Assuming #TeamRoboKlopp won't tweak the midfield approach, it means we'll be dealing with a dynamic middle 3rd mirroring that of the Rodgers dynasty. The previous era may have undergone plenty of ridicule over a season at its final throes of death, but RoboKlopp has done exceptionally well to retain what isn't broken while fixing what's broken. What was broken lies in the lack of goals and motivation. What remains the same is the dynamic style of the midfield. Ironically, the middle 3 is now looking like Swansea's middle 3 during Rodgers' dynasty. Many pundits predict Karius being targetted like a sitting duck during open season. Well, guess what? You think Klopp is stupid? Better luck if you want to see him eat a broomstick. If possible at all, he won't give us a chance to breach the backline. His approach is most likely very simple. Keep the ball at the back and pass it to the front. Or whoever deployed behind the 3 firing Kops. Unlike us, Liverpool didn't have to make a long journey down south. Only an idiot will believe travelling from north to south in England is like my super mignone legal housebreaker travelling from Punggol West to Jalan Membina. This is England, not Singapore (albeit both are island nations). If we play this deep, Traoré better start playing like his correct self lest he becomes the next Djimi.
The riskier approach, however, may easily be the better approach. It's like Guo Jia telling Cao Cao to attack the Wuhuan tribe when Yuan Tan and Yuan Xi decided to bail out north. Many of his vassals played the cautious game as there's no point trying to run the cavalry ragged from south to north. Guo Jia's logic was that it's winnable. While Klopp won't commit the dumb mistake of sitting back and do nothing, surely we'd be inviting a triple threat if we're to sit back instead. It's like Guo Jia telling Cao Cao to attack no matter what, for the newly acquired north would experience upheaval should the Wuhuan-Yuan coalition start riding south. Yes, we should have a try in parking the bus high up. In Rodgers speak, it's called playing high block. In fact, it's a more pragmatic approach since seeing the correct Traoré is strictly still a 50-50 call.
We have to force back their wide players, we have to force them to track back. No one is telling us to play the wide areas fast and furious, but can we try playing it smart? My advice, your call. That's my message to Señor. Oh, and one more thing. We can just go playing this match with nary a sliver of pressure. Home match? Home support? Who cares so long we reciprocate the fans' passion while trying to right some wrongs from our last 90 mins?
Imagine the unthinkable, imagine Chambers pushing his tormentor into the footballing gas chamber.
Bummer we lost the one and only Ali Brownlee. His comments would have been super epic.
It all started with the letter S. From the fake name of my super mignone legal housebreaker to her actual name, from one version of 31st Oct to another version... it all started with the letter S. If this sounds nonsensical, be very sure it is.
A belated All Saints' Samhain?
When we talk about Halloween, first picture coming to mind may easily be a beautiful girl dressing up as a female vampire in pink (cannot say pontianak because I suspect I may easily become the no.1 public enemy of the CT-MRI dept of the DDR. Don't ask me why). When we talk about All Saints' Day and Samhain, it's actually the same logic.
31st October is already over (together with my birthday, which is one day after), but today/night is our showdown with that All Saints' team down south.
Above song is being upped for fun. That plus my own way to let my super mignone legal housebreaker know I've got a unique taste in music.
Note: 31st Oct is also known as the All Saints' Irony. Originally known as a Roman Catholic holiday, it took one Martin Luther to start a 95 Theses revolution which gave birth to the Protestant movement. And yes, Protestant is NOT a denomination unless you happened to fail your religion's history. Don't blame the likes of Martin Luther, John Calvin, and John Knox for the irony. Blame the Irish because they invented 31st Oct before Saint Constantine declared Christianity as legal and officially national.
Add note: I thought John Calvin was Dutch. Turned out he's French. Pretty sure my super mignone legal housebreaker would have known this by now, but don't ask me why.
We're from the north, they're from the south
When we talk about north and south, two things come to mind. The first is the conflict between progressives and the conservatives. The second is the American Civil War where Honest Abe became Tony Stark and Chief Jeff became Steve Rogers.
In the UK, the conflict between conservatives and liberals is very real.
Come to think of it, it's very real no matter where you are...
Hopefully, my angmoh sense of humour is able to impress my super mignone legal housebreaker...
Also, you raised the wrong hand lah, Mr Low. Should be left lah, not right.
As for any semblance of civil war within the British Isles, it has to be the IRA and the fact that no American should be trusted to do something like this.
Funnily enough, the political balance in England tends to go like this: If you're from the south, chances are that you're a conservative Tory Troy; if you're from the north, you're most likely a leftist and pro-Brexit (not to mention pro-UKIP as well).
This is gonna be another north-south showdown with 6 points at stake (read: a six-pointer no matter how we look at it). So what should we expect?
Making steel, made of steel, men of steel
I remembered being ridiculed as that "man of steel" by some Jeffrey bloke during my ITE days. Granted he's no Malicious Jeff, but his brain worked like your typical ah-beng. Full of chiobu and pr0n. Because I din;t understand the implication of his antics, I was officially labeled as the Man of Steel even though my nature was shaping nicely to be that Knight of Gotham.
You know life has dealt you a harsh hand when you're forced to fight your own demons alone...
Moral of the story: A girl, a cat, and a mask will always be a recipe for trouble.
Homme et Femme, Le Chevalier Noir et La Princesse Voleurs
Why am I getting so emo atm? Anyway, our mental strength may easily matter more than physical endurance. The reason being why is that you can easily overcome jetlag via mind over matter. We'll need to settle into the game asap, but we also need to be mindful not to let physical fatigue compromise our aggression. Ultimately, it boils down to where the aggression will be played. There's no point doing it from back to front and vice versa. Ask for my tactical opinion and I'll say the midfield.
No goals, no win, nothing
The Saints this season is a team quite the opposite to the likes of Everton and Spurs. If Mauricio "poached by a Hebrewfrom Israel" Pochettino has further refined his white hot tactics at White Hart Lane, then Ronald "he's no creepy McDonald" Koeman has surely introduced some cold blue steel at Goodison Park minus a diet of Korean candy.
Under the defensive leadership of Claude "Le Tank" Puel, the Saints are now playing the kind of football which got us canned by the purists prior to the red-blue showdown against Antonio "Il Bestia" Conte. I know it sounds a sick joke, but there's nothing much separating us from them here. Not so much in terms of the starting XI, but the tactics.
However, getting defeated by a team full of blokes sharing the same DNA as Ali G, Borat Sagdiyev, Brüno Gehard, and some AG named Aladeen means the fans will be expecting a response.
Well, not in this manner. Hopefully ,my super mignone legal housebreaker isn't anti-Jewish...
I'll be absolutely damned if the Anglo-Saxons from the south coast won't try doing a St George against our four by two. Or four by three for that matter.
DTA and Austin
DTA, either it's Don't Trust Anybody or Don't Trust Austin. For the Saints, they need to earn the trust of everybody from fans to pundits and punters alike. For the Saints, they'll need to forget about Charlie "the stone cold (goal) stunner" Austin since he's crocked. Interesting question would be which southern saint is available for the centre-forward role. My answer to this whole damn riddle?
Dušan "the weapon expert in the train to Busan" Tadić, one of the latest athletes out to make Serbia super famous ever since Ana "not the wife of Branislav" Ivanović first took the world of female tennis by storm. If there must be a 국외자 in that train to Busan, it has to be him. In every elite counterstrike team out to liberate the entire Korean Peninsula from a zombie invasion, there must be a weapons expert. Tadić is that expert, he is Monsieur Puel's Archer in red and white. Assuming he will start the game in place of an injured Texas Ranger named Austin, it means we'll be in some sort of trouble. Without a no.9, it merely means Tadić will most likely be doing that false 9. However, it must be stated that he operates like a true blue Serbian hitman who will never leave a job unfinished. Despite being frozen(?) out by the current regime, Koeman's tactical brain last season proved that Tadić is definitely more than capable of scoring goals like a Serbian no.9. His ability to pass and score is a real danger to us because that will liberate Nathan "the Flash" Redmond (read: he basically cuts in like a black Robben). Austin's absence is NOT a boon given to us on a silver platter. Quite the opposite, in fact. Coupled with the speedy presence of Josh "not you, Mr Sim" Sims, it means our four by two will have to be up for a fight.
My advice to Señor? The All Saints' backline is nothing to scoffed at. The presence of 3 central mids means Monsieur Rouge et Blanc has the neccesary engine room to deal with our attack. The longer we dally with the ball, the more time we'll be giving them to hold fort and counter. Once they have the ball, it's only a matter of time before they attack. More likely Monsieur Rouge et Blanc will want to draw first blood asap. Which means we'll most likely be facing plenty of lightning-fast counterattacks. Which is why the south coast will need the creativity of their Serbian hitman. Because I know starting lineups are prone to last minute changes (something which I suspect is a means of countering my strategic "genius" as a "descendant" of Guo Jia), it means the front three we'll be facing is key to victory, draw, or defeat. We'll need to play the ball fast and down the flank. The moment we can force a certain James "the living St James Power Station" Ward-Prowse out wide, it means there's a chance of getting something out of a 50-50. If that very same St James Power Station decides to drift out wide on his own terms and conditions, it means we'll run the risk getting shut down for good like some Butter Factory. If I've accidentally offended anyone, I apologise. After all, you'll never know when/whether you'll end up accidentally offending your future girlfriend's BFFs. *shrugs*
It's been quite a frustrating evening so far. Sometimes, I have this urge to say "no one understands me." for a good reason. For the last four years, I just felt that those around me have started understanding me better. After which their impassive reactions ended up asking damning questions. Emotionally, I'm prone to think no one understands me. Thankfully, the rationale side assured me that they actually understand me. That there's a reason why they choose to act dumb. Funnily enough, I can easily guess the reason why everyone from my churchmates to family members chooses to act stupid. In fact, my churchmates have been throwing me hints that... yeah, they actually know what's going on. And that includes the matter of my super mignone legal housebreaker.
Curently trying to focus 100% despite current frustrations... All our ancestors come from Teesside and all their ancestors come from Hull
The reason why I used the Causeway derby as the post title is very simple. As a team in red, my beloved Boro's mascot beast is a lion. Just like my national team sans the quality. On the away end, Hull City's mascot beast is a tiger.
Problem Thanksgiving?
I believe we need to quit being optimistic. While no punters would fancy us punting the likes of Stoke and WBA, we actually forced a creditable draw against them. When we entered the toughest patch of our fixtures, no one (including me) was willing to say "hey, we're gonna get something out of nothing!"
Turns out we got 1 point each from Arsenal and Man City with Chelsea giving us maximum respect when Antonio "Il Bestia" Conte decided to go defensive in the face of Señor's offensive tactical switch.
After 2 points dropped at the expense of Wes "not Kanye West" Morgan's illegal slap and Marten "he fights like a marten and runs like the Roon" De Roon's sudden acid trip, many are predicting a must-win match that will end up with a win. For us no less.
This comes to mind a certain match at London 2-3 seasons back. We're still in the Championship and Millwall was under the leadership of Ian "that barking mad Ian" Holloway. No one expected us go on an early Boxing Day shopping spree. Turned out we got ourselves a London turkey stuffed 6-1 (or was it 5-1?).
So will we get a 4-0 win? After all, our performances have defied the form book so as to speak. Now let me use an analogy here: There's this beautiful eligible bachelorette in DDR. You never let your thoughts wander on whether she likes you. Then out of the sudden, she did something weird. Photos she previously kept private on FB were made public. Not through a hacker (since FB is founded by a Jew and I'm sure Tim "he nearly got cooked" Cook isn't one), but rather out of self-volition.
What I'm trying to say is not whether said beautiful eligible bachelorette is really attracted to me. Rather, assuming we'll enjoy another Thanksgiving turkey outing is like assuming that beautiful eligible bachelorette really has a thing for me. Simply put, it's... well... *bleep!* *bleep!*
I'd rather be cautiously optimistic here. Optimistic because we have form and quality. Cautiously optimistic because no one had expected a local talent to be better than a foreign talent.
4-3
The three amigos
I need to say something about whether we need to beef up our defence. Lately, we're linked to Harry "not some Pothead" Maguire and Neven "never a sabo'tic" Subotić. Let me be this frank by saying we don't need a 3rd bloke for the centreback role. Unless something disastrous happen where both our first choice centrebacks got crocked, there's no point for us to spend needless money. In particular, Subotić would have been a great addition if not for this guy below.
I'm not referring to Arsène "Mourinho's London home set on fire, bobbies suspect arson" Wenger. Rather, I'm talking about his 16 million GBP man. I like Calum "Calum's got talent" Chambers. He's shaping up just fine without Subotić's signature. Initially, I feared the worst when Señor decided to pair him up with Ben "Le Prince" Gibson. That was against Tottenham. Poor lad got roasted in the first half, he picked himself up come the next half. From there onwards, he matured strength to strength. Against Les Gunners, Daniel "El Ratón III" Ayala did his part to ensure the opposition was reverted to Les Goners. In other words, we have depth. Given the physical demands of Señor's tactics, it also means there no point signing a 3rd guy only to give him a place in the U-21 squad.
One worrying thing about him though is the likelihood of going into pieces against an opposition favouring pace and physique as the firing squad. I've already mentioned Tottenham, Liverpool's goal rush against Arsenal coincided with Chambers starting as a centreback. Against Leicester, it's the same old problem minus Morgan's illegal slap. In particular, raising an arm so damn high is a cause for concern. Against Chelsea, Diego "El Bestia" Costa bullied his way into scoring. Guess who lost his composure even if it's for a mere few seconds?
If Hull decide to play it deep, chances are that Chambers won't have an implosion issue. If Hull decide to pick a fight against our backline, that's where the problem will come. That lad is good, just that he needs to work on his mental strength. At least Joe "he ain't a lass named Allen" Allen has improved greatly on his composure, that's why Mark "not Maes" Hughes signed him. This is where Víctor "El Gato" Valdés and His Royal Highness Gibbo can do something to help. Valdés needs to let his personal heroics do the motivating while Gibbo Jr needs to assure Chambers that he and another central mid will always have his back. Yes, I know it's a crap idea. But hey, something needs to be done before #TeamRoboKlopp decides to shove that poor lad into the footballing gas chamber once more (no Holocaust jokes please. I happen to know my history even though it was Borat who taught us S'poreans about the Jews).
Antonio "El Mariachi?" Barragán, I don't know what to do with him. When Señor signed this guy, critics thought he's gone barking mad like Ian. We have a strong defence in the dressing room, where is this amigo gonna play? As it turned out, Barragán has been a revelation so far. As our default rightback, his transition play is that damn good. At the same time, he's not that kind overlapping player Justin "not a Beliebor" Hoyte was when Mogga was still the boss. However, I have a problem with him. Don't worry, it's not personal even though the daughter of Peter "gotta catch 'em all!" Lim may have been subjected to racist comments even though we signed this guy from Camp de Mestalla (note: I'm just a Chinese Singaporean, not someone related to the Lims since I share the same surname as this historic fellow below).
I don't like Roger "ref should have been Kanye West" East. Then again, I don't expect Mr East to like me as well. A lot may have been said on our 3 penalty calls gone unheard, but the Watford faithful would also point out Barragán's continual existence despite the fact that he should have been sent off. Let me be frank, that amigo had a horrible game. Against Leicester, we'd be given the wrong karma if someone like Riyad "first name sounds like Riyadh, last name sounds like Jason Mraz" Mahrez was deployed on the left. Already Marc "not from Marc Jacobs" Albrighton was having fun down the left. Period. Unlike Chambers, I can't find a tactical reason behind his occasional meltdown.
Ultimately, the only way to ensure both the foreign talent and local talent remain safe is to form an effective shield at the defensive right. That's the only solution I can think of.
Adama "we got the correct Traoré" Traoré has got plenty to learn. On the first glance, he's most likely the go-to guy from the counter-offensive dept. I've seen some of his tricks, let me first get the bad and ugly out of the way first: He really needs to up his final ball. It's not just about decision-making, it's also about the accuracy. Right now, he's merely a black Mark "Scud A" Philippoussis. The forceful style is there, ditto for the mobility and pace. However, he needs to be more like Roger "the Fed" Federer. I'm not telling him to play like Diego "he can fight like Costa" Maradona. Rather, he needs to be calm yet quick on his feet. Against Leicester, his crosses were dealt with easily, RoboHuth or no RoboHuth. Against Hull, he can't afford to have the same thing happening again. Difference between Leicester and Hull lies in the bus parking. Against us, the Foxes had no reason to do that. Against us, please be very sure that Hull will park their own Bas Kilang (i.e. basically a type of bus made in Malaysia). I won't want to give him too much stress though. He's a grown-up man, not some 12 year old Singaporean kid taking the PSLE. Hone the passing/crossing first. Then we can continue talking later.
Now let me say the good things. Or rather the good thing since we all know how fast he can run. His first touch. His first touch is that one thing I noticed apart from the standard fare of pace and mobility. He's not afraid to take risks on this end, some of his passes done on a first touch basis would have gone to Row Z if we're talking about the average player.
Note: This guy is NOT the Madrid half of the Super Sergio Bros
My advice to Señor? Hull will most likely plug the game from the front till the midfield. As for the defence, it's tactically possible for them to play deep in this way so long the rest of the team are willing to run back. Mike "pretty sure his bro isn't Dave" Phelan would have seen videos on Álvaro "sSolo para siempre?" Negredo when it comes to scoring goals. To put things in a nutshell, both goals against Leicester were instigated by Adam "not Clayton" Forshaw's upfield ball. While it's too early to predict anything, a positive draw against WBA would have given some much needed morale boost to the opposition. This will most likely be a low scoring affair. Key to one point, three, or none would depend on whether Señor is willing to play possession across the back with our midfield forming both shield and fulcrum. If Hull wants to play deep, we have to make sure they won't breach our four by two. If Phelan opts for a more aggressive approach, we'll have to play high and compact. Drawing first blood will be Hull's aim, but not necessarily an early goal. In fact, an early goal may backfire spectacularly on them since we've proven ourselves as mentally stronger match by match. Phelan is not a moron, he should know playing against a wounded beast is a dual edged sword. Do it right and the beast will be slain. Do it wrong and... well, think I'll let a bear do the talking for me.
Credit goes to a churchmate of mine due to her famous Yellowstone T-shirt. :P
