Let me be this brutally frank, my fellow Boro-thers-in-arms. When I saw the starting lineup, I liked what I saw because Señor was hell-bent on making a statement minus Cristhian "he's no Arnie" Stuani on the right. The lineup promised attacking intent right from the get-go, many a "Korean" fan (read: you should be intelligent enough to know the joke) was left frustrated. But should we expect 3-0 from a starting lineup featuring the likes of Rudy "get in, you son of a gun!!!!" Gestede, Patrick "Bam! Bam! Bam!" Bamford, and Viktor "yet to be King" Fischer? Apart from that he-who-must-not-be-named playing in hole 9, none of them impressed. But can you blame Gestede and Bamford for not shooting straight? One bloke is in sore need of match time, the other lad is in dire need of a massive vitamin C boost (read: C is for Confidence, nothing to do with Ribena or Scotts). As for Fischer, what I saw was plenty of promise before fizzling out. Key phrase is fizzling out.
A little wonder why Gastón "El Bestia Bello" Ramírez is still waiting for his good karma. The only catch? Stewart "down but not out" Downing's performance against a resolute Stanley
Houston, we have a problem...
If something like this can be seen, it means we're famous for all the wrong reason. We can't blame Álvaro "solo para siempre?" Negredo for being... well, solo para siempre. Señor's continental style is all about playing safe. To put things into proper perspective, we are the only promoted team guilty of playing ball on the ground. Period. We can try doing another West Ham (which to be fair was a way better performance than 90% of our 90 mins played so far), but will the fans be appeased? I doubt so. The only way out of our current predicament is to play the kind of football Sir Stamford Raffles and his BFF William Farquhar would play against Mahatma Gandhi last time round. Like it or not, we're stuck in a tactical catch 22 situation. Period. We can try passing the ball forward more oft than not. Go ask Ian "barking mad like someone born in 1982" Holloway what happened when Blackpool was scoring goals for fun at the top flight. If you think he's too far away for an interview, go ask Mogga what happened when West Brom was playing the kind of football which would have made Tony "Pulis says 'freeze!' to Arsenal" Pulis vomit blood right from the kickoff. It's very easy for us Boro fans to look at our beloved Boro, there's nothing wrong with it. But to look at other teams at the same time? Either you're crazy or you deserve a 14 million quids contract to be Señor's estratega.
The win against Stanley Kubrick Accrington wasn't pretty. It's like one of those days where your super mignonne legal housebreaker wouldn't pick up the phone just because your politically incorrect humour rubbed her BFF the wrong way. Considering the manner of our firing squad, I'm pretty content with the outcome. It's like me knowing for sure my super mignonne legal housebreaker will eventually talk to me. Why? Because in the same manner I was able to understand the situation, she also knows what's going on.
I'd rather focus on the next match. But before that, let me talk a bit about Downing 10. Not the Number 10 of U.K politics, but rather the number 10 of Middlesbrough XI. Firstly, let me express a big THANK YOU to Big Uncle Sam. At West Ham, Big Uncle Sam was the reason why Downing was able to rebuild his career. Gone are the days where his pace and left foot is the key to unlocking the defence. Now are the days where he has to play more with his brain and less with his pace. At the Championship, he was given a torrid time due to a lack of pace coupled with being deployed out wide. Against Stanley Accrington, he was that Stanley "not Accrington" Kubrick who got us a goal. While I'd like to see Gastón the Beast staying, it must be stated that no player is bigger than the club in the same way no Number 10 is greater than the nation. When Lee "unrelated to any Lee of Singapore" Tomlin left us for greener pastures and a better footballing style, no one would have imagined Gastón becoming our Beast. At this point of time, it's only right for us to expect the unexpected once again.
However, Downing isn't our only best bet of being the number 10. There's a good reason why Viktor "yet to be King" Fischer is anything but the finished product. He has the class, but the tenacity defining Gastón as that one beast of a player is still sorely lacking in that Danish prince waiting to be crowned. Fischer fizzling out by the 2nd half is a cause for concern. Señor demanded 100% tenacity, Fischer is still that weak link. If the growing Dane wants to be that great Dane we all hope to see, then he better start reinforcing the steel in him. As a player, he's the closest thing to El Bestia Bello. As an individual, he does things more like Belle than the Beast himself. If Daenerys Targaryen can prove herself as every bit a Targaryen as her late brother Rhaegar, what's stopping Fischer from becoming King Fischer I?
Against West Brom...
It's gonna be anything but pretty. Pulis will not rev up the engine like that Slavic #footballtrollinggod from London. Yes, Pulis will want to rev up the engine. If I can retweet a lolarious gif of Pulis doing the Sturridge dance, it means Pulis can easily try having a go at us for the first 45 mins.
Last time round, James "I'm legally clean, I tell ya!" McClean gave us a massive trolling down the right. Therefore, why should we be so stupid to expect the history not repeating itself? Key to Pulis' tactics lies in who plays in the hole (assuming he's gonna do a 4-2-3-1). The hole 9 area will indicate how high WBA will start pressing. Mark my words, the holding midfield will only be there to break up play. The hole 9 is where the turbo will be turned on like Top Gear complete with the likes of Jeremy "my next top job is to take over Jeremy Corbyn as the Chief of Labour" Clarkson and James "my next top job is to take over Theresa May as our national Number 10" May.
So what we must do in order to avoid 3 pts lost? Again, this is the kind of match which Señor will surely use to remind the fans what must be done to secure top-flight status instead of relegation in the name of scoring. There will be little to no cover in front of their number 10, so it will be ideal to park the bus there. No one is telling Señor to attack and play an English artillery or two. Not me at least. But to fight it out like what we at the Boro enjoy doing? To quote Stone Cold Steve Austin, "HELL YEAH!"
Feeling red hot by wearing red
Let's talk about what happened so far in the transfer window where Man Utd is concerned. Firstly, José "still O Especial" Mourinho admitted that Ashley "he's getting older" Young may be going somewhere. Secondly, he dropped a bombshell more powerful than a fellow Portuguese named Carolina "she's gonna net plenty of guys" Neto.
Utd is now running low in cover when it comes to the holding mid area. What about the leftback role then? By my own guess, that's where Young has been playing more oft than not. After all, we're seeing the likes of Anthony "the black Bruce Lee out wide" Martial and Henrikh "MKH (him), not KMH (me)" Mkhitaryan out wide with the likes of Jesse "my Spanish namesake amigo is moving to Las Palmas instead of Las Vegas" Lingard and Marcus "not bent over like Bent" Rashford waiting for their chances. As for Juan "from mata biru to mata merah" Mata, he decided to call his boss "my BFF (Baddest Foe Forever) turned BFF (Best Friend Forever)".
Let's talk about Wayne "transfer news are always looney" Rooney first. Assuming any talk of leaving is pure drivel created by the very same blokes who give us the Page 3 lasses, what it may possibly mean is a change in role within the team. Not so recently, Rooney decided to play hero even though he's no Captain Britain. By dropping back deep, his placement nearer to the back 4 caused plenty of anguish for the players getting himself forward (not I say one hor! Blame this foreign talent instead). While it took a Nightcrawler named Adam "not Adam Lalas" Lallana to *bamf!* Big Uncle Sam out of jail, the glare still remained on Rooney.
If Rooney is to play in the holding mid, what can he offer tactically? Firstly, he should run less, think more. He's tactically smart, just that he's too stubborn like my dad. His days are far from over, but he needs to display a willingness to be humble. To be the greatest amongst his brothers, one must first be the least amongst his brothers. If this rule was applied to the apostles during the days of the early church, what makes us think Rooney is saintlier than the apostle Paul? Rooney's days as the false 9 should be seen as history, the Sun would be better off trying to convince Miss Hazell to make men keel over once again (read: no one should be talking Rooney up as St George incarnate unless they want me to insult their IQ).
If Rooney is to play the holding mid, my ideal pick to be his Boy Wonder is Ander "El Arquero" Herrera. Blessed with athleticism and a good passing boot, His first touch reminds us of Paul "if Cantona is the King, then he's the Apostle" Scholes. Period. So long Rooney doesn't try playing a pass like Glenn "still the smartest man in the room despite karma" Hoddle, I'm all okay with this arrangement.
Which now comes back to Schweinsteiger the Bastion. For too long, we've associated Der Bastion with the holding mid role where the bastion is the key to every team's survival. Before that, however, he's a bastion out wide as the left midfield. Don't believe me, you can go ask Jürgen "not Klopp" Klinsmann. I do not know him personally, but I know he is a faithful witness to my tactical statement here. In other words, Der Bastion can easily play in the leftback role (read: note that I say left back, not left wingback). If there's anything "special" about O Especial's tactics, it'd be a stable back 4 where the line tends to stay flat like that flat-chested girl in the class next door (read: a damning testament on how we guys behaved last time round during the 90s at Gan Eng Seng School).
All that's left waiting to be reclaimed will be that tenacity which once made him that fearsome midfielder chewing up the offence and spitting a counter-offensive pass immediately afterwards.
Feeling blue by wearing red
It's a disaster. Or is it? Then again, it may really be one. Liverpool has now lost 3 home games in a trot. The Kopites are now the talk of Merseyside in terms of ridicule no thanks to their neighbours in blue. Suffice to say, the relationship between the red Scousers and the blue Scousers has always been somewhat like the relationship between pure blooded Jews and the (not-so) pure blooded Samaritans way more than 2000 years ago.
The continental showdown between Kaiser Klopp and Caesar Conte will surely be a match of 90 mins fit for an emperor. Or at least that's what we'll be hoping for.
On the first glance, Chelsea holds all the aces. I mentioned what Chelsea is all about under Caesar Conte. Twice to be exact. As for Liverpool, I did the same thing once.
However, Liverpool tends to max it out when the wide attackers are able to bomb forward. Against teams out to park the bus, this tactic is a 50-50 (read: I can just tell my players to load the English artillery from the back in order to force back your wide attackers while remaining in the 20 yard safe zone). Against Chelsea, Liverpool may not have to contend with this tactical problem. The only way for Caesar Conte to load the ammo is up. Either via a black Moses or another Spanish Alonso. Kaiser Klopp will do well to shut the gates in front of the back 4. As crazy as this sounds, the defensive midfield is where the battle will be won or lost. Not so much for Caesar Conte, but definitely for Kaiser Klopp.
If the Teutonic commander of men has to keep a wary eye on the gates holding the defensive wall together, then the Roman tactical genius has to play his cards right on when to press and when to hold. It's pointless to say long ball this and long ball that. A load of balls if I say so myself. Conte's style is all about controlling the game via two intelligent Equites Romani out wide who happens to be that damn good technically as well. Not just at Chelsea has he managed to create a wall unlike what we'll be seeing very soon at the U.S-Mexico border, mind you. For he has already done so while under national service (note to my fellow Singaporeans: This is proof that a genius does not come from a good family).
The Chelsea match may easily be that make-or-break moment for Liverpool. Conte's control-and-attack style shouldn't be seen as a favourite's ticket to victory, but rather a tactical reprieve for Klopp. The moment Liverpool can force Chelsea to transfer possession from the width to centre, Caesar Conte may well be done for. Should Chelsea be able to start dictating the offence via the wingbacks, the entire dressing room in red will be prepared for a session of hanged, drawn and quartered.
P.S: I decided to do the merry tagging game due to the nature of the last part.
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