BoA

BoA. So what does it stands for? I still remember when we're all young and stupid like a certain Brock, we enjoyed making lewd jokes at the expense of the other party's celeb idol. In fact, I recalled there was this one guy in my 32 SIB named TSJ. He was a fan of Jolin "the G-irl" Tsai and I was a hopeless fanboy of BoA.

I forgot what triggered the convo below though...

TSJ: You don't lie to me. If BoA asked you to have sex with her, would you say yes?

Me: ...

TSJ: You don't tell me your answer is no hor!

Me: Actually yes...

We all are bastards. Jon, Gendry, and me.
Can you blame me for being a reject of the society?


Okay, let's make this quick...

It's a good thing that I've commented more than once on Antonio "Il Bestia" Conte's tactic. Because I don't feel like upping links from my own handiwork, let me just summarise his strategy in a nutshell: wingbacks.

While he was a steward of Rome, an effective wingback strategy was the reason why Gli Azzurri was able to confound critics and naysayers alike. Not only does this mean Conte is intelligent, it also points to the fact that quite frankly, he's a genius. Sadly, the Roman genius met his match in the form of a Teutonic genius.

To make his 3-5-2 work last time round, there's a need to have a ball playing centreback. While it's a bummer for the correct fans in blue to see the back of John "will he be stoned?" Stones, Conte pulled off a strategic masterstroke in the form of David "he plays ball like how another David played the harp" Luiz. Previously ridiculed for being a clown, the reason behind many a joke lies in the fact that... well, he's a ball playing centreback not so unlike Stones. Under José "think he's now looking like the old O Especial" Mourinho, he was a joke because we're talking about someone who thinks like Dunga. Under Dunga... okay, let it rest. Luiz's resurrection has never been about class. He still has it. Unfortunately, telling him to do things like a stereotypical centreback is like telling a true blue creative genius to behave like a stereotypical student within the S'porean context. Which is just wrong. Plain damn wrong.

Under the eyes of a pragmatic coach, Luiz will never be appreciated. Under Conte, he flourished.

The Duke of Hazard

He's fast, he's blue, and he's Belgian. Not only is Belgium famous for the beer, chocs, waffles, and mussels, it's also famous for Jean-Claude "not Van Damned" Van Damme and the Duke of Hazard.

A lot has been said about Diego "El Bestia" Costa, but something needs to be said about Eden "the Duke" Hazard. He collects the ball like an angmoh Casanova picking up local S'porean girls, he left his markers like that damn car in the Dukes of Hazzard movie. Previously ridiculed over his flatter-to-deceive reputation, he's now the MRI under Conte. If Luiz is that artistic bloke holding down play and passing the ball beyond the midfield, then Hazard is that Messi Ronaldo Incarnate cum that son of a gun (hence the need for MRI).

While Conte's beasts still retain their commander's philosophy of controlling play via the defensive width, the 3-4-3 system is all about liberating the most dangerous player in blue right now. Namely the living footballing Hazard. Blessed with a turn of pace, the explosive nature of his speed could easily rival whatever H-bomb or A-bomb Pyongyang is now making.

In order to unleash him, however, Conte needed to have an effective foil. To hold up the ball, so that Hazard has the license to kill like Sir Sean "why so many Scottish knights?" Connery while he was still saying "The name's Bond. James Bond."

Conte's job is not just to score goals. As a centre forward, yes his job is to score goals. As part of the team, however, his job is to unleash another beast in blue.

With two effective wingbacks capable of pace and control, what this means is very simple: Riverside has to brace itself, for winter is coming.

My advice to Señor? Conte's choice of attacking 3 will define how the game is played (this is not considering, however, any changes done to the width). In the form of Costa, we have to deal with that absolute beast of a man not unlike that hulking dude lucky enough to date Emma "Duchess of Megawatts" Watson. In the form of Hazard, we have to deal with that fastest son of a gun. In  the form of Pedro "not a pedo" Rodriguez, we have a proven goal poacher whose speed is second only to Hazard. Against N'Golo 'Le Karate Noir" Kanté and Nemanja "don't call him Vidić unless you wanna die"Matić, we have to deal with hardcore central midfield pairing which would make the likes of Bryan 'RobboCop" Robson and Roy "take that, you *bleep!*" Keane go "wth has Utd been doing for the past N years?"

Ultimately, we need to play this brave. We need to dig in deep, we need to force Conte's hand by limiting the ammo supply to the width. Far better it is for us to let the do that than for Chelsea to run riot via ammo supply from both the centre and width. We don't have to play it deep, that's too intiutive. We have to play it smart by parking the bus at the centre. Our back 4 need to be at their finest best, we'll need 7 BFF Jews instead of just one BFF Friend. The moment we can limit Costa's positioning (read: do not let him anywhere in the 20 yrd box if possible at all), we have a chance of winning this (or at least getting something out of nothing). There has to be a consistency when it comes to the first person to the ball within the firing line. The identity of that fellow will define how Conte will play his final 3rd strategy. Will he be El Bestia or the Duke of Hazard? That's the most important question of the match.

P.S: I'm gutted to say that we only have a Gastón "El Bestia Bello" Ramírez as the answer to Conte's firing squad. Then again, who knows we may some kind of 3rd party intervention?

Steve was right during my NSF days.
I should start thinking like a normal S'porean.