Before I start running the risk of getting into trouble with my future girlfriend and her BFFs (not to mention her family members especially her mother), let me just explain that above image was that of a Crystal Palace cheerleader. To have a better understanding about what I'm trying to say...
If you can't understand Chinese, it's okay. I'm pretty sure my beautiful legal housebreaker is a Singaporean Chinese just like me. I'm not really a Han Xin because I don't wear the shirt. I'm not so much of a Xiao He because my current workplace is SGH, not Middlesbrough Football Club. I'm more of a Zhang Liang for a reason.
I tweeted that Mark "not Maes" Hughes planning to lure us in and hit us on the counter when he introduced Joe "has never played like a girl" Allen. Outcome? 1-1, draw.
I mentioned strangling possession via our back 6 when WBA was threatening to overrun us all over the park. Outcome? 0-0, draw.
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| Unlike Xiaxue's blog, I won't say everyone is reading my stuff. This journalist for Evening Gazette chose to read my stuff. |
Let's simplify this...
After all, they say simplicity is the hallmark of a genius. Whether I am really one, however, remains to be seen. I admit I'm instinctively inclined towards excellence in literature, but that's all. After looking at the two teams playing more like us (namely WBA and Bournemouth), I discovered a seeming case of strategic inconsistency. I looked at Alan "will it be Pt Deux?" Pardew's formation for these two matches. Both were as different as day and night. It took me like around 5 mins to discover a consistency behind the seemingly inconsistent. Namely this crystalline bloke below.
In reality, Pardew's dancing. Seemingly, he's attempting something like this below.
Okay, I admit that's my own way of making amends over my indiscretion at the beginning of the post. After all, I'm pretty sure my beautiful legal housebreaker is a Chouder. Let's continue...
In case you're still too thick to realize the hidden danger man, I'm referring to Jason "JASON... PUNCH!!!!!!" Puncheon. He's not exactly Saitama of the One Punch Man fame, but still nevertheless dangerous. Capable of playing either out wide or in central mid, the most absurd aspect of his game lies in being deployed in the holding mid area. Sounds dumb? My guess is not.
There has to be a methodology behind Pardew's seemingly Pt Deux approach. Namely the ability to cover ground box to box. My friend Eric once mentioned that there are two ways to cover ground at full throttle. Either it's by acceleration or pace. Pace is all about consistently running up and down. Basically this was how the late Sir Alf Ramsey won the World Cup a year after my country achieved independence. Then we have acceleration where players like Steven "not Lim" Gerrard used to do as a hot-blooded Scouser. Puncheon's running game is possibly that of acceleration where the distance covered in one shot can be greater than running the same distance via sheer pace.
As a holding mid, Puncheon can do one of three things: holding down the ball, crossing the ball, running off the ball.
In the event where he's playing out wide, it means we'll most likely see Yohan "Le Kebab" Cabaye. Oh wait, he's not gonna do a kebab pass against us tomorrow. Which means Pardew will be looking at another player who can fill in Cabaye's role of the kebab man.
Lee "why so many dragons named Lee?" Chung-Yong is Pardew's best bet of assuming the kebab role. I still remember the past days where I frequent the arcade at Parco Bugis Junction. Not only did I eventually learnt how to game like pseudo-pro (something which contributed to my current gaming days with Neverwinter), I also remember that attractive Taiwanese girl and Dongdaemon store which sold stuff like Korean kebabs. More specifically, I'm referring to the beef bulgogi kebab, not the Taiwanese girl. Long story short, let's see if Pardew will make an absurd decision. For the weekend, let's just assume I'll be Park "not the 대통령" Shin-hye's enemy. After all, I can (?) promise you all that Arylos' relationship with Korey is... well (hopefully) complicated.
As for Wilfried "previously fried by his (ex)boss" Zaha, it remains to be seen whether he'll start. However, I'm very sure Andros "Stuart" Townsend will start. This lad possesses the necessary qualities to be an orthodox out-and-out English winger (read: hitting teams on the counter and running back on a consistent basis). I won't say that he's a King Elessar, but at least he's decent enough to be Halbarad. And yes, I know the other Townsend got screwed in the casting of Arwen Undómiel's humble BFF (read: NOT Best Friend Forever mind you).
My note to Señor? Whoever the ones forming the firing squad. While Puncheon is more than capable of delivering that Saitama punch, most likely it'd be the athletic duo of Connor "the MacLeod standing behind" Wickham and Christian "the living Bentley Continental GT3" Benteke. Either that or it's a telepathy game between one Benteke GT3 and the other. Let's see who is more daring. At the same time, whether Mathieu "quite a bit of a Debuchy" Flamini plays will have a certain bearing on how the 90 mins will pan out.
And now it's all black and white...
The greatest match in the history of Manchester. Indeed hell hath no fury like a genius scorned. Let alone two. In the form of José "O Especial" Mourinho, the United half of Manchester has the closest personality to the legendary Sir A.Fergie in terms of man management. In the form of Pep "El Genio" Guardiola, the City half of the city of Manchester has the smartest idealist in the room.
Already, neutrals are most likely waiting with bated breath on whether history will repeat itself despite claims from both special geniuses that a grudge match won't be on the menu.
To set the record straight, you don't have to understand Spanish to realize the absurdity behind the sequence of events. Heed my advice, do not ask any señorita whether she knows what's a pito. I assure you the cops will be mobilized in 60 secs. Hell hath no fury like a señorita insulted. Confirm plus chop together with double affirm.
Black and white brigade
When it comes to the Manchester derby, it's not just about the GBP spent. It's also a battle of between Irish aggression and Greek tenacity.
For every Gáe Bolg, there must be a Rho Aias. In quite a literal sense, this will be a battle between two black and white brigades.
First up, John "either a rock or waiting to be stoned" Stones. Let me be this brutally frank. My first impression on him was anything but impressed. In his first international outing, he ignored Gary "a different Cahill" Cahill's instruction to defend a set piece. The logic is very simple. As a centreback, defending a set piece is a fundamental rule not meant to be broken. But hell no! Stones just wanted to be a hero like Rooney! I don't care whether it's Rooney or Stones. If you want to be a hero, you better not make a martyr out of even the least of your teammates. Let alone one like Harry "yet to become a goal hurricane" Kane.
If you can't be bothered to understand the basic fundamentals of being a centreback, it means you're not suited to be even the least amongst Mourinho's signings. Period. However, all wasn't lost for Stones. Mourinho is one thing, Pep is quite another ball game altogether.
Mourinho doesn't have time for players hell-bent on doing things their way (e.g. Kevin "Der Brynhildr" De Bruyne and Juan "mata mata on the right" Mata). Likewise, he doesn't have much patience for late bloomers unless said late bloomers had already bloomed and currently in peak form.
As for Pep, he sees things in the longer run compared to Mourinho's more tactical approach. To the late bloomers, he's willing to give more than just a wee bit of leeway. To those hell-bent on doing things their own way, it depends on whether it's technique or just a problematic attitude. There's a reason why Joe "not the hitman" Hart was unceremoniously exiled to the land of Romans. There's nothing wrong with his technique, but something tells me that the past managers in blue had ruined him by indulging his ego. The only problem? He's not the late Steve Jobs. Pep is doing him a favour right now. If this talented Joe refuses to humble himself before the Romans, he's doomed to be known as just another Joe 50 years down the road.
As for Stones, it's quite possible he needs people to recognise his freedom of expression before acknowledging the authority before him. In terms of valuing the freedom of expression, Pep isn't Mourinho. In other words, the two of them are able to click like mentor and student.
At this point of time, Pep is learning quite fast the ropes of English football. Unlike the Iberian way of playing ball, the English are more partial towards building up play from the back. By combining Catalan craft with the English way, Pep may have stumbled upon a magic formula for consistency. If Stones goes up, the team goes up. If Stones falls back, the team should follow suit. If Stones get stoned, then the entire team gets stoned. Worst come to worst, Pep will be stoned like a criminal.
This is currently Raheem "looking more like the real Sterling pound for pound" Sterling's happy face. Currently, he's no longer high on the kind of stuff Joker gave to the Gotham City folks when Michael "Batman V Birdman: Wings of Justice" Keaton decided to take the black despite being a white (okay, I know that's a lame joke). Rather, he's high on the confidence Pep has given him. When Pep first arrived, my verdict was very straightforward. If even Pep can't reform him, no one else will. This lad does have the technical flair to cut the mustard on the international stage. Frustrating fact is that he couldn't be arsed to be consistent. This is not to mention that there's plenty for him to work on as a player. Depending on the individual, it means either a blessing or a curse. For Sterling, it's that darkest curse for England. With Sergio 'Izuna-Kun" Agüero currently MIA due to injury, O Especial nevertheless issued a warning to the Red Mancunians hoping for a surefire 1-0 win. As a proponent of the now famous false 9 system, only a moron would bank against Pep doing what he did best last time round. In Spain, his strategic decision to play Messi as a false 9 reaped massive dividends dwarfing even the wealth of El Dinero and his Galácticos del Proyecto. In Germany, Pep became the unsung hero when Joachim "Der Löwe" Löw decided to "plagiarise" the idea of using Thomas "Der Ninja" Müller during the World Cup tourney 2 yrs ago. A lot will hinge on who Pep will play upfront. Three options available: control and technique; pace and technique; pace and physique. Incidentally, Sterling actually played his better football during his twilight years at Anfield not as a wide attacker or attacking mid, but a false 9.
Firstly, I know this meme is a vulgar one. Secondly, this would be the reaction of the man himself should the damning question pop up. Period. Zlatan "I send entire nations and people into retirement 4 teh loz" Ibrahimović is quintessentially a genius. To understand a genius is to understand his brand of simplicity first. When he branded Pep as a spineless coward, it's most likely due to his anger towards Messi hoarding the central striking role he craved so much. As a player, he knew it's not Messi's fault. Rather, the problem lies in Pep's decision making. Therein lies the mentality of a genius blessed/cursed with the ego of the late Steve Jobs. Give him what he wants and he will galvanise the remaining starting XI into a winning XI. This is the hallmark of a world class player in terms of charisma. Yes, he's really damn selfish. Yes, his ego is the ego of Steve Jobs. In Freudian speak, it means...
1. Ibra=footballer's ID (his exquisite first touch and natural tactical awareness)
2. Ibra=Swedish ego (his passport)
3. Ibra=his own superego (self-explanatory)
In layman speak, ID is about the individual's identity while the ego is the main conscious. As for the superego, it's the subconscious. If I sound like either Sigmund Freud or Carl Jung, that's because I'm guilty of acting smart instead of being plain stupid.
Scarily enough, it's strategically possible to play him in Rooney's no.10 position should the latter gets injured. So long you give him what he demands, he will deliver what you want. And so much more. Position is not really an issue per se (unless you happened to be that Pep who insisted on using an orthodox no.9 out wide). To the haters, he's nothing more than that heartless Gilgamesh who ripped out poor Illya-chan's heart in the Unlimited Blade Works route of Fate/stay night. To the lovers, he's nothing less than that Broskander towering over his bros. Just don't ask me who should be that Archer.
One of the greatest mistakes in Sir A.Fergie's career could very well be letting Paul "Le Chevalier Noir" Pogba go (the other mistake being Gerard "my beloved has seen the light" Piqué released back to Catalonia). Either way, the frustrating thing about Pogba is that like Rooney, he still can't replicate his club form for his nation. Mourinho would do well to observe the way Didier "Monsieur Bleu" Deschamps does his man management. Not only that, he'll need some pointers from Antonio "Il Bestia" Conte. The irony behind the latter statement is never more... well, ironic.
A lot has been said on how Pogba's presence won't do even a penny's worth of contribution. In terms of ball distribution, there's Michael "he plays a pass blind like a smooth criminal" Carrick. In terms of hard running tenacity, there's Morgan "French bloke, last name sounds German" Schneiderlin. In terms of freedom in the midfield, Rooney is that indisputable choice for no.10. What Pogba can offer, however, is the ability to push up the offensive line while retaining the means of tracking back. This is quintessentially the Mourinho player more than any other individual in the squad. Mourinho will do well to remind him (and all) who's the boss, yet he cannot afford to emulate Deschamps' approach despite both the Monsieur and Senhor adopting a similar disciplinarian style.
Conclusion: For Mourinho, the fulcrum lies in the middle instead of the back. For Pep, it's all about the back rather than the offensive mid area. The hit squad will be key to winning the match, 'tis a no-brainer. What's not so much of a no-brainer lies in the individual fulcrum of the teams involved.The tactical irony cannot be any more apparent.
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