Either way, seeing this reminded me of our Anglo-Saxon ex-bosses. Like England, we're currently obsessed over the two shiniest stars in the local sporting scene. Like Wayne "no longer a looney (hopefully)" Rooney and Harry "unrelated to the Lee family. Or Cable and Deadpool for that matter" Kane, our poster boys are in pole position for national martyrdom (I won't say St George incarnate because we're no Anglo-Saxons).
And speaking of the two heirs apparent to St George himself (I won't say Sir Galahad because Siege Perilous remains an empty seat. Whatever that means anyway lol), the new season is finally going to start its curtain raiser(s) this weekend. And with this...
What to expect this upcoming season...
Firstly, expect the unexpected. Maybe we will be relegated. Maybe we'll end up making Alan "Captain England" Shearer eat his words instead. In the mad mad world of money (foot)ball, the only thing more powerful than money is a genius in every sense of the word. Because I'm out to test my mettle against the best of the best, I'll never stop unless PM Lee orders me to do so. In other words, I need to confirm (and affirm) how far my natural brilliance can go.
Format of this post (and the subsequent ones if you get what I mean...)
I'll only be covering the matches for my beloved Boro. This is due to limited time and space available. I got a daily job, I also got other stuff to take care of. I'm no Gandalf, quite obviously I can't multi-task.
Ofc if I have time and space to spare, I'll talk a bit about other teams. Not necessarily the English ones, mind you.
And now for stoking the fire....
It's official. Boro is finally up after quite a bit of (Korean) drama and a marvelous civil war. We have Genjo Sanzo as El Jefe with his fellow companions, all that's left is the monkey boy. Before I continue, please allow me the excuse to up a random song. Don't blame others, blame my abnormal condition and Minekura "Saiyuki" Kazuya.
So long story short, what should we expect from Boro this season? I can only sum it up like the only(?) Arthurian geek in Singapore. The Battle of Camlann. Not only do we need to approach the season 90 mins by 90 mins, we must also know when to approach the season 1 month by 1 month. By the time we reach Christmas, we'll know whether it's better to approach the season 1 match at a time or 4 matches in a single go. Until then, Señor should just tell our lads that they've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. The moment they think prematurely that there's something to lose, we'll invite unwanted pressure. Definitely, we're not from north London. And I mean it in terms of player quality (albeit we all know Londoners from the north are fans of the bottle).
Evolution of Britannia
Currently named Bet365 Stadium, I really missed the old name. Same location, yes. Sadly, the most badass stadium name has entered the annals of Britannian history. Hopefully, Bet365 will be renamed the Bretonnia Stadium.
If every Potter Harry is a Bretonnian, that possibly makes us the Asrai and the Riverside a parallel to Athel Loren. We do not have a superior army in the same way the forces of Athel Loren can never go toe to toe against the rampaging knights of Bretonnia. Under Mark "not Maes" Hughes, #TeamPotterHarry has evolved into #TeamHarryPotter. Quite a remarkable about-turn for a team made famous by Tony "Pulis says 'freeze!'" Pulis. While only a drunken moron will bet against Ryan "he doesn't need to be saved" Shawcross doing a Ramsey tackle* on Gastón "not so much a Luke Evans, more of a knight" Ramírez, I firmly believe the lads at Stoke-on-Trent are now capable of playing far better than Pulis' fish and chips football last time round.
*In a weird twist of fate, my friend Ryan hit me with a rugby tackle 4 years ago because certain people were too damn high. Needless to say, I required a stay in the hospital like Aaron "neither a Sir nor Alf" Ramsey.
With players who would never make the cut under Pulis' wintry football, (Aaron) Ramsey's fellow Welsh have surely improved the team. Tactically, the standard is still there. Technically, the entire Stoke-on-Trent has never before seen far better days.
So what does this say about Hughes? When he first cut his managerial teeth at Blackburn, the signs were already there. This isn't some rocket science or zodiac mathematics. He truly displayed the makings of a good manager. Plenty have been said about Steve "bruiser of a player" Bruce being a good manager. But what about Hughes? Plenty of pundits may have favoured Bruce for the English job, but that's only because Hughes is a British instead of an Englishman. Let me be this brutally frank to those who disagree with me: Hughes is a far better manager than Bruce. In fact, only three players from Sir A.Fergie's era have gone on to football management (from my best of memory, that is). However, Hughes remains the only one who can make the cut (Roy "take that, you *bleep!*" Keane comes close due to a nation's heroics waiting to be immortalised by Irish bards high on the red ale. However, he has yet to convinced me totally).
If there's anything to go by from his ill-fated journey back to Manchester (albeit the wrong half of the city), it would be the fact that he couldn't handle massive egos way larger than the whole of Wales. QPR and Fulham represented an error on his own part. Fulham was a case of misplaced ambition, QPR was a repeat of history itself. The problem with Hughes when he's at the White City of London was simply the same factor that did him in during his crash-and-burn at the wrong half of Manchester. By purchasing high profile signings, he quintessentially signed a pact with the devil. If he couldn't manage the blokes hired by al-Dirham's... well, dirham, what makes us think that he could do the same with high profile egos hired by Tony "not from House Stark" Fernandes' ringgit?
At Stoke, he finally saw the light. The most dangerous players at his disposal right now were the ones no other mid-table teams (including Newcastle for obvious reasons) would(?) sign on the first priority basis. Proven, but unknown. The one thing which works for the Koreans (from the south) all the while is an insistence on the tried and tested. It's actually quite telling when it comes to their dramas (yes, I know all the rabid 사생팬 will crucify me for "insulting" their beloved Princess Deokman). Freak coincidence or not, Hughes' current success actually mirrors the reason why the Koreans (from the south) are so successful.
Players to look out for
Don't all the girls like their boys to be bad? More oft than not, genetic pedigree accompanies problematic antics. In French speak, we call this Le Enfant Terrible. In universal language, we call this Eric "Le Kungfu" Cantona. While I won't label Marko "Arnie of Stoke-on-Trent" Arnautović under the same tag as Joey "I have a baton, gonna use it instead of passing it" Barton, this bloke of Stoke is a potent force up front. Capable of playing out wide or as the orthodox centre-forward, pace and physical presence are his greatest weapons. A bit like Colossus, but definitely faster. It will be interesting to see where he will start this season. Starting with us, ofc.
Like his mate Arnie, Bojan "will he become another Captain Kirk?" Krkić packs a lethal shot. Not so much in terms of force and distance, but surely in terms of accuracy. Imagine a two forward system boasting a cloak (e.g. Heskey) and dagger (e.g. Cottee) approach. Won't put it past Hughres doing that.
The most dangerous bloke of Stoke we'll have to face. Definitely, the danger doesn't have anything to do with whether his Puma comment is capable of making horny guys having wet dreams of Belinda "tak benci" Bencic or just about any hot Swiss Miss. The danger lies in the capability of doing unpredictable things with the ball at his feet, it's truly a shame not to see him at his finest in this year's Euro (either that or he's unable to do it consistently). The Swiss are currently hitting a momentum started by the great Ottmar "der Blitzkrieg" Hitzfeld, there's no sign that the footballing version of Fed(erer) Express will be slowing down anytime soon. Like Vietnam more than 20 years ago, the Swiss were more used to being called the Swiss cheese of football rather than the Swiss Miss of football. 20+ years later, we're seeing Swiss football as another form of Swiss Miss.
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| Credit of creativity goes to yours truly, but credit of inspiration goes to Le Professeur |
Things need to be done
There's no point trying to get Xherdan "the Swiss Shaq" Shaqiri once he gets the ball. Either he'll beat the entire backline or he'll end up like the correct Ramsey (read: definitely not Gordon or Alf to say the least). Either way, we lose. The only way to mark this bloke from Stoke is to... well, not mark him at all. You all may think I'm crazy, but why should Señor be so stupid to fight in a battlefield in which he can't win? Up front, Stoke has plenty of blokes good enough to bamboozle the whole of Tyneside. If we think we're better than the Geordies under Shearer's leadership, we might as well commit harakiri before stepping onto the pitch. Make no mistakes about it. There are plenty of flair blokes at Stoke when it comes to firepower and creativity in the final third.
However, there's possibly an Achilles heel which we can exploit. Namely the central midfield. We have to grow some balls here, my fellow Boro-thers-in-arms. Balls of steel instead of balls of... well, whatever. When it comes to the four by two, we must be stingier than Shylock. As William Shakespeare had famously written in the Merchant of Venice, "Hath not a Jew eyes?"
Secondly, our firing squad has to get the game going. To grab the game by its balls. No fear given once we open up a massive gap between the firing line and defensive line. That's the only way to pin back their source of ammo supply. Yes, it's a risky throw of the die. Yes, I know this is me being anti-typical S'porean even though I'm born with a pink IC. Yet, consider this reality:
The moment they break and counter, we'll be in danger. The moment we let them boss the game by parking our very own Teesside bus in front of goal, it means we're giving the Swiss Shaq the licence to kill us off. Something not unlike Shaquille "the real Shaq" O'Neal had always done in the NBA.
Quite obviously, the real danger lies not in just one person. Then again, you all should get my drift by now.
If my guess is spot on, Hughes will be deploying a passmaster nearer to the back 4. Traditionally a role made famous by the likes of Xavi, Paul "the apostle of Old Trafford" Scholes, and Andrea "Il Gigante"Pirlo, Hughes now have two such players at his disposal. Prior to that new addition named Allen, there's already a Charlie (yes, I know there's at least one girl named Allen. Let's not dismiss him as "a sissy Joe" since he had acquitted himself well in Frankish territory). With Joe "will he command the field like Joe Stalin?" Allen available, Hughes would have one eye on the future and another on the present. I'll be damned though if he chooses to start Allen ahead of Charlie "not Brown" Adam.
If I am to be Señor's field strategist, I'd most likely highlight Hughes' choice of central midfield as the integral key to our very first win, loss, or draw. Either way, we'll have a chance of nicking a point in the event we're able to limit the blokes from Stoke to passing the ball through the flank instead of anywhere spanning from the left to right.
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