In 86 we nearly died,
From Ayresome Park to the Riverside,
Europe twice and we won a cup,
One fine day we'll be up.
Manchester we did you twice,
Bredan Rodgers we nearly did you nice.
Gunners and Toffees will hear us roar,
Also from both Koreas to Singapore.

Saturday 5 November 2016

Beauty and the Beast?

Come next year March 17, we'll be seeing quite a bit of English flair. Aptly entitled Beauty and the Beast, it stars Emma "Duchess of Megawatts" Watson as the titular Belle Dan "not the judge" Stevens as the titular Beast, and Luke "the Bard" Evans as Gaston (not to be confused with our very own Gastón "El Bestia Bello" Ramírez).

Very soon, we'll be seeing Beauty vs the Beast. Namely, Man City versus Middlesbrough, superstars versus the ugly ducklings, Hermione Granger versus Dobby the House Elf. Ironically, this will also pit one established genius against an upstart genius.

Ladies and gentlemen, I officially give you...

Genius and the Bastard


Don't we all hate bastards? They're ill-disciplined, ill-educated, and... well, perhaps a wee bit retarded as well. However, the British have a funny way of expressing their appreciation for such characters. It's called that son of a gun. William the Conqueror was also known as William the Bastard, do you know that? In a Song of Ice and Fire, the most memorable heroes are actually bastards, do you know that?

If Pep "El Genio" Guardiola is the genius, who then is Le Bâtard d'Singapour?

50 mins left, let's make this quick...
I'll go straight to the point like a beast going straight for the jugular. Who are the key men under Pep and his merry guards? Is it Sergio "Izuna-kun" Agüero? As much as the pundits like his goals and derring-do, my answer is "not him". Is it John "will he be stoned by end of season?" Stones? As much as plenty of pundits are gushing over the next great English hope since Greece 2004, my answer is "not him". Is it Kevin "der Brynhildr" De Bruyne? As much as plenty of pundits enjoy seeing him making a fool out of Pep's ex-enemy, my answer is still no.

Just get straight to the point, bastard!

Let's go for the jugular, let's talk about 4-1-4-1. It's nigh impossible to predict Pep tactically, therefore the only way is to try predicting him in terms of strategy. 4-1-4-1 in his dictionary basically reads like 4-3-3 post-transition. To make this work, two players are of utmost importance. Or rather two positions. The first one is that 5th amigo at the back. In which is this case is Fernandinho. The second one is İlkay "der Gandr" Gündoğan.

As the 5th amigo, Fernandinho's job is dual-fold. He's the first man in the defensive line. In this case, he's a ball winner. Yet at the same time, he's also the first man to pass the ball. In this case, he's a ball passer. With a 4 man midfield in front, it means he can be afforded the luxury of making choices with the ball. This is unlike the 4-2-3-1 approach done by Manuel "hope he doesn't dive like a peregrine falcon" Pellegrini where there's more space for counter-offensive teams to exploit via 3 attacking mids instead of 4.

Then we have der Gandr himself. This guy is a monster, someone who is strong with the ball. Quintessentially the Tiger Strong of the squad, he shields the ball well and passes the ball with short/mid range precision. He's no Toni "Stark" Kroos where the ball can be released 30 yards out like some kind of insane repulsor beam launcher. However, the presence of De Bruyne means he doesn't have to do an Iron Man anyway.

It's no coincidence that der Gandr and Izuna-kun combined very damned well in a short span of time. Tennis world may be mourning the death of Santina, but the footballing world may now be popping the champaigne on the birth of Gündoro.

My advice to Señor? Don't park the bus, that'd give De Bruyne another chance to mock his ex-boss in the same way Taylor "gone (swiftly) in 60 secs" Swift has always been dissing her 7 (?) Evil (?) Exes. Don't play it high because we're no Liverpool, we don't do der gegenpress. City will be making plenty of noise in the wake of beating Barcelona, something which may haunt Sir A.Fergie in ages to come. Play it in between the defensive 3rd and middle 3rd. If der Gandr gets himself forward, the onus will be on our defensive spine. If De Bruyne moves forward, it means both our BFF leftback and whoever on the right must steel their resolve (with that being said, De Bruyne does have a better passing range). The offensive width may look scary (actually, it really is), but it merely means we need to break and counter at a breakneck speed. If the chance comes to pull the trigger, consequences be damned and just shoot. I don't care whether it goes in or not. Just fire it like Han Solo.


P.S: I don't expect us to get anything out of this match, but if we do... well, let's just dedicate it to my fellow bastard who deserves some reprieve after getting scolded by an old... okay, think I should just let it rest.

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