Against Swansea: My verdict
We're definitely better than Bonny and Clyde. In other words, we got away from the Liberty Stadium with a point where in fact, we should have gotten beat 10-0. True to their home ground's name, those hundred-year-old Welsh Swans were playing with plenty of liberty under Paul "not the walrus" Clement. Amazingly enough, the Swans were unable to do a single thing in the final third. Either it is down to dumb luck or some great genius was helping us in the same way the famed strategist Zhang Liang was able to aid Liu Bang leagues and miles away during the Chu-Han conflict.
Okay, enough about the history of China. Let's talk about Fernando "El Trasero" Llorente. Clement actually stated that without El Trasero, the Swans were playing like a walrus named Paul instead of a genius named... well, Paul. Okay, that was a lie from yours truly. Swansea Paul never mentioned the walrus.
-Swansea Paul
Swansea Paul, however, chose to hide his real hand in this case. And it's up to me to expose him like the Kindaichi Hajime of Singapore.
A tall, large, and physically powerful player, Llorente's main traits are his heading ability and strength in the air, which enable him to function effectively as a target-man in the centre of his team's attacking line. He is also known for his offensive movement, positional sense, and goalscoring ability inside the penalty area; additionally, he is also gifted with good technical skills and link-up play, which allows him to play well with his back to goal and hold up the ball for his team mates in order to create space and scoring opportunities.
-Don't quote me on this one, please
Playing with his arse facing the goal, this was exactly the reason why Swansea Paul sorely missed his El Trasero. Don't get me wrong, Jordan "not a Michael" Ayew is a good player. His pace and direct playing style should go well for the team against Spurs. However, I doubt he's able to hold up play with arse facing the goal like El Trasero himself. What this means is very simple.
1. If you're Ben "His Royal Gibbo Highness" Gibson, would you dare to tackle El Trasero from behind? If your answer is yes, you get a red. And I don't mean a free front seat ticket to Taylor "gone (swiftly) in 60 secs" Swift's concert.
2. If you're Gylfi "name sounds like some epic fantasy novel hero" Sigurðsson, would you be in a hurry to link up play once El Trasero has the ball at his feet? (not to mention as well with his arse facing the goal) If your answer is no, it means you're actually spot on.
3. If you're a pacy winger, would you be so stupid not to cut in from the width?
With that, I rest my case.
Meltdown down the centre
It didn't look good for the last 20 minutes or so. Under Señor, no one would have hit a meltdown. Against Swansea, we experienced a meltdown from the frontline down till the central midfield. While we have to thank someone (or just about anyone else) for the fact that our backline never melted like solid chocolate over a raging fire. We're guilty of sending the wrong message to our next opponent, let alone opponents for the next N matches till the end of the season. This is surely a horror show thirteen times worse than Jason Goes to Hell (notice the pun in the post title?).
Boro Goes to Hull: Our Final Wednesday
By the time we reach our next Wednesday fixture, the writing would have already been on the wall. Will our survival bid end up like the end of Babylon? Or will we emerge victorious like the Persians and Medes?
If there's a silver lining behind our sub-par 180 mins so far, it'd be Boro Steve stumbling on a magic formula during our Man Utd match. Unlike Ronald "not a McDonald" Koeman, I've yet to see enough to call Boro Steve a master tactician. Yet, we must not take credit away when and where it's due. Plenty may have been said about Rudy "GET IN THERE, GESTEDE!!!!" Gestede's costly miss, but I need to point out the fact that two players made a whole world of difference against José "O Especial" Mourinho's not-so-special Utd. The first is Adama "looking far better than Djimi" Traoré, the other is none other than Gestede. We have pace and aggression in the former, physique and athleticism in the latter. It's no coincidence that Boro Steve's first two subs went to the two of them, it's no bloody miracle that we turned the tables ONLY after the black duo came off the bench and onto the pitch.
If Gestede's miss is a sign of things to come, then Boro Steve should just go for broke and play him up front. Alone by himself, I doubt he can do anything more than missing a 3 yard sitter. With Álvaro "solo para siempre" Negredo, it means a different tactical story. We have nothing to lose. Period. Unlike Blackpool's maiden Premier League voyage under the leadership of Ian "he talks like me in the same way I talk like him" Holloway, we were never guilty of scoring plenty. That was when Señor was still around. With Boro Steve around, I'd rather we take a 4-4-2 risk since I'm not interested in knowing how long our backline will hold firm without the Spanish master of Spanish organisation. Negredo's isolation lies in two factors. Namely, a prolonged spell of being marooned up front and aging legs. The latter factor is more damning since that would have greatly hampered his ability to track back. If only he had signed for Swansea...
Which now comes to this amigo below...
Marco "young like a Rubio, wise like a Polo" Silva, what can I say about him? Young, daring, and a Champions League gaffer. Perhaps much more than Señor, he's looking like the defensive counterpart of Eddie "The Once and Future Knight" Howe. More than us (and Sunderland), Hull deserves the Great Escape (a feat most memorably done by Gus "Me Gusta!" Poyet and Sunderland years ago).
I've seen the Hull team sheet under his stewardship, I knew straightaway the core of his game. Namely, a compact midfield of 4 men across the pitch. However, blood and thunder can only give any team this much. Boro Steve claimed to know plenty about the team, but does he know much about the quicksilver tactician named Silva?
First things first, Hull City seems to have a massive love for a robust midfield game. Under Steve "the boss, not the assistant" Bruce, focus of the midfield went to the width where dynamic wingers were amply supported by a capable central midfield. Under Silva, I have no reason to believe things have changed. That is apart from the focus. As a team out to do a Great Escape, Hull City could ill-afford to do either a Holloway Blackpool or a Me Gusta! Sunderland. The team isn't meant to play surface to surface artillery. More likely a team suited for surface to air. Against West Ham, Hull played a 3-4-1-2 against a more illustrious 4-2-3-1. By pulling back the flat four, Hull would have ample time and space to clamp down possession with that one fellow (more specifically Lazar "the Laser" Marković) playing Wesley "the Pass Sniper" Sneijder behind the attacking two. A direct firing squad is what Hull did right unlike us. A rock solid midfield is what Hull did right, something which we need to match.
Key to win, lose, or draw lies in how high (or low for that matter) quicksilver Silva will play his midfield. At the same time, the space between a flat 4 and the next 2 players further up will be where the battle shall be won (or lost for that matter). The moment we let Hull boss that area, we die and Boro goes to hell by going to Hull. The moment we're able to stamp out mark there... well, to quote someone famous for sending entire countries into retirement 4 teh lolz...
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| The King of Retirement (or rather the lack thereof) was the reason why we stood a chance against Utd. Period. |
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