Boh chenghu one leh!

Me and my fellow S'poreans must have been feeling very gutted right now. Decision to legalise online betting (albeit only for Singapore Pools and Singapore Turf Club) never went through public feedback. Apparently, even the WP chose only to take the fight via a political statement beyond the boundary of parliament debate. I hope I'm wrong here, I really hope my info(rmant) is wrong. Perhaps this is some kind of sick joke done on a bipartisan basis. Maybe it's true that I've become globally famous without being made official, that both the PAP and WP were saying "yeah, we know this guy and what kind of person he is". Maybe that's why... think they must be trolling me 4 teh lolz....

And speaking of online gambling...

I won't be surprised if the likes of William Hillbilly and Lads gone broke(s) gave West Ham a delicious carrot to munch on (read: you know how the damn odds work). Tonight (in S'porean timezone, that is), it's do or die for both us and them. Definitely a do or die for both Señor and the Slavic trolling god.

Note: I only have less than 2 hrs to make this post count. Traditionally, my post would take more than 2 hrs to finish. Think way more than that. As Private Ryan Shawcross pointed out correctly(?), I always talk crap. Which means I'm never one to talk anything useful...

What happens if we/they win?

A high stakes game can never arrive too early or too damn late. While it's still early days for us (2 draws and a win, followed by 3 defeats in a row), we can't afford to start a rot lasting for half a season. We'll die due to the rot. This comes into mind Gareth "Beckham missed his penalty kick=still famous. I missed my penalty kick=become infamous" Southgate's disastrous reign during our final top flight campaign N years ago. We went on a merry run for the first half of the season, then we collapsed in the 2nd half. Somewhere in the middle, our positive run overlapped with our nightmarish run. Señor would do well to take heed of what I've said here. Namely the overlapping part. Our spectacular collapse was more of a gradual leprosy gone progressively worse. During the last days of our unbeaten run, we're starting to draw matches instead of winning them. History may have no bearing on the present, but it may come in handy in the future.

As for West Ham, it's even more of a do or die for them. A team of this level of pedigree should be good enough for Europa League. The footballing gods must be crazy, that's most likely why the Hammers were getting hammered left, right, and centre. The Slavic trolling god must find a way to arrest the slide, for the impact is arguably greater for them compared to us.

Win the game and we'll get out confidence back. Lose the game and we're back to the drawing board (together with a growing sense of frustration that we're getting too predictable so long Cristhian "not an Arnie" Stuani remains out wide). For the Hammers, losing the match means running the risk of getting hammered in the long run. Period.

With that, allow me to ask some damning(?) questions.

Question 1: Chambers and Hardy

Yes, I know Chambers and Hardy sounds a bit like Drew & Napier or Ernst & Young. Rest assured I'm not out to make anyone famous even though I may be unofficially famous globally now. I've got a problem last weekend, it has got nothing to do with Le Professeur X smiling like a Russian (supermodel) tennis player currently on the banned list. My problem was with Calum "Klopp shoved him into the gas chamber" Chambers. What Señor was thinking by starting him alongside Ben "Le Prince" Gibson in the central defence, I don't know. While I've got no problem with likening Señor with Cao Cao (not fictionally speaking, but historically speaking), I've yet to become his Guo Jia. Enough of talking crap lest Private Ryan Shawcross has something to say again.

The inclusion of Chambers to me was like Señor doing a Jeff "not Matt" Hardy (or even a Rey "619" Mysterio). Which is anti-Señor, no matter how I look at it. His strategy hinges heavily on stability and stabilising the match before knocking a goal (or hopefully two) past the opposition. At the same time, the central defensive partnership should be one not to tinker with. I truly doubt the likes of Rafa "not Nadal" Benítez and Claudio "a new Julio-Claudian dynasty?" Ranieri would have been that foolhardy.

The writing was already on the wall, Chambers may not have the mental strength to play centreback. In fact, I'd prefer to see him at rightback. The reason why being a particular horror show put up by Le Professeur X against RoboKlopp's RoboKops. It wasn't pretty, the defence was non-existent. I don't have to tell you who started as one of the two centebacks. It doesn't even come 10% close to this famous scene, I can assure you.

We had a nightmarish 1st half against Spurs, I wouldn't be surprised if Señor missed his Swanton Bomb (at least missing the 619 doesn't mean you'll get injured by default). However, there's more than just fair bit of silver lining in the clouds. In the second half, we improved (not so much tactically, I'll get to that part later). In fact, Chambers redeemed himself in front of the home crowd when he pulled off the impossibru. After all, it's not every day that a centreback can deny Son "officially the Korean son(ny) of a gun" Heung-min a scoring chance. A pity it couldn't be better.

So should we be seeing Chambers being pushed into the gas chambers once again, this time in enemy territory? Chambers is a good lad with ability, I'd have to give him that. But his mental strength leaves a lot to be desired. It's a bit like Southgate the gaffer (note: NOT the player or even the skipper). Tactically astute, yes. Good in man management, no.

Question 2: The correct Traoré and the correct Rey

Do not be misled by your ignorant neighbour, S'porean or no S'porean. While Mexico exists both as a nation and people (not to mention possibly a form of Maserati as well), believing there's a Mexcian language is like believing Heather Chua to be an actual Heather Chua (not to mention whether it's perfectly fine for local ladies to marry down)

The tactical turning for us against Spurs came when Adama 'not Djimi" Traoré came off the bench and flew off the blocks. Why I say tactical because while he's no Djimi Traoré, he's no Cristiano "I speak only Portuguese, not Brazilian" Ronaldo or Lionel "I mess with the opposition" Messi  as well. Traoré roasting 3-4 white blokes in a row is a surreal sight to imagine. Period. It's like Rey Mysterio winning the Royal Rumble N ages ago.

I tweeted a tactical tweet last week. Basically, it's locking down the right side so that Mauricio "poached by Jewtown" Pochettino would be forced to commit his attacking resources down the centre. The reason why being that I doubted we had the quality to spread out our defensive net. Might as well focus on one end, so that it's easier for us to know where the danger will be coming. The only problem? When I say right, I'm referring to the Spurs' right, not ours. Which means restricting the right midfield out wide in order to force that Korean son of a gun to cut in instead of giving him the luxury to make decisions.

Either way, Traoré roasting the opposition merely means Señor managed to set down an effective groundwork for this to happen.

Which now comes to possibly the greatest question of the next 90 mins. Will the correct Traoré please stand up? After all, he still needs to work more on his final pass.

Question 3: Sideways and backwards

A lot of disgruntled fans are now asking "Karanka why u no pass the ball forward?"

The answer to this question lies in a lack of penetration out wide. By sticking the wrong Uruguayan out wide, it's a no-brainer to see Stewart "they're all gonna down him out wide" Downing struggling on the left. No pressure from us means giving pressure to Downing. He no longer has the legs to carry himself forward. Come to think about it, not even the correct Rooney can run up and down like some wingback during the glorious days of the late Sir Alf Ramsey.

Which now comes to which player is gonna start out wide on the right. Let's not talk about whether a two striker system will work until the right end of the width gets fixed.

My advice to Señor? Because I do not have much time left, I need to keep this short and succinct. Slaven "the Slavic trolling god" Bilić will want to set out his midfield to start a fight in the middle 3rd. He will want to make us cede possession via the attacking 3 behind the lone striker so that the Hammers can hammer our four by two. We must not give them the space between our back 6 and front 4. Their back 4 will be on standby alert, a central approach means a certain death. However, the moment their midfield fall back means we have a chance to seize vital ground. I don't dare to predict a 2-0 win or even a 2-1 victory. It's gonna be a cagey match, the entire 90 mins will be focused on the middle 3rd. Let's no think so much about Dimitri "a Frank, not some Slav" Payet first. Yes, he's undergoing an Euro hangover. Yes, he's capable of things with the ball so much better. But still, football can be a very simple sport at times. 20 players (minus the 'keepers) chasing the ball, only thing is that none of them are Teutons (so as to speak).

Double shot fatality...

Recently, I realised the devs have upped the difficulty of epic Demogorgon. In the past, you can breeze through the stage so long your party got a (clever) tank (having a healer helps, but it's more of a bonus). This time round, Goristro received a massive upgrade in defence and HP. This time round, soulforged effect won't bail you out. It's both frustrating and interesting at the same time. Frustrating because you can't have things your way now. Interesting because this current epic Demogorgon is now far more of a challenge instead of just another muscle memory workout.

I'll blog my personal experience for the upgraded Demogorgon, but not here.

So why double shot fatality?

Because Demogorgon says so. Or rather he does so. During our last home game, we got our very first double shot fatality. Against Everton, it's like getting a double shot fatality together with 5 minor wounds upon respawn. Sounds familiar? If so, then it means you know what I'm talking about for the new epic Demogorgon.

Proof of the sandwich?

They say the proof of the cake lies in eating it. I say the proof of the sandwich lies in the patty. If I told the veggie burger at McDonald tastes good, it doesn't mean you should believe me even if you're a vegan. You'll have to taste the patty to know whether this Singaporean omnivore is lying or not (ato be honest, the veggie burger tastes nice).

My brain is now running low on oxygen now no thanks to countless late night blogging ever since April 2012. I can only blame my nation and the entire world for putting me under the global limelight. Period.

So what does this mean?

It means I'll most likely be writing shorter posts in the future (provided that my OCDP side won't act up again).

Back to the sandwich...

When Mauricio "poached by Jewtown" Pochettino first cut his teeth as a football manager, it was after Nigel "Adkins' footballing diet" Adkins got sacked as manager of Southampton. One of, if not the trickiest thing lies in getting out of relegation. The team wasn't winning enough matches, too many other teams knew what the Adkins' diet was all about. Long ball tactics are like the protein you'd find in meat. Important, yes. The only important thing, no. If long balls are like protein, then scoring goals will be that more vital carbohydrate. So long the strikers are not getting goals, being a draw specialist will see you relegated. Not to mention losing matches along the way.

Pochettino's job is to fix what went wrong, not what went right. The initial period of his stewardship was like that of Aitor "El Calvario" Karanka when he first took over from Mogga. The direction was anything but the same. The process was equally excruciating. Yet, Pochettino managed to turn around a dressing room low on morale. If both he and Adkins were on the same footballing diet, then it's only natural for us to say "no big deal". Problem is, Pochettino's footballing brain is quite the opposite of the Adkins' diet. Ultimately. Southampton survived the drop. That's only the beginning.

Come the next season, Southampton had gotten harder to beat progressively. At the same time, the Saints were scoring for fun. While at the south coast, Pochettino favoured a 4-3-3 approach. So how did this system work exactly? Why was it that the Saints could score for fun while keeping things tight at the back 4 teh lolz? Let me draw you a simple diagram.

^Attack^

Midfield

v v v v

^ ^ ^ ^

Defence

Basically, I'm using the v/^ as the arrows. Above diagram is how the stereotypical compact XI works. The firing squad will be miles ahead of the rest while the midfield and defence bunch themselves together. While this strategy is the standard defend-from-the-deep fare, it must also be stated that upping the offensive line is tactically possible.

Attack

v v v v

Midfield

^ ^ ^ ^

Defence

Above is most likely Pochettino's strategy for Southampton. By forcing the defence to play higher up, there's no need for the midfield to run up and down like a crazy Rooney. At the same time, the midfield can be afforded the freedom to control the match. So long the defence didn't screw up, everything's fair game for the midfield. However, there's also a need to protect the middle 3rd so that opponents won't prevent the midfield from playing the ball forward. This is where the offensive line comes in. By compacting the midfield via the defence and attack, there's no need for the midfield to fall back. It's like making a sandwich. You only need to place the patty in between two halves of the loaf. No need to think whether the patty should be nearer to the lower half or the upper half.

This is where the genius of Pochettino shone. It's actually a simple strategy. Something which not many football managers can think of.

From the prawn sandwich in the south coast to the beef sandwich in London

Sure enough, Daniel "the Jewish" Levy came knocking by. The Spurs back then was reeling under a major crisis. If you think it sucks to be a Gooner, think again. At least Les Gunners won the league before. At least Les Gunners have a history of playing Champions League football. If there's any reason for a north Londoner to be a fan of the bottle, it'd be the White Hart Lane.

Again, same old story. It took Pochettino some time to steady the ship. While the Spurs bottled it once again last season, the fans have seen enough to be optimistic in the long run.

Fast forward to this season and the Spurs are now looking more of a contender than a pretender (something which the Spurs fans would remind the Gooners happily). On the first glance, Pochettino is the master of attacking football. In reality, he's a manager who advocates the necessity of defence. In this sense, he thinks more like an Adkins than an AVB.

In Southampton, the south coasters hailed Adam "his passing cuts deeply like a hot knife through lasagne" Lallana and the much lesser known Jay "not Mr Chou" Rodriguez as the creative heroes from the south. While Lallana and Rodriguez are quite different players (Lallana is more of an Iniesta while Rodriguez is more of a Messi), the common ground between the two lies in the kind of energy lasting longer than a Duracell bunny. In other words, it's called running up and down non-stop. However, it doesn't mean this dynamic duo would have to run from one end of the 4-3-3 to the bottom end of the same 4-3-3 by default. It's called running smart. All they had to do was to compact the midfield without the middle 3 over exerting themselves.

Come the White Hart Lane, nothing much was changed apart from the formation tweak. By adopting a 4-2-3-1, however, Pochettino now has the tactical luxury to move the midfield movers around. The thing with Southampton's 4-3-3 lies in the opposition knowing which part is the bun and which part is the patty. Under the 4-2-3-1 system, it can easily go 4-3-3 or 4-1-4-1. If Pochettino feels like it, I won't even discount a 4-5-1 or 4-4-2.

Before I start touching on Pochetinno's tactical fulcrum, this Descendant of the Son deserves a bit of mention. With Harry "yet to become a goal hurricane" Kane out injured, the most likely candidate for the centre-forward role would be Vincent "not van Gogh" Janssen. While it remains to be seen on whether he can justify his status as "more than just a blind man's Kane", the more important question lies in who will play in the hole 9. As a player, Kane is more of a Filippo "born this way" Inzaghi than a Rooney. Hence, what he needs most as a player isn't some kind of modified English cannonball. He's a player who collects the ball and shoot. It's that simple.

While I'm pretty sure Son "Descendant of the Son" Heung-min won't get the nod ahead of that tactical fulcrum for the hole 9 position, it'd still be quite intriguing to guess whether he'll start the game out wide. By Korean standards, Descendant of the Son is truly one son of a gun. I don't really remember any Korean footballer boasting both tactical versatility and technical finesse on his level. This guy can just play anywhere across the offensive line. Traditionally, Japan has always been that ichiban powerhouse in Asian football. The technical level boasted by the Japanese shouldn't be taken lightly. In the last 10 years or so, however, the Koreans from the south have been closing ground with the tenacity of Park "the kimchi man" Ji-sung. In fact, South Koreans have been known for their competitive streak. You can pretty much see it from the way they live out their patriotism. Plenty has been spoken about patriotism in China and Japan. More needs to be said on the Koreans (of course a competitive streak will always go two ways).

If Descendant of the Son starts the match tomorrow, it'll not be as a second striker behind Janssen. Pochettino's brain doesn't work this way. Remember folks. There's not much difference between a prawn sandwich in the south coast and a roast beef sandwich in London. Both are still sandwiches, kimchi or no kimchi.

Note: I realised we do not have much luck with the Koreans from the south. Those from the north, maybe. But that's during 1966. Kim Il-sung was still alive and kicking back then. Last time I checked, Lee "finally a Lee who is not a dragon" Dong-gook was an abject piece of business. Last time I checked, Park "not the 대통령" Shin-hye earned her bragging rights over yours truly. Apparently, I wasn't on Twitter when Lee "why so many dragons surname Lee?" Chung-yong came off the bench.

Above player is an indication on where Pochettino's tactical fulcrum lies. Namely Dele "says hello" Alli. When we talk about British comedy, a few titles come to mind. We have Mr Bean and Johnny English. Then we have The Black Adder and Allo 'Allo!

Of course if that's not enough, we have the Three Pussy Cats.

Understanding Alli as a player is like understanding Adele as a singer. As a singer, Adele boasts an impressive vocal range. As a footballer, ADele boasts an impressive stamina. As a no.10, ADele's strength lies in pushing up the offensive line. Unlike Paul "Le Chevalier Noir" Pogba, however, Alli.D is more aggressive in getting forward and less on dictating the tempo by holding down play. In fact, there's a reason why Moussa "not some black mousse" Sissoko is favoured on the right.

Alternatively, we may end up seeing Alli.D on the bench instead. The reason why? This guy below.

My note to Señor? Basically, just watch out for the upper half of the bun. Pochettino's strategy hinges heavily on two dynamic wide attackers defining the offensive line. This is also why Alli.D can be afforded the license to kill with impunity.  At the same time, the fullbacks can also bomb forward at times due to Pochettino favouring a ball anchor approach when it comes to the attacking three behind the striker. The patty lies in the central midfield triangle, but it will be the top half of the bun which will bring out the best of the patty. If we can't find a way to breach Pochettino's four by two, it doesn't mean the end of the world. If we can find an effective way to breach the three-man wall behind the lone striker, Pochettino may easily start sweating. Easier said than done? You bet.

P.S: Brain half-dead now. Need to sleep.

A tale of two Ronalds

Tomorrow, we'll be facing the toughest test yet this season. At the same time, a blockbuster 90 mins will feature on TV later on.

Correction: The match is now underway.

Add note: In other news, I realised to my shock that perhaps my beautiful housebreaker isn't the only belle dame having a crush me. *shrugs*

Before I get started on the correct Ronald...

Let's talk abt Chelsea vs Liverpool, blue vs red. Two teams (tactically) high on momentum, they say football can be a simple game due to 20 blokes chasing the ball ('keepers don't count b/c they don't do their own box to box running. Well at least sorta not...). I'm pretty sure this will be one of those moments where every footballer is a closet German in the same way I have always been that closet Jew in school.

Firstly, let us see what has changed for Chelsea for the better. When José "no longer O Especial?" Mourinho arrived come the second time round, there were no danger signs of the so-called third season syndrome. Fast forward to right now and Feyenoord had just given Utd an atomic wedgie.

Then let us see if there's any semblance of Brendan "not Fraser" Rodgers' Liverpool in Jürgen "RoboKlopp" Klopp's version. On the first glance, we're reminded of Die Schwarzgelben under his stewardship. After all, it's gegenpressing and not possession football, right? Wrong. A look at the current XI would have given us a glimpse on how the current midfield works. While in Germany, Klopp favours a more systematic 4-2-3-1 with Kagawa "the Tokugawa Ieyasu of football?" Shinji playing the role of your stereotypical East Asian. If you still don't know what I'm talking abt...

Unlike the previous model which enabled Shinji to cut in from anywhere behind the firing line, Liverpool still retains a fair bit of Rodgers' image. While a lot of us enjoy making fun of Rodgers in terms of his strategic and tactical whatever, one thing still stands out: the ability to control the match via a dynamic midfield system. Judging from the current middle 3, I won't put it past this current Reds changing only the way their firing line works. And it doesn't help the opposition that Klopp is a Pep in ways more than one. In other words, false 9.

As for Chelsea, one thing consistent with Antonio "Il Bestia" Conte is his width philosophy. Doesn't matter if it's 3-5-2, 4-2-4, or 4-1-4-1. The consistency lies in two wide players pushing forward and tracking back. It's far from the classic fish and chips' English fare though. The wide players are meant to control the tempo more than anything else. So long you can't breach the Great Wall of Rome, you can't do a thing to the whole of Rome itself. By adopting a 4-2-3-1>4-1-4-1 system, Conte is addressing the problem with the backline. Namely John "score or else *insert your girlfriend's name* gets it" Terry no longer scoring honours on a consistent basis. With N'Golo "no vulgarities pls" Kanté as the rock of the team, it means breaking down the current Blues may easily be more difficult than breaking down your stereotypical Azzurri XI more than 10 yrs ago.

And now a tale of two Ronalds...

I can understand why my fellow Boro-thers in arms are still feeling disappointed. We drew against 2 teams arguably better than Alan "Pt Deux or Pardiola?" Pardew's Palace. That was until I realised Steve "Le Imba" Mandanda signed for the same team which brought us the pretty cheerleaders like this one below.

We got done in by two moments of screw up. Period. However, it must also be noted that Wilfried "fried by my ex(boss)" Zaha was most likely frying George "still our BFF" Friend non-stop.

I still remember a Ronald (or some name like that) during my secondary school days. I tried borrowing the last volume of the Yu Yu Hakusho manga from him. He refused. Others asked the same thing, he agreed. Quite obviously I was gutted. To quote the Godslayer and Brand the Rivan Warder, "Me? Why me?" Ofc it wasn't until N years later that I realised where things went wrong. In short, it had never been my fault for being the only Jew amongst the rest (figuratively ofc).

The reason why I highlighted this fact is very simple. The Records of the Three Kingdoms (i.e. the actuial history, not the novel) actually implied that Fa Zheng did have a memory of an elephant. That's why he couldn't be trusted with absolute power.

Chen Shous's appraisal of this guy was that "an opportunistic and exceptional planner capable of effective counter-measures at every turn".

[法正著见成败，有奇画策算]

Funnily enough, it seems that things happen whenever I failed to appear in Twitter to post my live tactical tweets. Against Fulham, we lost while I slept. Against Palace, we lost while I was away.

Ronald Koeman or a Ronald McDonald

Everton has hit the ground running so far. Which is quite a feat given the defensive mess which indirectly caused Roberto "not Mancini" Martínez to take over the Siege Perilous of Belgium. When Mauricio 'poached by Jewtown" Pochettino was,.. well, poached by the richest (?) Jew in (north) London, Southampton turned to Ronald "not a McDonald" Koeman. I still recall his first match in charge, that was against Liverpool under Rodgers' midfield philosophy. What took me by surprise was Nathaniel "the solo Bonny and Clyde" Clyne roasting Alberto "maybe he should play higher up" Moreno for fun. Fullback versus fullback, an attacking fullback versus a defending fullback. Koeman's adventurous strategy took me by surprise since there's no way for even a prophet to predict the manner of Rodgers' downfall from that day onwards.

When Pochettinno decided to switch the Earl Grey tea from the south coast for the Cappuccino from London, he left behind a stable squad never short on the defensive end. Koeman merely reinforced the fact that all cynics should just eat their words.

During the first few matches, Koeman adopted a funny 3-4-3 formation. If this sounds eerily familiar, that's because Martínez already did that while at some small English town more famous for the rugby and pies. Make no mistakes about it, Koeman's mission was to plug the leakage. However, he chose not to use the conventional back 4 system which has served many a successful team so well (read: even Barcelona adopted a back 4 system).

By playing a middle 4, Koeman was taking a risk. It's like telling Clyne to do his own Bonny and Clyde solo against Moreno. And guess what? It actually works.

Recently, however, Koeman adopted a more systematic 4-2-3-1. Against Sunderland, the lads in blue brought with them their blitzkrieg lawn mower. Unlike Winston Churchill, David "I got hot daughter like Mr Bean" Moyes had no answer to the blitzkrieg lawn mower. In particular, the timing of Romelu "the black Romulus" Lukaku's goals is quite intriguing. I won't call it a triple smash and grab, it's not as if we're talking abt Triple H winning the match against the odds by using his signature weapon. While Lukaku's resurgence in form resembles a Romulus hitting a comeback trail, it must be stated that this merely confirmed what I've suspected abt the other Ronald all the while. Unlike his predecessor(s), he favours a direct wing play approach. Against Liverpool last time round, Clyne was able to push up because Rodgers insisted on a high block control approach (wow, I really sound like the man himself lol). Against Sunderland, Moyes took the wrong move by giving the wingers too much time and space with the ball. As a result, Lukaku was able to wear down the Wearsiders like Gaius Julius Caesar hammering the Gauls for fun.

Because Koeman's job was to fix what is broken, therefore there's no point for him to supplant the previous regime when it comes to the goals. He merely modified what worked for Toffees last time round. Period.

So how does Everton do it? I mean scoring like George "Best of the best in Belfast" Best while defending like JT.

Quite contrary to what the late Sir Alec Guinness (and his iconic role of a Jedi martyr) may be saying, Ross "pretty sure his bro nvr played in the NBA" Barkley is that midfielder I'm looking at. Initially a player with raw pace, good control, and a deceptively delicate balance, the one thing he lacked was the ability to pass the ball from the deep. This is not to say that he's a Paul "the apostle of Old Trafford" Scholes or Juan Román "the ball travels like a requiem" Riquelme. Rather, his job this season round would most likely be running back and forth minus the forward sniping style typified by a certain Japanese who departed from Old Trafford.

There's no point for Barkley to play like what he used to do under Martínez. Koeman's job is to fix what went wrong, not what went right. While his passing range is never good enough to play in a deep-lying position, at least it should be good enough to link up play to the attacking trio. In other words, there has to be a gap between Koeman's four by two and his three by one. If you think we can exploit the aforementioned space, it means you're dumber than you look by underestimating Koeman's intelligence. He's no Ronald from my past, he's no Ronald McDonald as well.

So what should we do, Señor?

My advice to Señor is very simple. Firstly, Sunlessland has taught us how NOT to play against the Toffees. Whatever we do, we better not play this deep. If we decide to play it safe like your everyday Singaporean, it means we're dead. This is a suicidal strategy, it's not even an Indy ploy. The only way for us to get something out of this match is to risk everything. Nothing less than a 100% risk-taking approach should suffice. This calls for camaraderie within the dressing room. If our BFF leftback screws up again, it doesn't mean he's a Lonesome George. Neither should he be as well. If anyone else commits a screw-up, just play Taylor "gone (swiftly) in 60 secs" Swift's Shake It Off.

We have to take the fight to the attacking trio behind the black Romulus. The moment we allow them to run riot, we're dead. And I don't mean running riot in the final third. That'd be too late.


P.S: I realised that girls might be better than guys after all when it comes to calling the bluff. Just a random rambling from yours truly here.

It's clear to see, it's black and white...

Inspired by this vid, this has got nothing to do with the Geordies or just about any barcodes team like Juventus and West Brom. Rather, this is about the greatest grudge match in recent sporting history ever since Maria "hibernating supernova?" Sharapova got herself into a 2 year fix (after all, women's tennis isn't just about Sports Illustrated despite us men coming from Mars). Before that, however, I find the need to address tomorrow's match between the north and south. Namely...

Before I start running the risk of getting into trouble with my future girlfriend and her BFFs (not to mention her family members especially her mother), let me just explain that above image was that of a Crystal Palace cheerleader. To have a better understanding about what I'm trying to say...

If you can't understand Chinese, it's okay. I'm pretty sure my beautiful legal housebreaker is a Singaporean Chinese just like me. I'm not really a Han Xin because I don't wear the shirt. I'm not so much of a Xiao He because my current workplace is SGH, not Middlesbrough Football Club. I'm more of a Zhang Liang for a reason.

I tweeted that Mark "not Maes" Hughes planning to lure us in and hit us on the counter when he introduced Joe "has never played like a girl" Allen. Outcome? 1-1, draw.

I mentioned what David "I got hot daughter" Moyes may be planning beforehand. Outcome? 2-1, win.

I mentioned strangling possession via our back 6 when WBA was threatening to overrun us all over the park. Outcome? 0-0, draw.

Unlike Xiaxue's blog, I won't say everyone is reading my stuff.
This journalist for Evening Gazette chose to read my stuff.

Let's simplify this...

After all, they say simplicity is the hallmark of a genius. Whether I am really one, however, remains to be seen. I admit I'm instinctively inclined towards excellence in literature, but that's all. After looking at the two teams playing more like us (namely WBA and Bournemouth), I discovered a seeming case of strategic inconsistency. I looked at Alan "will it be Pt Deux?" Pardew's formation for these two matches. Both were as different as day and night. It took me like around 5 mins to discover a consistency behind the seemingly inconsistent. Namely this crystalline bloke below.

In reality, Pardew's dancing. Seemingly, he's attempting something like this below.

Okay, I admit that's my own way of making amends over my indiscretion at the beginning of the post. After all, I'm pretty sure my beautiful legal housebreaker is a Chouder. Let's continue...

In case you're still too thick to realize the hidden danger man, I'm referring to Jason "JASON... PUNCH!!!!!!" Puncheon. He's not exactly Saitama of the One Punch Man fame, but still nevertheless dangerous. Capable of playing either out wide or in central mid, the most absurd aspect of his game lies in being deployed in the holding mid area. Sounds dumb? My guess is not.

There has to be a methodology behind Pardew's seemingly Pt Deux approach. Namely the ability to cover ground box to box. My friend Eric once mentioned that there are two ways to cover ground at full throttle. Either it's by acceleration or pace. Pace is all about consistently running up and down. Basically this was how the late Sir Alf Ramsey won the World Cup a year after my country achieved independence. Then we have acceleration where players like Steven "not Lim" Gerrard used to do as a hot-blooded Scouser. Puncheon's running game is possibly that of acceleration where the distance covered in one shot can be greater than running the same distance via sheer pace.

As a holding mid, Puncheon can do one of three things: holding down the ball, crossing the ball, running off the ball.

In the event where he's playing out wide, it means we'll most likely see Yohan "Le Kebab" Cabaye. Oh wait, he's not gonna do a kebab pass against us tomorrow. Which means Pardew will be looking at another player who can fill in Cabaye's role of the kebab man.

Lee "why so many dragons named Lee?" Chung-Yong is Pardew's best bet of assuming the kebab role. I still remember the past days where I frequent the arcade at Parco Bugis Junction. Not only did I eventually learnt how to game like pseudo-pro (something which contributed to my current gaming days with Neverwinter), I also remember that attractive Taiwanese girl and Dongdaemon store which sold stuff like Korean kebabs. More specifically, I'm referring to the beef bulgogi kebab, not the Taiwanese girl. Long story short, let's see if Pardew will make an absurd decision. For the weekend, let's just assume I'll be Park "not the 대통령" Shin-hye's enemy. After all, I can (?) promise you all that Arylos' relationship with Korey is... well (hopefully) complicated.

As for Wilfried "previously fried by his (ex)boss" Zaha, it remains to be seen whether he'll start. However, I'm very sure Andros "Stuart" Townsend will start. This lad possesses the necessary qualities to be an orthodox out-and-out English winger (read: hitting teams on the counter and running back on a consistent basis). I won't say that he's a King Elessar, but at least he's decent enough to be Halbarad. And yes, I know the other Townsend got screwed in the casting of Arwen Undómiel's humble BFF (read: NOT Best Friend Forever mind you).

My note to Señor? Whoever the ones forming the firing squad. While Puncheon is more than capable of delivering that Saitama punch, most likely it'd be the athletic duo of Connor "the MacLeod standing behind" Wickham and Christian "the living Bentley Continental GT3" Benteke. Either that or it's a telepathy game between one Benteke GT3 and the other. Let's see who is more daring. At the same time, whether Mathieu "quite a bit of a Debuchy" Flamini plays will have a certain bearing on how the 90 mins will pan out.

And now it's all black and white...

The greatest match in the history of Manchester. Indeed hell hath no fury like a genius scorned. Let alone two. In the form of José "O Especial" Mourinho, the United half of Manchester has the closest personality to the legendary Sir A.Fergie in terms of man management. In the form of Pep "El Genio" Guardiola, the City half of the city of Manchester has the smartest idealist in the room.

Already, neutrals are most likely waiting with bated breath on whether history will repeat itself despite claims from both special geniuses that a grudge match won't be on the menu.

To set the record straight, you don't have to understand Spanish to realize the absurdity behind the sequence of events. Heed my advice, do not ask any señorita whether she knows what's a pito. I assure you the cops will be mobilized in 60 secs. Hell hath no fury like a señorita insulted. Confirm plus chop together with double affirm.

Black and white brigade

When it comes to the Manchester derby, it's not just about the GBP spent. It's also a battle of between Irish aggression and Greek tenacity.

For every Gáe Bolg, there must be a Rho Aias. In quite a literal sense, this will be a battle between two black and white brigades.

First up, John "either a rock or waiting to be stoned" Stones. Let me be this brutally frank. My first impression on him was anything but impressed. In his first international outing, he ignored Gary "a different Cahill" Cahill's instruction to defend a set piece. The logic is very simple. As a centreback, defending a set piece is a fundamental rule not meant to be broken. But hell no! Stones just wanted to be a hero like Rooney! I don't care whether it's Rooney or Stones. If you want to be a hero, you better not make a martyr out of even the least of your teammates. Let alone one like Harry "yet to become a goal hurricane" Kane.

If you can't be bothered to understand the basic fundamentals of being a centreback, it means you're not suited to be even the least amongst Mourinho's signings. Period. However, all wasn't lost for Stones. Mourinho is one thing, Pep is quite another ball game altogether.

Mourinho doesn't have time for players hell-bent on doing things their way (e.g. Kevin "Der Brynhildr" De Bruyne and Juan "mata mata on the right" Mata). Likewise, he doesn't have much patience for late bloomers unless said late bloomers had already bloomed and currently in peak form.

As for Pep, he sees things in the longer run compared to Mourinho's more tactical approach. To the late bloomers, he's willing to give more than just a wee bit of leeway. To those hell-bent on doing things their own way, it depends on whether it's technique or just a problematic attitude. There's a reason why Joe "not the hitman" Hart was unceremoniously exiled to the land of Romans. There's nothing wrong with his technique, but something tells me that the past managers in blue had ruined him by indulging his ego. The only problem? He's not the late Steve Jobs. Pep is doing him a favour right now. If this talented Joe refuses to humble himself before the Romans, he's doomed to be known as just another Joe 50 years down the road.

As for Stones, it's quite possible he needs people to recognise his freedom of expression before acknowledging the authority before him. In terms of valuing the freedom of expression, Pep isn't Mourinho. In other words, the two of them are able to click like mentor and student.

At this point of time, Pep is learning quite fast the ropes of English football. Unlike the Iberian way of playing ball, the English are more partial towards building up play from the back. By combining Catalan craft with the English way, Pep may have stumbled upon a magic formula for consistency. If Stones goes up, the team goes up. If Stones falls back, the team should follow suit. If Stones get stoned, then the entire team gets stoned. Worst come to worst, Pep will be stoned like a criminal.

This is currently Raheem "looking more like the real Sterling pound for pound" Sterling's happy face. Currently, he's no longer high on the kind of stuff Joker gave to the Gotham City folks when Michael "Batman V Birdman: Wings of Justice" Keaton decided to take the black despite being a white (okay, I know that's a lame joke). Rather, he's high on the confidence Pep has given him. When Pep first arrived, my verdict was very straightforward. If even Pep can't reform him, no one else will. This lad does have the technical flair to cut the mustard on the international stage. Frustrating fact is that he couldn't be arsed to be consistent. This is not to mention that there's plenty for him to work on as a player. Depending on the individual, it means either a blessing or a curse. For Sterling, it's that darkest curse for England. With Sergio 'Izuna-Kun" Agüero currently MIA due to injury, O Especial nevertheless issued a warning to the Red Mancunians hoping for a surefire 1-0 win. As a proponent of the now famous false 9 system, only a moron would bank against Pep doing what he did best last time round. In Spain, his strategic decision to play Messi as a false 9 reaped massive dividends dwarfing even the wealth of El Dinero and his Galácticos del Proyecto. In Germany, Pep became the unsung hero when Joachim "Der Löwe" Löw decided to "plagiarise" the idea of using Thomas "Der Ninja" Müller during the World Cup tourney 2 yrs ago. A lot will hinge on who Pep will play upfront. Three options available: control and technique; pace and technique; pace and physique. Incidentally, Sterling actually played his better football during his twilight years at Anfield not as a wide attacker or attacking mid, but a false 9.

Firstly, I know this meme is a vulgar one. Secondly, this would be the reaction of the man himself should the damning question pop up. Period. Zlatan "I send entire nations and people into retirement 4 teh loz" Ibrahimović is quintessentially a genius. To understand a genius is to understand his brand of simplicity first. When he branded Pep as a spineless coward, it's most likely due to his anger towards Messi hoarding the central striking role he craved so much. As a player, he knew it's not Messi's fault. Rather, the problem lies in Pep's decision making. Therein lies the mentality of a genius blessed/cursed with the ego of the late Steve Jobs. Give him what he wants and he will galvanise the remaining starting XI into a winning XI. This is the hallmark of a world class player in terms of charisma. Yes, he's really damn selfish. Yes, his ego is the ego of Steve Jobs. In Freudian speak, it means...

1. Ibra=footballer's ID (his exquisite first touch and natural tactical awareness)

2. Ibra=Swedish ego (his passport)

3. Ibra=his own superego (self-explanatory)

In layman speak, ID is about the individual's identity while the ego is the main conscious. As for the superego, it's the subconscious. If I sound like either Sigmund Freud or Carl Jung, that's because I'm guilty of acting smart instead of being plain stupid.

Scarily enough, it's strategically possible to play him in Rooney's no.10 position should the latter gets injured. So long you give him what he demands, he will deliver what you want. And so much more. Position is not really an issue per se (unless you happened to be that Pep who insisted on using an orthodox no.9 out wide). To the haters, he's nothing more than that heartless Gilgamesh who ripped out poor Illya-chan's heart in the Unlimited Blade Works route of Fate/stay night. To the lovers, he's nothing less than that Broskander towering over his bros. Just don't ask me who should be that Archer.

One of the greatest mistakes in Sir A.Fergie's career could very well be letting Paul "Le Chevalier Noir" Pogba go (the other mistake being Gerard "my beloved has seen the light" Piqué released back to Catalonia). Either way, the frustrating thing about Pogba is that like Rooney, he still can't replicate his club form for his nation. Mourinho would do well to observe the way Didier "Monsieur Bleu" Deschamps does his man management. Not only that, he'll need some pointers from Antonio "Il Bestia" Conte. The irony behind the latter statement is never more... well, ironic.

A lot has been said on how Pogba's presence won't do even a penny's worth of contribution. In terms of ball distribution, there's Michael "he plays a pass blind like a smooth criminal" Carrick. In terms of hard running tenacity, there's Morgan "French bloke, last name sounds German" Schneiderlin. In terms of freedom in the midfield, Rooney is that indisputable choice for no.10. What Pogba can offer, however, is the ability to push up the offensive line while retaining the means of tracking back. This is quintessentially the Mourinho player more than any other individual in the squad. Mourinho will do well to remind him (and all) who's the boss, yet he cannot afford to emulate Deschamps' approach despite both the Monsieur and Senhor adopting a similar disciplinarian style.

Conclusion: For Mourinho, the fulcrum lies in the middle instead of the back. For Pep, it's all about the back rather than the offensive mid area. The hit squad will be key to winning the match, 'tis a no-brainer. What's not so much of a no-brainer lies in the individual fulcrum of the teams involved.The tactical irony cannot be any more apparent.

Pulis says "freeze!"(?)

One of the things I've learnt so far is this: Do not eat the chicken katsu sandwich meal from 4Fingers. It's really very tasty, but also very damn filling at the same time. I never knew they actually fried the bread, hence the term chicken katsu sandwich. I had one for lunch, now I've yet to go hungry (and it's alrdy 10+ at night now).

Apart from 4Fingers, another thing of note is the death of ex-president S.R Nathan. I know plenty of Chinese (no matter where they are/come from) regard death as an obscenity (read: if it's a taboo, then you might as well treat it as an obscenity. Which makes Kelemvor as some kind of dog to my fellow Singaporean Chinese), but I can't find a better way to put it. I didn't grow up in an era where the Mossad may have contemplated assassinating Japanese terrorists. When a couple of KGB wannabes set off a bomb, I wasn't even an embryo. Suffice to say, those of my generation and later (generally speaking ofc) may have been quite detached from the life of that Tamil tiger (a compliment from yours truly, not to be confused with the LTTE from Sri Lanka). I'm not going to tell a lie by saying Mr Nathan has affected my life in a way some others have been affected by him (positively ofc!). However, I still believe that he deserves respect even after he is now no longer with us. The worst way to (dis)respect Mr Nathan has never been about any form of emotional detachment (unless you're perfectly fine in telling a lie to make yourself feel better). Rather, it's something like this.

Note: I'm pretty sure Mr Nathan wouldn't mind me saying that the ISD deserves recognition as well when it comes to prevention whenever the cure couldn't be found.

Add Note: Yes, I'd appreciate it if we all can spend a minute of silence here.

More add note: Above statement was done last night because today is Sunday.

With the prologue said and done...

Let's move onto Tony "Pulis says 'freeze!'(?)" Pulis. When Stoke decided to put this bloke into a sack, I thought the fans had gone off their rockers. This was someone who brought them up from the doldrums of ignominy, this was the guy who made the club stayed up unlike what Phil "not Black" Brown did with Hull (or pretty much 90% of the managers in charge of newly promoted teams). I have to say that while the current situation pretty much justified the sacking of Pulis, I still felt that he deserved much more than... well, just that.

Fast forward to now and it seems that he may have gone more than just a wee bit smarter. The funny thing abt English football lies in the fact that British football is the antithesis of Swiss tennis. Can you imagine comparing Sam "Big Uncle Sam" Allardyce with Roger "yes, I know his name sounds like 'retarded' in Chinese" Federer? What abt comparing Pulis with Stan "the 'WOW!' man" Wawrinka? Don't even try getting me started on comparing the national football scene in England with Martina "not to be confused with martini" Hingis or Belinda "tak benci" Bencic.

Then something went wrong. English tacticians are now trying to emulate the Black Prince instead of trying to be a Lionheart wannabe (ironically, I'm pretty Richard I was actually French since the Normans themselves were... well, French).

Traditionally, 4-2-3-1 was an obscenity because it's something made famous by some Johnny Foreigner. Def not a Johnny English hobby (read: knows no fear+knows no danger=knows nothing). For the English, it's either 4-4-2 or 4-5-1 with the occasional 3-5-2 (still remember Steve "not of McLaren" McClaren doing a 3-5-2 when he's still with us).

Then we start seeing them adopting this formation. Not only that, more noise was starting to be made when it comes to passing the ball like Paul "the apostle of Old Trafford" Scholes instead of just keeping the ball like Cristiano "I not from Brazil" Ronaldo. Apparently, Fabio "Pass the ball... pass the ball! PASS THE *BLEEP*ING BALL!!!!!!!!!!" Capello got his belated wish.

Injury crisis and proof that even the ppl at TNP are reading my blog...

I won't say that everyone is reading my blog(s), but I'm very sure more ppl of non-Singaporean nations are reading my stuff instead of a Singaporean majority for a Singaporean blog. Scarily enough, I started getting views from La République Française shortly after the conclusion of this yr's Euro. It's quite surreal in a sense that I don't know whether it's Didier "Monsieur Bleu" Deschamps, my cousin and/or the rest of her family members, or just some la demoiselle like this one below.

C'mon, you think this is for real?
I mean the girl, not the fact that there are really views from La République itself.

Why I'm suspecting the ppl at TNP are reading my stuff is very simple. All four TNP tipsters (i.e. Le Beng, Le Veteran, Le Expert, and La Chick) predicted the same outcome. Namely a draw. Seriously, are you four for real? We lost our BFF leftback to injury, we lost Fábio "not his bro" da Silva to injury, we're sorely pressed in the leftback position. And you all are still calling for a draw instead of a 1-0 win to the men of Hawthorns? To quote a certain Minister Tan Chuan Jin, I like to be your friend.

You wanna see a draw? Fine. I'll try going for a win. After all, I was the one who mentioned something abt a two man firing squad instead of a 4-3-3 last time round. Damn, why am I sounding like a certain Edward (not the Black Prince) here?

Note: No, I'm not gonna answer whether Leo Percovich is the same RL version of Alex Louis Armstrong or whether Mark Hughes is really Maes Hughes. Or even whether Señor is the RL parallel of Roy Mustang for that matter. But I can tell you the RL version of Winry Rockbell has yet to appear (even though I'm pretty sure she's there somewhere. Pretty sure I saw her somewhere in my workplace 4 yrs ago...).

Fish & Chips (football) vs Parmo (football)

When we talk abt fish and chips, we're reminded of the standard English worker's fare. When we talk abt the parmo, it's basically the Teesside version of fish and chips. Both represented the soul of community football, both can be very tasty if done the right way. Under Señor's stewardship, we're fast looking like a team of steel. Under Pulis' leadership, West Brom is now looking like a team of briars and thorns. This is not to say that we'll cut a swath through their territory. That's sheer nonsense because it took the French quite a long time to pull off a historic win over the Anglo-Saxons (hence the Hundred Year War)

When I talk up the Hawthorns as the homegorund for this team of thorns and briars, it means any opposition will run the risk of injuring themselves. When I say my beloved Boro is a team of steel, it merely refers to the armour rather than whether the sword is sharp enough (as the record currently stands, we're armed with steel maces instead of steel blades).

On paper, it's normal for the likes of Bernie "not Sanders" Slaven, Anthony "Untypically Yours" Vickers, and even Gary "you shall not pass (my park)!" Parkinson to say 3-5-2.

(note: quite contrary to the ignorant view, locked-in syndrome doesn't reduce your IQ unless you happen to be a deranged chimp abusing your OS and browser in the name of social media fame)

However, it's still strategically possible for Señor to play a back four as always. One of the greatest traits of a master tactician/strategist has never been about maximising limited resources. Rather, it's converting the disadvantage of limited resources into an advantage. It's not only abt the players and positions up for grabs, but rather what kind of football the opposition is playing. I know this sounds like footballing alchemy, Trust me when I say it's no rocket science. We still got Emilio "will he become Emilio Stue?" Nsue and Antonio "will he be another son of a gun?" Barragán. I don't have to spell out for you the only back 4 combination available unless you're dumber than what you claimed yourself to (not) be. As for how the only combination available will work, it really depends on how many tactical tweets I'll give.

The fake Shearer once said these damning words: "it's clear to see, it's black and white". While it's truly damning for these Geordie boys, it must be stated that there's more than one barcodes team in the same way we're not the only team wearing Vincent "I want the red (Liver) bird, not bluebirds" Tan's lucky colour. Juventus happens to be the most successful barcodes team so far, West Brom is also a barcodes team (albeit they're Anglo-Saxons, not Romans).

As you can see, this is a black and white brigade. If you still don't know what I'm talking abt here, allow me to showcase my analytical skill (and hopefully getting the attention of the real Winry Rockbell as a result).

In Full Metal Alchemist, alchemy is an art of analysis. To analyse the structure, you'll need to grasp the most important details instead of trying to figure out the entire starting X (not XI because the 'keeper is called a 'keeper for a reason). Funnily enough, that's also how Archer and Emiya Shirou pulled off their common Noble Phantasm.

To analyse the structure, we must understand the nature of the back 4. I did a check on the fullbacks (after all, we're talking abt the Pulis philosophy). The sight of Jonny "neither the real  Johnny English nor the correct Snow" Evans reminds me of his days as a centreback. Ultimately, that propmted me to Google for Craig "unrelated to Michael" Dawson. Turned out that he's got a physique of a centreback. What this means is a compact flat 4 intended as the platform to launch lightning fast raids. However, there has to be added insurance. On the first glance, that'd be Darren "he's gonna fletch the artillery" Fletcher. However, there's another barcodes bloke named Claudio "first name in Latin, last name in Malay?" Yacob. That's where the interesting part comes because he's a defensive mid. So does that mean Fletcher will be doing a flat 2 CM game with Yacob? It depends. After all, it's the Pulis philosophy. Personally, I'd be more worried if Fletcher is to be that defensive attack dog. Sound like an oxymoron? Not really considering the possible movement zone. Def not the midfield attack dog b/c that'd imply a box to box play not unlike an ex-barcodes player of black ethnicity currently playing for Man Utd. Def not offensive as well due to the same logic. Fletcher's movement zone will most likely be centred around Yacob in order to create an effective break-up play.

As for Craig "unrelated to the most recent 007" Gardner, it depends on where he will hold down the ball. This is most likely Pulis' tactical key to playing the ball forward anywhere further than 12 yards out. At the same time, there's no telling how far he will run in order to take the fight straight to our final 3rd. Tactically speaking, Gardner is that most dangerous barcodes bloke.

Which now comes to the black half of the black and white brigade. Namely Matt "unrelated to Kevin" Phillips, Saido "English guy, last name sounds Brazillian" Berahino, and José Salomón "破滅への Rondón" Rondón. Okay, the statement on black ppl may have been a lie/mistake. Rondón is Latin American who hails from a nation renowned for winning the kind of competition which made Rebecca "not Loos" Lim (somewhat) famous. Either way, Phillips' movement either from the flank or behind the firing two would mean serious trouble for us. In order to facilitate disciplined freedom coming from the width, however, one must understand that there has to be an offensive ball anchor. Which means 007 Gardner most likely.

In form of Berahino and Rondón, we got two underrated strikers to take care of. Berahino may be overrated for now, but there's no telling whether Pulis was really pulling an argument out from his arse. As for Rondón, he'll most likely be holding down the ball like the stereotypical non-black centre forward (most likely the reason why Sunlessland broke their previous piggy bank for Steven "not Lim" Fletcher). If Berahino keeps misfiring like the late Ray Charles holding a gun (not that he'd commit a crime anyway since I'm pretty sure he's a law abiding black bloke cum a decent one as well), then the only barcodes team in the EPL will be in for a chronic one pointer syndrome. Hawthorns loyalists will surely agree with me when I say Berahino shouldn't call himself the Modern Day Football's Equivalent of the late Ray Charles. Not only would it sound too damn arse pompous, it's too cumbersome a title to be considered a serious one anyway. And this is not to mention Ray Charles did prove his worth as a genius on a consistent basis.

What Pulis will most likely do...

Pundits like the real Alan "Captain England" Shearer would surely predict a cagey affair given that both Pulis and Señor are renowned men of steel instead of some genius bat from Gotham (don't we all love the good ol' days even though Christian "not Gareth" Bale managed to redefine a role made famous by Michael "Batman versus Birdman: Wings of Justice" Keaton). However, it may possibly be a case of WBA taking the fight to us anywhere within the middle 3rd. I won't say expect plenty of action in the final 3rd, but maybe something like this in the middle park. Yes, we'd want to right some wrong called "playing craven at the Craven Cottage". So does the Hawthorns faithful as well. I can't say who will be the thorns and who will be the briars when it comes to the 11 men and the 12th man, but I can assure every of my Boro'ther-in-arms that WBA will be baying for blood as well. All for the same reason. Interestingly enough, Mogga used to manage them despite him being the better bloke for the Boro job than Gareth "still only a Beaumains instead of a Gawain?" Southgate. Ironically, I think Mogga condemned us to a relegation lasting 7 years. Which (sorta?) led to this and that. Not to mention Joey "I don't pass the baton, I only use it" Barton showering contempt on us last season. Ironically, he eventually chose to go north instead of staying south. The Clarets faithful must be worshipping Sean "def not a douche" Dyche by now due to the arrival of Steven "plays like four professional Stevens combined" Defour.

Yes, I know it's a big wall of text. If you can decipher what I'm saying, it means you're most likely either the correct Pulis or the correct Señor. Maybe even both.

My advice to Señor?

Same thing as what I'd say to Monsieur Bleu if I was his field strategist during the recent Euro. Namely mind the defensive gaps. You should know better than yours truly on where.

P.S; Gotta eat dinner now, mother making noise. I may not be a genius, but I believe I'm born with OCDP. Winry Rockbell, you've been warned. ;)

Running out of time...

Less than 2 hrs before our first derby of the top flight season. Hopefully, I can make it on time. If got spare time, I'll say something on the red half of Manchester.

A match of running men

It feels absolutely surreal to see a derby potentially dominated by 2 teams of 11, 20 running men in total. I saw the starting lineup just now. Apparently, David "I got hot daughter" Moyes decided to go tried and tested. When I first saw his lineup against the slickers from the city of Manchester, I was like...

4-3-3 is very anti-Moyes in the same way 4-5-1 is very anti-football. If only football is really that simple, the Germans would have won silverware not so long ago. Fabio "Il Bovril" Borini out wide? You kidding me? A 3 bloke midfield? You mad? It took me a fair bit of time (not to mention effort as well) trying to decipher this anti-Moyes strategy. Upon seeing his lineup currently, plenty of things make some sense.

Above 4 panel meme strip may easily be the summary of Sunlessland saga (no offence intended after the 90 mins) for the entire season. Why Jermaine "not de Foe" Defoe is not listed is very simple: the danger posed is both a case of common knowledge and common sense knowledge. Seeing Adnan "not Adnandos" Januzaj out wide reminds me of Borini out wide, seeing Fabio "Il Bovril" Borini behind Defoe reminds me of a direct approach every Scot is traditionally so fond of. Make no mistakes about it, Borini will be given far more freedom (and with that, more responsibility) than Defoe. Holding up the ball and driving play forward, Moyes is out to hit us in the jugular like Jackie Chinese instead of messing things up like Johnny English (coincidentally, the real Johnny English also has a hot daughter). Januzaj will be raring to go so long either two scenarios happen:

1. Borini able to stamp his mark upfront between Defoe and the middle 4.

2. The middle 4 (including Januzaj) keeping things tight, compact, and ball-retention friendly.

Ultimately, the forward two will be given more freedom than Januzaj given the freedom to visit AdNando's not unlike what happened in my homeland N ages ago. This is where Jack "the lightning rod" Rodwell comes in. Won't be surprised if he's gonna play lightning rod. To the woefully uneducated, the job of a lightning rod is to absorb the lightning. If this is not a job originally intended for Lee "has a temper like Bruce Lee" Cattermole, I don't know what else is. Moyes will need to play the ball forward asap, it's gonna be a classic break and counter vs break and counter. This is where we'll see John "O'Cap" O'Shea in full action like Captain America... erm, I mean Captain Ireland. I remembered this Irish lad cutting the mustard as a rightback (if I'm not wrong). As a fullback, you should be more than able to hoof the ball. Trust me when I say Ben "Prince Gibbo" Gibson used to do that until Señor benched him like a certain Muzzy (no racist/xenophobic jokes pls, we're talking abt a legit nickname).

So there you have it. Organisation 4 by 4, playing the ball out from a 4 man spine. We're in for a hard fight for a few reasons.

1. Derby matches don't follow common sense logic unless something catastrophic happens (something which happened before to Moyes' ex).

2. Moyes is a capable man motivator and taskmaster (not this taskmaster since that'd effectively make me a Deadpool).

3. Moyes is a master of tactical banking (nothing to do with the Bank of England).

My advice to Señor? Four by two. I don't have to tell you that Shylock was a Jew and everybody else in England hates us like a Jew. Especially Gastón "El Bestia Bello" Ramírez since I'm pretty sure he's officially singled out for the final solution treatment.

P.S: Wait, does that make me a closet Jew as well since people enjoyed persecuting me from Henderson Primary School to Gan Eng Seng School and all the way till ITE Dover?

Yes, I know who said "Heil Sunderland!" tyvm...