Stoking the fire...

Really sucks to be a Singaporean, eh? When it comes to our best three sporting events, it's all about table tennis, swimming, and water polo. For water polo, no news is bad news. For table tennis, we got taken to cleaners of every nationality. When it comes to swimming, Quah "will he be the first celebrity fan of Arylos and/or Aeravor?" Zheng Wen experienced a Titanic moment. As for Joseph "not a Stalinist Joe" Schooling,it's arguably even worse given the absurd media glare he received early in his career compared to his... erm, I mean our compatriots (i.e. I don't know which one is worse, Titanic or the Battle of Waterloo).

Either way, seeing this reminded me of  our Anglo-Saxon ex-bosses. Like England, we're currently obsessed over the two shiniest stars in the local sporting scene. Like Wayne "no longer a looney (hopefully)" Rooney and Harry "unrelated to the Lee family. Or Cable and Deadpool for that matter" Kane, our poster boys are in pole position for national martyrdom (I won't say St George incarnate because we're no Anglo-Saxons).

And speaking of the two heirs apparent to St George himself (I won't say Sir Galahad because Siege Perilous remains an empty seat. Whatever that means anyway lol), the new season is finally going to start its curtain raiser(s) this weekend. And with this...

What to expect this upcoming season...

Firstly, expect the unexpected. Maybe we will be relegated. Maybe we'll end up making Alan "Captain England" Shearer eat his words instead. In the mad mad world of money (foot)ball, the only thing more powerful than money is a genius in every sense of the word. Because I'm out to test my mettle against the best of the best, I'll never stop unless PM Lee orders me to do so. In other words, I need to confirm (and affirm) how far my natural brilliance can go.

Format of this post (and the subsequent ones if you get what I mean...)

I'll only be covering the matches for my beloved Boro. This is due to limited time and space available. I got a daily job, I also got other stuff to take care of. I'm no Gandalf, quite obviously I can't multi-task.

Ofc if I have time and space to spare, I'll talk a bit about other teams. Not necessarily the English ones, mind you.

And now for stoking the fire....

It's official. Boro is finally up after quite a bit of (Korean) drama and a marvelous civil war. We have Genjo Sanzo as El Jefe with his fellow companions, all that's left is the monkey boy. Before I continue, please allow me the excuse to up a random song. Don't blame others, blame my abnormal condition and Minekura "Saiyuki" Kazuya.

So long story short, what should we expect from Boro this season? I can only sum it up like the only(?) Arthurian geek in Singapore. The Battle of Camlann. Not only do we need to approach the season 90 mins by 90 mins, we must also know when to approach the season 1 month by 1 month. By the time we reach Christmas, we'll know whether it's better to approach the season 1 match at a time or 4 matches in a single go. Until then, Señor should just tell our lads that they've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. The moment they think prematurely that there's something to lose, we'll invite unwanted pressure. Definitely, we're not from north London. And I mean it in terms of player quality (albeit we all know Londoners from the north are fans of the bottle).

Evolution of Britannia

Currently named Bet365 Stadium, I really missed the old name. Same location, yes. Sadly, the most badass stadium name has entered the annals of Britannian history. Hopefully, Bet365 will be renamed the Bretonnia Stadium.

If every Potter Harry is a Bretonnian, that possibly makes us the Asrai and the Riverside a parallel to Athel Loren. We do not have a superior army in the same way the forces of Athel Loren can never go toe to toe against the rampaging knights of Bretonnia. Under Mark "not Maes" Hughes, #TeamPotterHarry has evolved into #TeamHarryPotter. Quite a remarkable about-turn for a team made famous by Tony "Pulis says 'freeze!'" Pulis. While only a drunken moron will bet against Ryan "he doesn't need to be saved" Shawcross doing a Ramsey tackle* on Gastón "not so much a Luke Evans, more of a knight" Ramírez, I firmly believe the lads at Stoke-on-Trent are now capable of playing far better than Pulis' fish and chips football last time round.

*In a weird twist of fate, my friend Ryan hit me with a rugby tackle 4 years ago because certain people were too damn high. Needless to say, I required a stay in the hospital like Aaron "neither a Sir nor Alf" Ramsey.

With players who would never make the cut under Pulis' wintry football, (Aaron) Ramsey's fellow Welsh have surely improved the team. Tactically, the standard is still there. Technically, the entire Stoke-on-Trent has never before seen far better days.

So what does this say about Hughes? When he first cut his managerial teeth at Blackburn, the signs were already there. This isn't some rocket science or zodiac mathematics. He truly displayed the makings of a good manager. Plenty have been said about Steve "bruiser of a player" Bruce being a good manager. But what about Hughes? Plenty of pundits may have favoured Bruce for the English job, but that's only because Hughes is a British instead of an Englishman. Let me be this brutally frank to those who disagree with me: Hughes is a far better manager than Bruce. In fact, only three players from Sir A.Fergie's era have gone on to football management (from my best of memory, that is). However, Hughes remains the only one who can make the cut (Roy "take that, you *bleep!*" Keane comes close due to a nation's heroics waiting to be immortalised by Irish bards high on the red ale. However, he has yet to convinced me totally).

If there's anything to go by from his ill-fated journey back to Manchester (albeit the wrong half of the city), it would be the fact that he couldn't handle massive egos way larger than the whole of Wales. QPR and Fulham represented an error on his own part. Fulham was a case of misplaced ambition, QPR was a repeat of history itself. The problem with Hughes when he's at the White City of London was simply the same factor that did him in during his crash-and-burn at the wrong half of Manchester. By purchasing high profile signings, he quintessentially signed a pact with the devil. If he couldn't manage the blokes hired by al-Dirham's... well, dirham, what makes us think that he could do the same with high profile egos hired by Tony "not from House Stark" Fernandes' ringgit?

At Stoke, he finally saw the light. The most dangerous players at his disposal right now were the ones no other mid-table teams (including Newcastle for obvious reasons) would(?) sign on the first priority basis. Proven, but unknown. The one thing which works for the Koreans (from the south) all the while is an insistence on the tried and tested. It's actually quite telling when it comes to their dramas (yes, I know all the rabid 사생팬 will crucify me for "insulting" their beloved Princess Deokman). Freak coincidence or not, Hughes' current success actually mirrors the reason why the Koreans (from the south) are so successful.

Players to look out for

Don't all the girls like their boys to be bad? More oft than not, genetic pedigree accompanies problematic antics. In French speak, we call this Le Enfant Terrible. In universal language, we call this Eric "Le Kungfu" Cantona. While I won't label Marko "Arnie of Stoke-on-Trent" Arnautović under the same tag as Joey "I have a baton, gonna use it instead of passing it" Barton, this bloke of Stoke is a potent force up front. Capable of playing out wide or as the orthodox centre-forward, pace and physical presence are his greatest weapons. A bit like Colossus, but definitely faster. It will be interesting to see where he will start this season. Starting with us, ofc.

Like his mate Arnie, Bojan "will he become another Captain Kirk?" Krkić packs a lethal shot. Not so much in terms of force and distance, but surely in terms of accuracy. Imagine a two forward system boasting a cloak (e.g. Heskey) and dagger (e.g. Cottee) approach. Won't put it past Hughres doing that.

The most dangerous bloke of Stoke we'll have to face. Definitely, the danger doesn't have anything to do with whether his Puma comment is capable of making horny guys having wet dreams of Belinda "tak benci" Bencic or just about any hot Swiss Miss. The danger lies in the capability of doing unpredictable things with the ball at his feet, it's truly a shame not to see him at his finest in this year's Euro (either that or he's unable to do it consistently). The Swiss are currently hitting a momentum started by the great Ottmar "der Blitzkrieg" Hitzfeld, there's no sign that the footballing version of Fed(erer) Express will be slowing down anytime soon. Like Vietnam more than 20 years ago, the Swiss were more used to being called the Swiss cheese of football rather than the Swiss Miss of football. 20+ years later, we're seeing Swiss football as another form of Swiss Miss.

Credit of creativity goes to yours truly, but credit of inspiration goes to Le Professeur X

Things need to be done

There's no point trying to get Xherdan "the Swiss Shaq" Shaqiri once he gets the ball. Either he'll beat the entire backline or he'll end up like the correct Ramsey (read: definitely not Gordon or Alf to say the least). Either way, we lose. The only way to mark this bloke from Stoke is to... well, not mark him at all. You all may think I'm crazy, but why should Señor be so stupid to fight in a battlefield in which he can't win? Up front, Stoke has plenty of blokes good enough to bamboozle the whole of Tyneside. If we think we're better than the Geordies under Shearer's leadership, we might as well commit harakiri before stepping onto the pitch. Make no mistakes about it. There are plenty of flair blokes at Stoke when it comes to firepower and creativity in the final third.

However, there's possibly an Achilles heel which we can exploit. Namely the central midfield. We have to grow some balls here, my fellow Boro-thers-in-arms. Balls of steel instead of balls of... well, whatever. When it comes to the four by two, we must be stingier than Shylock. As William Shakespeare had famously written in the Merchant of Venice, "Hath not a Jew eyes?"

Secondly, our firing squad has to get the game going. To grab the game by its balls. No fear given once we open up a massive gap between the firing line and defensive line. That's the only way to pin back their source of ammo supply. Yes, it's a risky throw of the die. Yes, I know this is me being anti-typical S'porean even though I'm born with a pink IC. Yet, consider this reality:

The moment they break and counter, we'll be in danger. The moment we let them boss the game by parking our very own Teesside bus in front of goal, it means we're giving the Swiss Shaq the licence to kill us off. Something not unlike Shaquille "the real Shaq" O'Neal had always done in the NBA.

Quite obviously, the real danger lies not in just one person. Then again, you all should get my drift by now.

If my guess is spot on, Hughes will be deploying a passmaster nearer to the back 4. Traditionally a role made famous by the likes of Xavi, Paul "the apostle of Old Trafford" Scholes, and Andrea "Il Gigante"Pirlo, Hughes now have two such players at his disposal. Prior to that new addition named Allen, there's already a Charlie (yes, I know there's at least one girl named Allen. Let's not dismiss him as "a sissy Joe" since he had acquitted himself well in Frankish territory). With Joe "will he command the field like Joe Stalin?" Allen available, Hughes would have one eye on the future and another on the present. I'll be damned though if he chooses to start Allen ahead of Charlie "not Brown" Adam.

If I am to be Señor's field strategist, I'd most likely highlight Hughes' choice of central midfield as the integral key to our very first win, loss, or draw. Either way, we'll have a chance of nicking a point in the event we're able to limit the blokes from Stoke to passing the ball through the flank instead of anywhere spanning from the left to right.

It couldn't have come sooner...

Indeed the grand finale could have never come sooner. France versus Germany, Les Bleus versus Die Nationalelf, the Frankish lords against the Teutonic kings. One is touted as the favourite, the other as the second favourite (which is first and second respectively is strictly a matter of opinions until the fat lady sings).

So what are the few things which we can/should/will expect?

If Les Bleus' penchant for self-expression is seen as a certain parallel to Corellon Larethian (after all, arts and craft are but only part of his portfolio), then the pragmatism embodied by Die Nationalelf is basically the parallel to the realism surrounding death (after all, we all know what Kelemvor stands for). Like the previous semi-final, this is a match between idealism and realism. Quite a bit like my characters' concept for the Neverwinter Six, this is a clash of personalities between the idealistic Cyrea Durothil (who happens to worship Corellon) and the realistic Arylos (who happens to be a Chosen of Kelemvor). Indeed the grand finale could have never come sooner.

Die Müller Rätsel

Otherwise known as the Müller conundrum (taken straight from Google translate no less), a lot has been said about him being a World Cup kerl instead of an Euro kerl. Fact or fiction? Let us consider the difference between one Müller and the other.

There's a very good reason why Thomas "the super mallet" Müller was scoring for fun 2 yrs ago. As the above 2 panel meme strip suggests blatantly, Pep was the reason. As if creating a false 9-centric system at his homeland of Catalunya wasn't enough, he decided to do the same with Bayern München. In the same way he redefined Messi the attacking mid, he also redefined Müller the attacking mid.

In other words, Müller is most likely the kind of kerl who truly thrives in the false 9 role. Ofc it doesn't really explain why he played so well on the right against Argentina in the grand finale 2 yrs ago. Barring the footballing equivalent of the Titanic (i.e. where Kate "hey, she's English!" Winslet survived and Leonardo "DiCapricious when it comes to super hot models" DiCaprio died much to the anguish of every idealistic local S'porean romantic), what this most likely means is this: European teams seem to have a higher tendency to close shop width to width unlike their Latin American amigos.

Assuming my conclusion was right after all... (barring the debate about myself)

What this means is that playing Müller on the right against shouldn't be a problem against the Franks. After all, I've seen the starting XI and it seems that Monsieur Bleu is out to control the width in order to stage a frontal assault on his Normandy. If only we have someone better, if not at least his equal in that role. Which now comes to this kerl.

I'll admit it straight. It sucks to be Obi-Wan Kenobi if you happened to be Ewan "not an ewok" McGregor instead of the late Sir Alec Guinness. Don't believe me? I got witness one hor!

If you're wondering why I'm talking abt football when the above statement was abt which Obi-Wan Kenobi is truly GAR, that's because my subject has always been Mario "not yet super" Götze.

Seeing him in the false 9 position was a nightmare. Capable of pulling the trigger, he doesn't seem to have the kind of tenacity Müller is known for. While it's ironic to know that (not so) Super Mario himself actually first made a name for himself under the watchful eye of Jürgen "#RoboKop #RoboKlopp" Klopp. Interestingly enough, his meteoric rise within the ranks of Die Schwarzgelben may easily be down to the presence of Robert "the Lews Therin Telamon of Dortmund" Lewandowski. With Kagawa "still scoring?" Shinji playing in hole 9, (not so) Super Mario's task seemed simple enough: occupy the left (or the right depending on your preference).

In other words, he has NEVER been in the false 9 role until the German Löw decided to throw him into the lone vorhut role. I may be wrong (as in [not so] Super Mario may have tried his hand in that dept), but it's accurate to say that Löw's gamble had spectacularly backfired. Because the negativity caused by S'pore's education system N yrs ago had created a schwein in yours truly, I decided to compare the German Löw's current false 9 strategy with this image below.

The German Löw and an English high...
Football is indeed an interesting subject to dissect.

So should (not so) Super Mario start as the false 9?

Seen the starting lineup sheet. For some funny reason, the Anglo-Saxon blokes at Sky chose not to up the formation list. It's almost as if they're fearing me doing something like this.

In other words, I can only hazard a guess. While the hole 9 and right side of the attacking mid are most likely a done deal, I truly hope that the German Löw will revert to what truly worked for the country 2 yrs ago.

Note: While the German Löw had undergone plenty of friendly fire over his decision to play an unorthodox 3-4-2-1 Christmas tree, it's quite likely due to his worry that Antonio "Il Bestia" Conte would try to suffocate the holding mid area. In other words, the Romans did have more than enough fuel in the tank to cripple the Teutons this way.

Add note: Most likely this wasn't the first time the German Löw tried playing with fire like Lisbeth Salander. 2 yrs ago, Mesut "Teutonic passport, still an Ottoman Turk" Özil became that guinea pig. Try recalling who the German Löw played out on the left lol.

Enough on the Teutons...

Let's talk about the Franks. Or rather what Monsieur Bleu did right in the previous match of 16. Against Iceland, he reverted to a 2 striker system. I once said before that whether/when Monsieur Bleu decides to play an orthodox 2 up front will go a long way in defining one nation's dreams and hopes. Prior to La Conquête d'Islande, my analysis turned out to be an accurate prediction due to the tactical value defined by Kingsley "the black Cimmerian" Coman's introduction halfway through. After La Conquête d'Islande, it truly seemed that great minds think alike. It's like Guo Jia's ending sequence in Dynasty Warriors 7 XL.

Unlike the Belgians, it's not as if Monsieur Bleu had stumbled upon a magic tactical formula halfway through. It doesn't matter whether he has secretly read this blog so far. Rather, he knew what he's doing. And he still knows what he's doing. The starting XI he put out is most likely the same hand he played against Lars "not from Tekken" Lagerbäck. In other words, Antoine "the white Henry" Griezmann will most likely play as an orthodox 2nd striker in the hole.

The story of La Conquête d'Islande can surmised in one tactical statement: 4-2-3-1 in name, 4-4-1-1 in reality.

By creating a stranglehold via Dimitri "the Frankish Depay" Payet and Moussa "he's no black mousse" Sissoko, the white Henry was given the license to roam and kill like James Bond 007. At the same time (that is if reports are to be trusted), it also brought out the best (?) in Paul "Le Chevalier Noir" Pogba. As in tackled less, shot more, ran equally much.

Monsieur Bleu has hit a tactical jackpot here where he managed to extract the best out of the best box to box midfielder and auxiliary striker in the République.

Ultimately, there's nothing to fear for the Frankish brigade. While it'd be stupid to assume the Teutons will have everything to fear, I prefer to see this match as a pulsating battle between two fearless XI descended from two fearless people (okay, not so much literally. Technically, yes).

Where the battle will/may be won

The space between the attacking 4 and four by two. Les Bleus will surely want to prevent the Teutonic knights from running amok just in front of their four by two. Ironically, that's most likely what Die Nationalelf will want to do as well when it comes to the Frankish cavalry charging forward.

Style wise, it's all about control and flair versus discipline and speed. The first touch of the ball is of utmost importance. The moment any fellow in the middle 3rd screws up on this end, that's it. Either 'tis au revoir or auf wiedersehen (depending on whether you're a local S'porean who understands French or a local S'porean who is based in Hamburg).

P.S: It can be quite frustrating at times when your own father doesn't seem to understand your own struggles despite your best ability to send blatant signs. I don't deal well with noise, I don't deal well with his complaints against just about any entity which happened to annoy him. There's nothing rational about the random nature of my mental tension. In fact, he should be notified of this. It's either his son is born a genius or a mere madman. I'm going to share this post twice. Once in public view, once with those whom I can trust. Maybe my cousin Stella can try arranging a MRI scan for me since she's working in SGH. *shrugs* Until then...

Lyrics

Waiting for the grand finale...

Originally, I thought tonight will be France vs Germany. Turned out I was wrong. Come after the stroke of midnight (more specifically 3 hrs after), we'll be bracing ourselves for what is most likely a damn boring semi-final.

A Seleção das Quinas versus Y Dreigiau

Benedita Pereira [República Portuguesa]

Kimberly Nixon [Cymru]

So there we have it. A semi-final between realism and idealism. Pragmatists believe that Portuguese class will prevail, romantics will want to see the Welsh winning this with plenty of guts and glory. In a funny sense, that's exactly why opposites attract. Imagine this: the cynical me entering a BGR with an idealistic local girlfriend. That's how funny this match looks.

A lot has been said about Gareth "not Christian" Bale and Cristiano "I don't come from Brazil" Ronaldo. A lot has been said about this clash of titans, the footballing equivalent of 進撃の巨人. Thankfully, we don't have someone doing an Eren Yeager via public football analysis. That'd be absolutely disastrous.

Believe the hype, not the team

This time round, the match won't be about the team. Yes, tactics count. Quite obviously, a good strategy will go a long way to winning this. But that's where similarities to your generic 90 mins end.

5 blokes versus 4?

This will be a match of little chances if there's anything to go by so far. While Chris "the second Speed" Coleman isn't exactly known for closing shop, a 3-5-1-1 system doesn't exactly give the purists any hope of an alternate El Clásico. As for Fernando "nothing to do with F1" Santos, the less said the better. Interestingly enough, it seems that both tacticians opt to give their respective galacticos the centre stage. Bale will most likely be given that free roaming 2nd striker role just behind Hal "new boss wanted" Robson-Kanu while Ronaldo will most likely be paired up with Nani up front.

For the Welsh, the reason why they're so interesting to watch (i.e. not necessarily entertaining as O'Neill Jr had testified to us all) is down to GB11 given plenty of time off the ball. With a flat 5 behind him, he will never be running short of ammo. It's not just Joe "not Ledley" Allen in the middle or Chris "the set piece gunner" Gunter. It's also not about Aaron "got brutally tackled by Ryan just like me" Ramsey. Rather, it's 5 blokes playing for that one guy just further up. It's basically a British model which we're seeing here. A system made famous by Mr Eric Soh's fave football team, that (north London) football team currently owned by a Jew.

As for the Portuguese, I won't be surprised if Santos has always chosen to approach every match like some anti-F1 football guy. Assuming that it's true that Portugal has been guilty of playing deep instead of a high block, no one should fault CR7. You see, the logic in playing deep is this: the best player (at least on paper, that is) in the tournament is currently forced to run twice (or even thrice) the mileage up and down.

What this scenario means is very simple: CR7 won't have the luxury bossing the match in the final 3rd like what Zlatan "I now want to send entire cities and towns into retirement 4 teh lolz" Ibrahimović has been tasked to do with the Norsemen from Sweden. It's about how much time you're given to express yourself, it's about how much fuel in the tank you'll need to burn.

As for Bale, I won't be surprised if he doesn't have this absurd amount of burden so far. Yes, he'll have to track back. But you don't expect a player like him to grab the 90 mins by the balls if you're out to park that Irish bus. To be fair, not even José "O Especial" Mourinho would have done that 10 tries out of 10 (read: at least Real Madrid was scoring freely like your stereotypical foreign talent under his command).

A battle of attrition?

Be prepared for a pitched battle all over the pitch. Santos will most likely want to force the Welsh dragons to run (or fly for that matter) all over the pitch without getting a sniff of the ball (no pun intended)  anywhere within the 20 yard box. The Portuguese Armada has to keep the ball and defend the ball. There's no other way out because without the ball, Santos and his anti-F1 XI will be subjected to plenty of fire and blood from the Welsh. The Brits may not have the Khaleesi with them, but at least they got a Batman on fire just like Will "on fire" Grigg (okay, the Khaleesi part is technically a lie because Emilia "Dany" Clarke is a Brit).

As for Dragon Chris, he'll need his entire starting X to be at their best. Why I say X instead of XI is very simple:

~Batman's on fire=your defence is terrified~

By this, I mean playing smart like what the Italians have been doing under Antonio "Il Bestia" Conte so far. The entire team needs to stay calm, to play the ball forward without fear.

Conclusion

If possession is to be the key to Portugal's dream of winning the footballing equivalent of a continental F1, then the first touch of the ball will be vital to a potential fairy tale ending to Wales' campaign for glory.

We are going to melt in Singapore soon!!!!! [Pt III]

So there we have it. The last quarterfinal fixture. Due to certain things hitting closer to home, I mya not be able to replicate the same kind of insane humour this blog has been so (in)famous) for all the while. Beyond that, I realised the Rise of Tiamat event has just gotten laggier. Once the mob starts converging, this is where the Nine Hells freezes over. Quite literally. No thanks to that, Arylos can only afford to hit from afar. Also, I hope to do a new post for Tueur de roi soon. It's absolutely absurd to imagine myself doing a post on the Protector's Jubilee at this point of time. Which is exactly what I'm gonna do anyway. *shrugs*

Les Bleus versus Strákarnir okkar

This match arguably epitomises what is truly paradoxical in modern football. On one end, purists would want to see a resounding victory for the Franks. On the other hand, romantics are now most likely praying for a famous scalp claimed by the Norsemen. If you belong to both, it's best you don't watch this match lest you get caught in the middle like some lucky dude who is fancied by two beautiful local S'porean girls who happened to be rich and intelligent as well.

Before I start...

I realised that the German Löw may have read what this Singaporean Löw had written in his previous post. Before I went to sleep last night, I was absolutely positive Julian "Der Dazzler" Draxler was in the starting lineup. Then come the next day, that German Löw changed the whole damn thing from 4-2-3-1 to a bloody 3-4-2-1 Christmas tree. As it turned out, Christmas was delayed in Rome while the very same holiday actually came in early to Saxony. I really have to give credit to the correct Löw (read: the German one, not the Singaporean one). Who could have imagined this crazy kerl pulling off two-man offensive anchor behind the current Super (German) Mario? As it turned out, the match was quite boring. It's a no-brainer given the fact that Der Löw and Il Bestia were pretty much playing the same tactics on the same chessboard (read: a reverse horseshoe crab vs the same horseshoe crab tactics). This match won't be remembered for the goals scored on the pitch, but you can be very sure it will be remembered as that finest battle of wits between the two tactical geniuses of modern day football. If there's any proof pointing to how crazy a true blue genius can be, look no further.

And speaking of genius...

Don't we all love to hate Paul "Le Chevalier Noir" Pogba? 2 yrs ago, he failed to show Sir A.Fergie what he's missing out all the while. 2 yrs later, it's still the same old story and same old song. He reminds me of the correct Gómez in a sense that he should be playing better given his scintillating club form. He may not have put a foot wrong, but that doesn't mean he's actually playing better than Dimitri "the Frankish Depay" Payet.

Assuming Monsieur Bleu (I mean the human being, not that place at 20 Avenue de New York) won't end up trolling me like that German Löw (i.e. changing things 1-2 hrs before kickoff), it means Pogba will most likely be playing in hole 9. What this may possibly mean is this: Monsieur Bleu is telling Pogba to prowl, destroy, and maraud with impunity. I remembered reading an article about the late George "best of the best in Belfast" Best where Sir Matt Busby just told him to do whatever he wanted to do (i.e. on the pitch, not off it). In return, the other 9 outfield players were to perform their respective tasks like a bunch of Germans. If there's any chance of redemption for Pogba, this match will be it. If he overcomes the shackles of fame, then he will be two steps away from becoming the national hero of the Republic ever since Le Professeur X somehow contrived to drag Les Bleus into their last World Cup final. If he ends up playing like a shackled slave, however, I'm pretty sure the entire Parisian press will run riot like what happened to Paris 11 yrs ago.

And speaking of riot...

We may really end up seeing a peaceful version should the impossible happen. Namely Iceland doing a Greece and those Icelanders flooding the streets of Paris.

What exactly went right for Iceland

Lars "not from Tekken" Lagerback isn't a moron. He knows what he's dealing with. During the group stage, the discipline of the Icelandic longboats was good enough to hold off the onslaught staged by the Portuguese Armada. Already, the danger signs were bloody apparent before England. 65 shots, 3 goals, and an imminent loss against a country more famous for volcanoes and beautiful girls. I actually jokingly stated that Iceland may easily hit that over 9000 mode against the English, no one actually told me my joke would become way too real to be seen as a... well, joke.

Against the Franks, the Norsemen will definitely park the bus. If they're to launch volcano ash from the flanks, however, that's where the problem lies. By sticking with an ageing pair of fullbacks, Monsieur Bleu's defensive approach would mean that Iceland needs to commit men down the centre. Ultimately, it's all about how high the Norsemen will press upon break and counter. In fact, I won't be surprised if Gylfi "a good name for any high fantasy hero" Sigurdsson will do a De Bruyne. Not in a technical way, but in a tactical manner.

My country got Steven Tan, their country got this bloke

I still remember the good old days where football was clean and green. No kelong kings, no Dan "not Brown" Tan and Wilson "not Willy" Raj. That was also when every Singaporean knew who was Steven "not Lim" Tan. Once he came off the bench, any sane minded Malaysian team knew they're in trouble. N yrs later, Les Bleus got its own Steven Tan. Only that his complexion is more akin to local Indians and the correct daughter of the correct Rahmat.

I once said that Monsieur Bleu's decision to play one man up front or two at the same time may easily make or break one entire nation's dream. A lot has been said about Monsieur Bleu's shrewd tactical changes, but none of it would have mattered if Kingsley "his last name sounds like the creation of Robert E. Howard" Coman had not come off the bench. In other words, Coman the Barbarian was the reason why Monsieur Bleu was able to shift Antoine "the white Henry" Griezmann into a central position instead of his starting role as a wide forward. Tbh I don't see any difference in approach for this match.

Minghui-matics, anyone?

Before I go to sleep, let me just do a little Minghui-matics here.

France 1-0 Iceland+Coman=advantage Les Gunners

France 0-0 Iceland+Coman=Les Gooners

France 0-1 Iceland+Coman=Les Goners

We are going to melt in Singapore soon!!!!! [Pt II]

Okay, maybe not so much today. You see, my body is very sensitive when it comes to local climate change. Once the weather starts to get hot, I'll start to develop minor flu symptoms. The same if the weather becomes cooler. In other news, I did a very stupid thing. Namely forgetting to remove my Rank 10 Brutal enchantment and Greater Feytouched before refining my Howling Weapon set with my previous set. In short, I nearly screwed myself. Thankfully, the pricing for epic enchantments in the auction house has dropped. If not, then I'm pretty much stuck with a pair of epic enchantments which can only perform up to 70% efficiency instead of 100% (read: using Holy Avenger for Arylos). Which is why I say nearly.

Just a note

I'll only be doing Germany-Italy for tonight. Come tomorrow, I'll be doing France-Iceland.

Before that...

My sis seems to have gotten the Euro fever. Which is anti-Mingsi no matter how I look at it. I swear she's basically apathetic towards football in general. In fact, I don't even remember her mentioning David "Golden Becks" Beckham. Something's not right, something's definitely not natural.

In other news, my beautiful churchmate SN may have finished her Italian tour. I once jokingly asked her when will she turn pro in terms of being a harpist. Her answer was... well, she's not gonna do so. And yes, you guessed it. SN was on her Italy tour as a harpist.

And lastly, the match is at Bordeaux. Not only is this a place famous for the grapes and wine, it's also the place where my cousin and her family is residing atm.

Really have to eat a large dish of crow here...

I may have spoken too early here. Previously, I lambasted Joachim "he's never high" Löw over what I perceived as a lack of decisiveness in the lone vorhut role. That's prior to Germany kicking some Slovakian ass.

So what does this mean for Die Nationalelf?

Löw has officially done it. Big time. Plenty has been said about Julian "Der Dazzler" Draxler roasting people 4 teh lolz. As someone preferring a false 9 system (something which nearly did him and the entire nation in during the group stage), it's quite surprising to see Mario "will he become Super Mario?" Gómez playing like the German Super Mario we're all so used to when it comes to his club form.

Italians, be warned. Germany has officially started the engine, the automaton will not rest until it achieves its purpose. The reason behind my statement? This kerl below.

Just seen the starting XI

It's official, signore and herren. The German Löw has discovered his magic formula when it comes to die kavallerie. We have Mesut "Germany's Turkish delight" Özil and Thomas 'Germany's super mallet" Müller starting. Together with Der Dazzler himself, the Teutons mean serious business against their Roman rivals. You see, the problem with Germany not so long ago lies in getting the wrong man in the lone vorhut role. Götze wasn't that super because he didn't have Müller's tenacity. As for Gómez, it's basically a lack of support from the attacking 3 (read: most likely Müller was the only outlet of aggression coming from behind). Against a nation arguably more famous for Daniela "she's got legs like Stacy Keibler" Hantuchová, Gómez was given the (German) license to kill thanks to ample support from Müller and Der Dazzler. Plenty of pace from both flanks, such was the story of [Germany-3] [0-Slovakia] in a nutshell.

As for Antonio "Il Bestia" Conte, it'll be interesting to see how high the Romans will pass the ball more than anything else.

Where the battle will be won...

In the history of mankind, the Roman Empire is still widely regarded as the greatest empire in history. Ironically, its downfall was actually due to invasions from the Germanic tribes (and ofc it didn't help that Romulus' glory was already on the wane by then). Will the history repeat itself?

Key to victory (for one team) and defeat (for another) lies in Toni "Stark" Kroos and Stefano "the Cap" Sturaro. Ignore Deadpool here, he's just crazy like yours truly. Wani from the retail pharmacy has always been right abt me even though she's just joking around.

Going by the list, it's quite possible that both individuals will be deployed at the holding mid area. A good thing for Italy as well.

Germany=no weakness?

Football is a very simple game. You have 22 blokes chasing a ball, you'll also have the Germans always winning. However, that's actually no different from assuming Deadpool having nothing to do with the X-Men (which in fact he really did in the form of the X-Force). Imagine this happening in the Teutonic dressing room.

Löw: Guys, you see what that Christian Vieri says? That we have no weak points?

Kroos: It's bullshit, coach.

Löw: Maybe it's bullshit. That comes to mind an interesting conversation I've had with a foreign talent hailing from Singapore. She happens to be based at Hamburg by the way. We actually discussed whether gods should be considered gods if they can't survive Ragnarok.

 Kroos: More bullshit, coach.

Löw: Let's not fall for his trap. If even the gods can't win against the inevitable, it means we have only one method of proving him right: winning. By the way, did you read the last line, the one I circled?

Kroos: Yes, coach. That moron said that we are the most fancied team in the tournament, that everyone knows it.

Löw: He's right about that, when we see him off the pitch we will need to thank him, even, he gave us a compliment, it means we are back. That we instill fear, that we are honoring the name we carry. Remember: only those who do not win get the opponents' full sympathy.

Kroos: Coach, he also says you are insane... actually, when was the last time you scratch yourself?

Löw: Kroos, I'm gonna place you in the same position I gave to Schweinsteiger last time round. We need to play it fast and furious via the counter. I could have started you in the hole, but that'll mean I'm being somewhat of a racist since Özil is technically a Turk.

Kroos: We're going straight for the jugular once we break up play? What if those Italians decide to park their bus in front instead?

Löw: Ah, Ballack still owes me an Euro and twenty cents, by the way. Please go tell him this after the tournament.

Kroos: What for?

Löw: For the newspaper...

So what am I trying say? Basically this image below...

Assuming that TNP wasn't bullshitting us by saying Conte favours a horseshoe formation when it comes to the back 3, it means the VIP of the team is whoever playing as the pseudo-centreback. Before Daniele "Il Lupo" De Rossi got himself injured, that was basically his exclusive territory. Assuming it will be Sturaro playing at the tip of Conte's defensive diamond, it means the Romans are taking a certain risk. In the form of Kroos, Germany has that Football's Next Top Scholes. Capable of playing either in the hole or as a holding mid, the pressure is now on Sturaro not to put a single foot wrong when it comes to deciding when to burst forward. Seeing Kroos passing the ball is like watching Iron Man firing his repulsor beam, seeing Sturaro's all action style is like watching Steve Rogers leading the charge and protecting the rear guard.

Try imagining for a brief moment the horseshoe crab walking backwards somewhere in the Siloso Beach. That's basically Conte's tactical core in a nutshell. The pointy end will never be facing Buffon.G. Rather, it will always be facing the opposition. I'm not too sure about Sturaro's passing range unlike Il Lupo (or Montolivo for that matter). Ultimately, this means Germnay cannot think to themselves that Italy is now a wounded lion waiting to snared. Oh hell no, my friends. Conte's choice may easily create an element of unpredictability across what I call the four and a half man midfield. In Conte's own words, Gli Azzurri has only one method to prove the naysayers wrong: winning.

We are going to melt in Singapore soon!!!!! [Pt I]

Recently, I realised the weather here in S'pore has gotten hotter. Currently, daytime temperature can go like 35 degrees celsius while nighttime temperature is now around 29-31 degrees celsius. All I can say here is brace yourselves, summer is coming.

And speaking of summer...

Hopefully I can start a write up on the Summer Festival event for Tueur de Roi. At the same time, I'm liking the feel of using Korey. Now before any member of SHyn Corp thinks I'm a pervert like what Wani of the retail pharmacy enjoy saying (jokingly ofc, I mean Wani), let me show you guys something before a Korean decides to hire the service of Drew & Napier.

Whoops, wrong image.
Sorry.
Should be the one below...

So there we have it...

The quarter-finals of this year's Euro. Hopefully I can finish covering all 8 fixtures instead of doing a Pt I to VIII.

Białe Orły

VS

A Selecção das Quinas

First up, Poland and Portugal. Suffice to say, neither team has yet to set the tourney alight. In the form of Robert "will he become Lews Therin Telamon?" Lewandowski, the Poles have the most potent six-footer hitman (albeit that's due to the absence of Le Benz). In the form of Cristiano "I don't come from Brazil" Ronaldo, the Portuguese have the most charismatic player still in the tourney. The only catch? Neither RL9 nor CR7 is currently deemed deserving of accolades worthy of their stature.

Let's talk about the Portuguese Armada first. The only match where we saw the real CR7 was against Hungary during the group stage. Against Croatia, the whole damn team chose to tank. Call it a twisted sense of humour from the footballing gods, but it also happened that Croatia chose to do the same. In fact, the only reason why the media chose to talk about Portugal tanking the 90 mins is due to the Croats being eliminated as a result. Can you imagine Bernard "the Tank of Oz" Tomic playing against Nick "the Tank Down Under" Kyrgios at the Australian Open men's singles final, only to see both tanks... well, tanking each other? That's how bad the Portugal-Croatia match was.

Then we have the Poles. Originally, much was expected from them. It's like anticipating a team of witchers to annihilate a mob of monsters, only to have a certain Ciri to bail them out instead (ok, I know Ciri is also a witcher. Happy?). Defensively, they're good. Going forward, their attack was as slow as a heavy infantry battalion marching through a forest. In other words, brace yourselves. A boring match is coming.

If you don't know who this Polish bloke is, let me introduce to you Jakub "I don't know how to pronounce his blasted last name" Błaszczykowski. Despite having a name which 99% of my fellow local S'poreans most likely can't pronounce properly, he's quintessentially the Polish hero of the moment. Forget about the reincarnation of Lews Therin Telamon or Rand al'Thor. The Poles now have an unexpected hero in the form of Perrin Aybara. In a tourney where no one expected a 30 yr old bloke to bail out a nation in a major tournament, Błaszczykowski was the reason why the Poles were able to do a 1-0 instead of doing a 0-0. His presence ultimately showed where the battle will be won.

If you think I'm being crazy by upping unrelated content, think again. As the song title suggests, both teams will be caught in the middle. In other words, it's going to be a match of attrition all over the middle 3rd. The team with a more robust midfield will control the battle, the team with a faster wing play will win the war. Do not be surprised if this fixture will last till AET or beyond. If this one can be ended by 90 minutes, it should be seen as the best form of euthanasia. Period.

Y Dreigiau

VS

De Rode Duivels/Les Diables Rouges/Die Roten Teufel

Not so long ago, Wales as a footballing nation is only known for a certain Ryan "I don't break other people's legs" Giggs. Not so long ago, Belgium as a footballing nation is only known for the beer, chocolates, waffles, mussels, and Jean-Claude "not Van Damned" Van Damme. And yes, we also have one of the finest female tennis players in the form of Justine "she doesn't hit like the Williams" Henin. How the times have changed. Cardiff and Swansea managed to prove the conspiracy theorists wrong by securing promotion (after all, the Welsh ain't English). Belgium managed to prove that with fine food comes a brand of football equally fine.

If you ended up at the Wall, it means your life must have sucked terribly hard. Not only that, it also means your life is doomed to suck even harder. While this is no indication of how it feels to be a Belgian or Welsh, the key victory (for one nation) and defeat (for the other) lies in the thankless task of manning the wall. For the Welsh, it's all about 5 men across the width, whether it's down at the back or up front in the midfield. For the Belgians, it's all about 6 men behind 4, a four by two formation (no racist jokes please. I'm no Cockney). Interestingly enough, Jon Snow was made a steward of the Night's Watch for a very good reason. It's called leadership.

Ultimately, it won't be the Welsh tenacity or Belgian finesse which will win the match. At the same time, it's never down to Gareth "not Christian" Bale or Eden "the Duke of Hazard" Hazard to win the match. Hell, it's not even Aaron "will his next missile destroy ISIS?" Ramsey, Kevin "the male Brünnhilde" De Bruyne, or even Joe "not Ledley" Allen.

Rather, it's all about how fast either team can stage that counter-offensive which matters most. As what Romelu "the black Romulus" Lukaku has already proven against the Irish, it's down to tactical cohesion in a collective sense. Something the English failed to understand for the past donkey years. Perhaps even now.

Next up: The last 2 fixtures aka The (Footballing) Gods Must be Crazy.

Brace yourselves... (ending in 0.5 hrs' time)

I'm now officially testing myself. To see who well I can in making things short and succinct. As we all know, the last two matches of the last round of 16 will be on the cards. Come 0.5 hrs' time, we'll have two Latin nations having a go at each other. Around 2-3 hrs later, we have two Aryan nations having a go at each other. I'll be very brief here, so don't blink your eyes.

Repubblica Italiana versus Reino de España

There's something funny abt Antonio "Il Bestia" Conte's Gli Azzurri. It's called the lopsided syndrome. Whenever the team starts scoring 4 teh lolz, the backline will start leaking goals like Barcelona. Whenever they start conceding less, the firing squad will start scoring like a stereotypical Mourinho team. I doubt Vicente "El Zorro" del Bosque would be dumb enough not to notice it unless someone tells me I should be the head coach of La Furia Roja instead. Which is totally dumb quite obviously.

A lot has been said about Andrés "El Gigante" Iniesta being the giant amongst both men and boys. A lot has been said about the matchup of the tourney, namely Il Bestia vs El Gigante. Or at least that's how TNP dubbed this showdown. Let me just say that the key to victory (for one team) and defeat (for the other) lies in the width. Iniesta is a legend in the art of ball passing in the same manner Zlatan "I send entire nations and people into retirement 4 teh lolz" Ibrahimović is a legend in goal scoring. However, a 3-5-2 means the key lies in the two wide men. By creating a horseshoe back 3, Daniele "Il Lupo" De Rossi has officially become the Romulus of the team. It's pointless to try finding a way down the centre. That'll be outright retarded. La Furia Roja can only try finding space between the wingbacks and central 3. Which is easier said than done. Pace and aggression out wide will win the Battle of Latins, mark my words. For La Furia Roja, the only way for the team to prevent itself from becoming La Furia Rojak lies in the attacking width rather than just one man pulling the strings. For Gli Azzurri, the only way for them to whip a dish of Latin rojak is to... well, you think I'll be saying width?

Wrong. It's whatever going down the centre instead of bottoms up from the back.

England versus Ísland

My fellow S'poreans should be proud of yours truly associating our island nation with Island. Basically, Island is Iceland in Icelandic. This is a gross mismatch. Plenty of romantics and optimists will be licking their lips for an England win. Cynics and realists will point out that the ball tends to be round instead of oval. So what's my take here?

Firstly, Roy "yet to be of the Rovers" Hodgson needs to find an effective firing 3 lest he gets himself fired like some unlucky apprentice. His selection on this dept will make or break the nation's heart. Slovakia was a case of ol 'Roy breaking character. Saw Raheem "show me the real Sterling" Sterling flanking Harry "will he finally become a scoring tropical storm?" Kane with Daniel "he dances like a partridge" Sturridge on the other flank (that is unless ol' Roy decided to play Kane out wide). It'd be interesting to see whether this dynamic trio will pry apart the Icelandic mountain range. Or maybe said mountain range will turn out to be a chain of volcanoes over 9000 times more disastrous than the Pacific Ring of Fire.

I think we all agree it sucks to be Vegeta...

Key to victory (for one team) and defeat (for the other) lies in the central midfield. If England has to pull back two black blokes to form a 5 bloke midfield even 1/3 of the time, then we can officially rename England as Engrand in the same way the Three Lions should rename themselves as the Three Pussy Cats. And yes, I know you can have 2 central mids with 2 wide mids. You think I'm stupid? If you want to think like Heather Chua just because I graduate from some It's The End institute, it means you're dumber than you look (i.e. you're actually too dumb to live).

P.S: It's absolutely ridiculous. I actually created a new character for my Neverwinter roster. Namely Korey. Thankfully, it's impossible for me to create the visual equivalent of this beautiful Korean lady below. SHyn Corp would have hunted me down like a dog waiting to be cooked otherwise.

Add P.S: Because I'm too lazy like Super Mario Götze, I decided to add one more label in Tueur de Roi. Tentatively named "Wanted by SHyn Corp: Dead or Alive".